Margaret Cho Leaves ‘Dancing With The Stars’

After joining the competition to get revenge on the stupid little idiot who had cold sores and was always tripping over squirrels who called her a “fat ballerina” as a kid, Margaret Cho was sent home from Dancing With The Stars last night. On Monday’s show, she performed a pride-infused samba to Barry Manilow’s Copacabana to raise awareness for the recent suicides of gay teenagers.

After her name was announced and the judges gave her a standing ovation for failing, she said “I thought the judges were really hard on me, but I think you were hard on me because you could see that I am a dancer for real. And I thank you for that. I will take that with me forever.” She even cried a bit, but unfortunately, nobody was there with a bucket to catch her tears (which everyone knows are important because they can be used to coat manatees in a shield that protects them from boat propellers that are controlled by drunken Floridians).

Michael Bolton also performed his rendition of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah, after Susan Boyle called in and said she had a severe throat infection and would be unable to come by and delight everyone with a song. So Bolton stepped in despite his continued feud with DWTS judge Bruno Tonioli, who said Bolton’s jive routine from week 2 was “probably the worst jive in 11 seasons.” He seemed pleased to be useful.