[IMG:L]The good, the bad and the ugly of a dozen movies gone direct to DVD this month.
12. Seed
Cast: Michael Pare, Will Sanderson
This stomach-churning chiller finds director Uwe Boll in a reflective state of mind as he sickeningly details the Sisyphus-like efforts of Paré’s detective to capture a serial killer (a lumbering, taciturn Sanderson). The German hack clearly wants to say something profound about man’s capacity to kill — hence the incorporation of PETA-supplied footage of animals being abused — but he’s undermined by his decision to present Sanderson’s Seed as more Jason Voorhees than Hannibal Lector. The inclusion of Richard Gale’s witty short Criticized — about a pissed-off horror director who tortures a movie reviewer — is obviously directed at to those who continually pan Boll’s bombs. OK, we’ve been warned.
DVD Features: Deleted Scenes; Behind the Scenes feature; and Criticized short film.
Stars: 0 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 11
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11. Asylum
Cast: Sarah Roemer
A group of college students learn that their new dormitory was once a mental asylum, and, yes, they’re terrorized by the ghost of the diabolic doctor who met a grizzly fate after performing experimental lobotomies on his inmates. Snakes on a Plane director David R. Ellis goes through the motions making things go bump in the night, but nothing occurs that is particularly scary. Disturbia’s gutsy Roemer deserves better than to be tormented by Freddy Krueger with a medical degree.
DVD Features: None.
Stars: 1 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 10
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10. Virgin Territory
Cast: Hayden Christensen, Mischa Barton, Tim Roth
All you need to know about this botched attempt to Generation Y-ify Giovanni Boccaccio’s Decameron is that its overseas title is Medieval Pie. No, Anakin Skywalker doesn’t stick his lightsaber in an apple crostata. But there is all manner of sexual shenanigans going on in a Black Death-ravaged Italy, from strip pole dances to threesomes. And Christensen, who’s feebler than any plague victim, takes to bedding nubile young nuns to numb the pain of losing his beloved (a refined Barton) to a Russian prince. You might care something about these privileged youths, except their unrestrained horniness mostly makes them insufferable.
DVD Features: Behind the Scenes, Censored Scenes of Sexuality, David Williams: Cart Pusher, and Roberto Cavalli Costume Designs features.
Stars: 1 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 9
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9. Watching the Detectives
Cast: Cillian Murphy, Lucy Liu
Taking its name from Elvis Costello’s classic song about a woman who chooses to watch TV rather than talk to her date, this quirky rom-com finds the up-for-anything Liu trying desperately to drag the geeky Murphy away from dissecting old movies with his video-store employees. The moral: Living life is more fulfilling than watching it unfold before your eyes in your living room or the movie theater. Liu’s bizarre role-playing games — which include tricking Murphy into robbing an underground casino — do get a little tiresome at times. Still, a very loopy Liu has never been funnier.
DVD Features: None.
Stars: 2 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 8
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8. I Want Candy
Cast: Carmen Electra, Eddie Marsan, Michelle Ryan
No longer the Baywatch sex bomb, Electra now possesses a MILF-like hotness that makes her a natural to play a retired porn star named Candy Fiveways. What’s more, she miraculously brings warmth and personality to a role that only requires her to flaunt her obvious assets. Two student filmmakers persuade Candy to make one final X-rated video in the name of art, but nudity is kept to a minimum, and taboos remain unbroken, as director Stephenle Surjik boringly devotes his attention to the inevitable on-the-set romances. Too bad the Candy we receive is nice but not very naughty.
DVD Features: Deleted Scenes; Outtakes; and Top 10 Tips for Making a Porn Film and Behind the Scenes features.
Stars: 2 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 7
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7. The Secret
Cast: David Duchovny, Olivia Thirlby, Lili Taylor
Cross Freaky Friday with The X-Files and you get this intriguing remake of the 1999 Japanese supernatural drama. An accident results in Taylor’s spirit taking up residency in daughter Thirlby’s body. At hubby Duchovny’s urging, Taylor resumes Thirlby’s high school studies until she returns from wherever to reclaim her body. What distinguishes The Secret from The Ring et al. is that it never descends into horror. Instead, actor-turned-director Vincent Pérez makes a thoughtful plea for parents to placing themselves in their misunderstood children’s shoes. He also justifiably explores the questionable sexual urges felt by both parties, but thankfully things don’t go too far.
DVD Features: Behind the Scenes feature and Interviews with Lili Taylor, David Duchovny, and Olivia Thirlby.
Stars: 3 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 6
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6. Just Add Water
Cast: Dylan Walsh, Jonah Hill, Justin Long, Danny DeVito
The residents of a rundown desert town find themselves at the mercy of a teenage drug baron (Will Rothhaar) who’s snapping up all their property. When Ray’s (Nip/Tuck’s Walsh) marriage crumbles, this pissed-off Mr. Nice Guy channels his anger into freeing his town from Rothharr’s grubby grasp. No, this isn’t Walking Tall with a scalpel instead of a 2×4, but a leisurely paced but perceptive comedy about taking controlling of your life. Hill gets all anxious on us again as Ray’s slothful son, but anyone hoping for an Accepted reunion will be disappointed to learn Long’s appearances as Rothhaar’s right-hand man are few and far between.
DVD Features: None.
Stars: 3 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 5
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5. Purple Violets
Cast: Selma Blair, Patrick Wilson, Edward Burns, Debra Messing
There was a time when Burns could do no wrong. Maybe audiences are tired of the “Irish-American Woody Allen” playing the same charming rogue in his indistinguishable New York-set tales of love and betrayal. What elevates Purple Hearts are the sincere performances from Blair and Wilson, who play old flames stuck in dead-end relationships. While you know how Purple Violets will end, the dialogue’s crisp and the aspiring lovers are more fascinating than Burn’s usual self-involved lovelorn New Yorkers.
DVD Features: None.
Stars: 3 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 4
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4. Tortured
Cast: Cole Hauser, Laurence Fishburne, James Cromwell, Jon Cryer
Torture porn lost its mystique the moment the horror subgenre ignored the ethical questions Saw posed. So it’s pleasing to discover that this suspenseful cat-and-mouse game brings on the pain while forcing its protagonist (a brooding Hauser) to confront the morality of his actions. Hauer’s hired to “interrogate” a mob accountant (a suitably squeamish Fishburne) accused of stealing $10 million from his unseen boss. There’s clearly more to our villain and victim than meets the eye, but both Hauser and Fishburne play things tightly until such time director Nolan Lebovitz chooses to clue us in. Indeed, the film manages to offer a couple of twists and turns you don’t see coming.
DVD Features: Tortured: Behind the Scenes feature.
Stars: 3 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 3
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3. Birds of America
Cast: Matthew Perry, Ben Foster, Ginnifer Goodwin, Lauren Graham, Hilary Swank
There’s at least one loon flying about in this quirky Sundance drama, but he’s not of the feathered kind. Foster’s unconventional behavior causes nothing but headaches for brother Perry. Throw wayward sister Goodwin into the mix and the college professor’s shot at tenure hinges on whether he can keep his siblings away from his colleague’s wife (Swank). A stern-faced Perry appropriately stifles his inner Chandler Bing, and Foster’s done the nutcase act one too many times — though here he’s offers a more complex and realistic case study in mental illness. While director Craig Lucas keeps things mostly grounded, he does serve up a few false moments that truly prove irritating.
DVD Features: None.
Stars: 3 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 2
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2. My Sassy Girl
Cast: Jesse Bradford, Elisha Cuthbert
“This is the story of the first and last time I fell in love,” pines Swimfan’s Bradford at the start of this idiosyncratic remake of the South Korean cult classic. Bradford’s the uptight college student who’s inexplicably wooed by Cuthbert’s boozy party girl. The delightfully capricious Cuthbert’s everything the bland Bradford isn’t, which means much of My Sassy Girl’s attention is devoted to her teaching him how to enjoy life. But that’s OK. Director Yann Samuell brings a whimsical touch to the love affair that makes this more beguiling than any other recent Generation Y rom-com.
DVD Features: None.
Stars: 3 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 1
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1. An American Crime
Cast: Ellen Page, Catherine Keener, James Franco
This isn’t the first film to depict the 1965 torture and murder of 16-year-old Sylvia Likens in the basement of Gertrude Baniszewski’s Indiana home. The Girl Next Door was based on Jack Ketchum’s fictionalized novel, whereas director Tommy O’Haver’s version follows court transcripts from Baniszewski’s trial. While not as brutal as Girl, O’Haver’s gripping account doesn’t flinch from recreating the sickening way Baniszewski and her kids punished their boarder for her perceived sinful behavior. It’s this viciousness that likely kept this away from theaters, resulting in its Showtime premiere and a well-deserved Emmy nomination for a chilling Keener. And Page shows such great strength and dignity under the most horrific of circumstances that her brave performance should silence her Juno detractors.
DVD Features: None.
Stars: 4 out of 5
