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The Movie Prop Wish List
Have you ever watched a movie, seen a gizmo or gadget on the screen and thought, “Man, I want that…I need that!”? We have. All the time, in fact, and that got us wondering why, with all of our advances in technology, some of the most iconic innovations in cinema still aren’t available for the public to stuff in their stockings.
So here’s a Christmas wish list focusing on some of our favorite movie props that we’d like to have in our everyday lives. Whether they’re for transportation or kicking the crap out of some local bully, these props would totally come in handy.
The Hover Board (Back to the Future II)
When Marty McFly traveled back in time to play matchmaker to his parents, he accidentally (and dangerously) invented skateboarding. In part two of Robert Zemeckis’ blockbuster series, Marty goes into the future and relives that high-octane experience on the now infamous Hoverboard. This has always been one of my personal favorites. Growing up on wheels was fun, but if I could’ve gotten around without having to pedal or push, I never would’ve have gotten a car. I would probably also be a fat, lazy S.O.Bb, but I could live with that. What I can’t live without anymore is my Hoverboard.
Batarang (Batman Returns)
There have been many different versions of this nifty accessory. In fact, each film featuring the Caped Crusader unveils a different model. IMO, the best of the batch came from Tim Burton’s gothic sequel, in which the Dark Knight uses a programmable targeting Batarang to take out multiple members of the Red Triangle Circus Gang. Batman has plenty of cooler, more elaborate gadgets in his utility belt, but this one always seemed reliable, easy to use and effective at kicking some ass.
Proton Pack (Ghostbusters)
Just saw Paranormal Activity and can’t sleep? No problem! All you need to do is invest a few hundred thousand dollars (although I’d pay millions – if I had that kind of cash) in perhaps the most sought-after cinematic creation of all time. Also known to fans as an unlicensed nuclear accelerator or a positron collider, the Proton Pack is the most important tool in the indispensible defense science of the next decade – and it would be a welcome complement to fireworks on the Fourth of July!
Lightsaber (Star Wars)
Sure, you may not need one to battle intergalactic forces of evil (yet), but in the event of a power outage or a break-in, you’ve got an inextinguishable source of light and a kick-ass weapon in one! Of course, I wouldn’t mind having a lightsaber in the event of a fight. Obi-Wan described it best – “An elegant weapon for a more civilized age” – so I guess we’ll never see a functioning Jedi weapon in that case, but there are significantly less “elegant” applications for the Lightsaber: reheating coffee, lighting a cigarette, etc.
Omega SeaMaster Wristwatch (James Bond movies)
Bond has employed numerous wristwatches over the course of his almost 50-year tenure as top M:i6 operative. When Pierce Brosnan took the reigns of the franchise with 1995’s Golden Eye, he traded in 007’s Seikos and Rolexes for a well-equipped Omega. Throughout the seven years he played the suave secret agent, the watch’s specs included a removable explosive charge with built-in detonator, a laser cutter, a grappling hook with 50 feet of attached wire, and a tracking unit. A must-have for anyone who regularly finds himself trying to escape from the remote volcano hideout of a global supervillain.
Mega Microwave (The Fifth Element)
For someone as challenged in the kitchen as I am, this futuristic appliance is a dream come true. Just put some seeds into a bowl, put it into the contraption and…instant chicken! This would save a hell of a lot of time and power on Thanksgiving! Someone better pass a copy of Luc Besson’s space opera on to the executives at General Electric. [Watch on YouTube]
Dead Reckoning (Land of the Dead)
There are so many land-based vehicles that could’ve ended up on this list: the Batmobile, the Black Beauty, the Fantasticar, Kurt Russell’s ride from Death Proof (I believe it’s a 1970 Chevy Nova)…Endless choices. That said, I’m going to go with the zombie crusher from George A. Romero’s Land of the Dead, Dead Reckoning. This thing is a behemoth; a tank, truck and train rolled into one monstrous machine – the ultimate defense against the zombie uprising! Great for riot control and carpooling as well.
X-3 Rocket (The Rocketeer)
Screw first class! I want Howard Hughes’ fictional gem from Disney’s under-performing but unbelievably awesome comic-book adaptation, The Rocketeer. From the look on Billy Campbell’s face after touching down, strapping the X-3 on your back and punching that starter seems like the most exhilarating experience imaginable. While the idea of wingless flight was around way before Dave Stevens created his pulp masterpiece (see: the Bell Rocket Belt from Thunderball and Commander Cody from Radar Men From the Moon), it’s never been better than it is here.
Neuralizer (Men In Black)
The Men in Black used this priceless device to keep the public out of their intergalactic affairs, but more practical uses for the neuralizer include blind dates that go sour, movies that you wish you hadn’t just paid for and avoiding the long, uncomfortable conversation with your wife or girlfriend she discovers your porn collection. And the best part is that there are no current links between neuralization and brain cancer!
M-O (Microbe Obliterator) (WALL-E)
Cleaning up after Christmas dinner can be a real fiasco, but if the Buy-N-Large mega-corporation really existed, it’d produce the Microbe Obliterator, or M-O, for mass utilization. M-O handles every aspect of cleansing and sanitization and doesn’t ask for anything in return. Just throw that banana peel on the floor; before you can turn around it’ll be disposed of. Although there were no pets on the film’s mother ship, Axiom, I suspect that M-O will help clean up after your cats and dogs as well. I don’t know about you, but cleaning the litter box falls just above a prostate exam on my list.
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