Taylor Lautner Talks Bella’s Love For Edward: Late Last Night

  Taylor Lautner Talks Bella’s Love For Edward: Late Last Night

Taylor Lautner talked to David Letterman last night, about quantum physics and subatomic particles. Just kidding! You’re too smart. He talked about Eclipse and rocked a skinny tie. He explained to Letterman what the deal is with little miss indecisive Bella Swan, and how she’s a greedy slut. Just kidding again! I bet you skipped fourth grade, am I right! Anyway, Taylor talked about how Bella is interested in Jacob and Edward in “different ways,” and the phenomenon that is his perpetual lack of shirt.

Jon Stewart talked about Elena Kagan’s Senate confirmation hearings, and how that’s going. She’s a tough cookie, that Kagan. No matter how many men she has in front of her, she can always satisfy them all. BANG!

Also, did you hear about those Russian spies who mimicked everything we do, from the way we fold our newspapers to the way we teach our kids to ride bicycles, in order to gain intel on us? Yes, one of them was particularly pretty. But she was a spy, which means she’d lure you into her hotel room, gag you, kick the bejesus out of you until you told what the casting process is like on The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

And Stephen Colbert gave us a few warnings: that Dawn, the soap used to clean off the oil from the sweet little duckies down in the Gulf, is 1/7th petroleum, there’s a Spaghettio recall, and Texas’ decision to criminalize sodomy. But lawmakers forgot to specify which kind! (The definition is pretty open.) Silly Republicans.