OK girls, unless you are a diehard fan of the pigskin yourself, football season is tantamount to drawn-out torture. It usually involves grown men screaming at their TVs every Monday night and most weekends, leaving a potato chip crumb trail, beer rings on the coffee table and chicken wing stains on the couch. It’s a good thing you’re not expected to be involved in all of that. But when a new movie football movie comes out–such as Mark Wahlberg‘s Invincible, opening Aug. 28—it’s a totally different ball game. And since you’ve dragged him to one too many romantic comedies, its now your turn to return the favor. Have no fear! We’ve complied A Girl’s Guide to Football Movies just for this occasion.
What to wear:
That cute little dress and those sexy strappy shoes aren’t going to cut it. This is definitely a jeans and comfy shirt kind of date. Wearing a football jersey is a fashion DON’T, but pulling your hair back into a ponytail or sporting a baseball cap is a nice touch. Also, keep the makeup light and fresh, and the nails unpolished in case you head out for some wings and ribs afterwards.
Ordering at the concession stand:
Don’t order anything diet. It’s all about the buttered popcorn and a large Coke (which you could share but better to get your own). Maybe you could even throw in some Milk Duds. Whatever you do, don’t bring your own healthy snack.
Know some stats:
Remember those little crib notes you used during a particularly hard math or science test? Do the same thing here. Slip a little note card in your purse, with some pertinent lingo. While he’s paying for the popcorn, take a quick look to jog your memory:
Who does what: Quarterbacks pass the ball, wide receivers catch the long passes, tight ends catch the ball and block, running backs carry the ball and full backs are offensive blocks.
Terms: Blitz–not a pastry but a play where the defensive team sends players rushing towards the line of scrimmage as soon as the ball is snapped; line of scrimmage–an imaginary line which no player may cross before the snap (when the ball is passed to the quarterback); sack–a tackle of the quarterback behind his line of scrimmage, not something put over a player’s head; clipping–not as in toenails but as in blocking an opponent below the waist from behind; this illegal block is a personal foul, punishable by a 15-yard penalty; and so forth. There are plenty of Web sites to find info, just Google “football jargon.”
Football greats: Find out who some of his favorite football teams are and do a little research on who’s playing now, who’s coaching and a little history of the team. Also remember to research the movie you are seeing. If it’s based on a true story, find out more about it. Invincible, for example, is based on the real-life story of an average Joe (played by Wahlberg), who gets a shot at playing for his beloved Philadelphia Eagles when he makes the team at open tryouts.
How to react when watching the movie:
Football movies are not entirely unpleasant to watch and there is usually some kind of emotional core to them, including the classic sports underdog scenario in which a person and/or team has no chance of playing and/or winning, but, against all odds, manages to do so anyway. Think Rudy, Remember the Titans, The Replacements and The Longest Yard. These football movies are easy to get wrapped up in because you are automatically rooting for the little guys and get all pumped up when they win the big game and prove to all those naysayers they could do it.
The more hard-hitting football movies, which examine the mentality of the sport and its pitfalls, such as Friday Night Lights, Varsity Blues and Any Given Sunday, are more of a struggle. This is when you have to dig in and try not to grimace as the guys on screen take some hard tackles. You just have to hope the high school star wide receiver doesn’t get pummeled and have his chances for a college scholarship ruined by an injury. Or that the defensive linesmen, who has taken one too many hits and could be killed if he hits the ground one more time, won’t bite it when the greedy coach ignores the warnings and puts him in anyway. Be tough–and don’t cover your eyes.
Dissecting the movie:
After the movie, remember to talk mostly about the action. Use the above crib notes again for some of the terminology. Don’t mention how sweet you thought it was when the hero showed up at the girlfriend’s house apologizing either for ignoring her or getting mad at her for not understanding his dedication or whatever.
Moving forward:
Who knows, maybe you’ll gain an appreciation for the sport after doing the research and watching the movie. So that the next time your man sits down to watch a game, you might join him, throw pretzels at the screen and scream about how the nose tackle just totally clipped the full back. Or not.
