If you needed any proof at all that Donald Trump is having trouble finding talent to play his inauguration, just look at the lineup of his inaugural ball. Trump appears to be throwing the most balling sweet 16 of all time.
The All American Ball, which is happening in January at the Hyatt Regency, is an alleged “toast to American culture, featuring a stellar list of special guests, plus multiple areas of entertainment and attractions, which represent the diversity, energy and promise of America.” Apparently, the promise of America lies in an ’80s cover band — probably because Trump aims to set our country back by 30 years.
The “stellar list” of top talent includes Nashville singer-songwriter Beau Davidson (we always knew Trump would convince some country guy to play for him if all else failed). He’ll be playing music from his album The American Gentleman. This will undeniably be the highlight of the night because things just get more grim from there.
Following Davidson is The Reagan Years, an ’80s cover band that only plays music released during Ronald Regan’s presidency. There’s a joke somewhere in there that’s too depressing to make. After the party takes a trip down Cold War memory lane, The Mixx, a literal wedding band, will tickle our ears with their…whatever it is they do. When the crowd is all Macarena and Chicken Danced out, DJ Romin, DJ Young Rye, DJ Flow and DJ Freedom will perform. The headliner of the night will be The Star Spangled Singers, who will take the stage and serenade everyone with “uplifting, patriotic songs and instrumentals” (and probably not “It’s The End Of The World” by REM, but that’d be fitting).
Tickets to see this coveted, amazing lineup are $350.oo, which coincidentally is about the cost of a ticket to Coachella or Lollapalooza (but they don’t have ’80s covers bands, now do they?).
