Not since the David Letterman debacle at the 1995 Academy Awards has an award show event been more boring. Host Ellen DeGeneres chatting with people off stage? Really bad banter between presenters? Emmy Idol? The 57th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards show Sunday night sucked, to put it bluntly.
The kudocast started off with a montage of actors explaining how it felt to win an Emmy. Um, who cares? Save for perhaps John Travolta, who having never won an Emmy himself, recounted how he had to accept an Emmy for his The Boy in the Plastic Bubble ladylove, the late Diane Hyland, because she had just died of cancer. Fun, happy stuff.
Then it was on to the big opening musical number. Yes, Emmys felt it was time to bring the likes of Earth, Wind and Fire and the Black-Eyed Peas on stage to sing a revamped version of EWF’s hit “September,” paying tribute to the past TV season. The Black Eyed Peas jumped in with a few rap verses, including a Martha Stewart lyric: “Went to jail, got a show, that’s the way entertainment goes.” Oh, I see, Billy Crystal was somehow channeled. Get it, channeled?
Finally, out popped host Ellen DeGeneres, who was good for at least a chuckle or two–at first. Her opening monologue was fairly adequate, kicking in after she got a little somber about in times like these, where we have tragedies such as Hurricane Katrina, we just need to laugh. Everyone agreed. Then what happened?
DeGeneres‘ hosting banter through out the evening consisted of her going out among the Shrine Auditorium masses. She talked to women waiting in line at the bathroom, carrying around a flat-screen TV to show them what they were missing, which was nothing, of course. Then she cut in line to use the facilities. Nice. Ellen also tried to get the guy who keeps the running time for the show to waste time with her. Why, why would she do that to us? This hosting job certainly won’t be considered one of her best.
The low point of the evening, however, had to be the Emmy Idol segment, in which a few folk sang renditions of TV themes in an American Idol-like competition. Which brilliant Emmy mind thought that idea up? Not only did we have to sit through the musical numbers, we then had to vote on them á la Idol, by either calling, text messaging, or by Pony Express–whichever was easiest. The winners were Donald Trump and Will & Grace‘s Megan Mullally, as her alter-ego Karen Walker, who sang the theme from Green Acres. Yeah, kind of funny, just ’cause you got to see Trump in overalls. But not really.
Of course, the presenters’ banter failed on more than one occasion: The entire cast of Desperate Housewives trying to poke fun at the fact one of its stars, Eva Longoria, was conveniently left off the nominee list (her co-star Felicity Huffman went on to win the award. But more on that in a minute); the entire cast of the now departed Everybody Loves Raymond, trying to act like they aren’t glad the whole thing is friggin’ over and they don’t have to see each other again. And then everyone in between. Only Whoopi Goldberg had the guts to say, “Let’s just skip all the cutesy stuff and just read off who won the Emmy.”
And then there were the winners’ speeches. Again, the usual, cut-short fare, with out-of-breath, weepy actresses and what not. “I’ve turned into one of those actresses and I’m sorry,” Housewives‘ Huffman said as she teared up at the start of her acceptance speech for best female lead in a comedy series . Why yes, yes you have Felicity, and it still isn’t very entertaining. Probably the best speech was from Lackawanna Blues star S. Epatha Merkerson, who won for lead actress in a TV movie. She apparently lost her acceptance speech–down her dress. “I wrote something, and I put it in my thing (bra) and it went down and I can’t get it. It’s probably stuck to me.”
Personally, the best part of the show–and I mean this sincerely–was the intros for the writers nominated in the variety, musical or comedy series category. Clever ways to show all the guys and gals behind the scenes on the late night shenanigans of David Letterman, Conan O’Brien–and, of course, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Let’s just say, I laughed out loud. Jon Stewart, a winner and a presenter, then went on to do a hilarious comedic bit that blasted the federal response to Katrina. Love Jon Stewart.
At least there were some semi-memorable quotes:
But that’s about it, folks. I guess better luck next time.
