[IMG:L]Your favorite, sometimes guilty-pleasure, television shows — like Gossip Girl, Lost and the recently premiered Melrose Place — aren’t hurting for drama, but … we want more. For your consideration, TV studios, here are 10 scandal-driven plot lines we’re dying to see:
The Players: The Van Der Woodsens and the Humphreys
The Scandal: Still bummed about her failed relationship with potential stepbrother Dan, Serena embarks on a new fling with a hot guy she meets at college. Unbeknownst to her, New Guy turns out to be Dan Humphrey’s long-lost brother … and the long-lost son of her mother, Lily!
The Outcome: Permanently scarred by her poor choices in men, and the surprising number of hot ones she’s related to, Serena swears off men forever. She then joins a nunnery, where she gets future stepsister Jenny Humphrey to collaborate with her on a line of designer habits and Swarovski rosaries.
KEEP READING: Tyra’s size-six (fat) models![PAGEBREAK]
The Players: Tyra, Miss J. Alexander and the new model wannabes
The Scandal: Just like she did on her daytime talk show, Tyra decides to make all the models experience life as “overweight” women: She makes them wear enough padding to require size-six garments.
The Outcome: Tyra nominates herself for a Nobel Peace Prize for her powerful sociological experiment, Miss J’s head explodes and the models, feeling liberated in their size-six suits, eat carbohydrates for the first time since they were 11.
KEEP READING: How to bring back Dylan McKay![PAGEBREAK]
The Players: Debbie Wilson (Lori Loughlin)
The Scandal: Realizing that her daughter is even whinier than the teenage Brenda Walsh, that her husband is kind of a doofus for moving his family in with his alcoholic mother and that her role on the show is seriously irrelevant, Debbie decides to skip town and hook up with a new man: the ever-popular Dylan McKay.
The Outcome: Like every other female in his life, Debbie finds out Dylan always flakes in relationships. So she packs her bags again, heads to northern California, changes her name to Becky Katsopolis and lives in an attic with a well-coifed man and his twin sons.
KEEP READING: Who bought Melrose Place?![PAGEBREAK]
The Players: The new Melrose Place residents and a mysterious guest star
The Scandal: The new Melrose Place residents receive notices to gather for an evening meeting at the complex pool. When they arrive, there’s a strange, raven-haired woman standing before them. She quickly informs them that she’s just purchased the building and that they all have one week to box up all their belongings and find new digs: They’re being evicted! When they ask her who does she think she is, she reaches her hand to her head, rips off her wig and reveals herself to be … Amanda Woodward (Heather Locklear)!
The Outcome: Amanda forces all the newbies to flee, and replaces them with her old Melrose Place pals from the ’90s. Why? Because Amanda wants one more shot at Billy Campbell.
KEEP READING: Susan HATES Lynette![PAGEBREAK]
The Players: Susan’s daughter Julie and Lynette’s son Preston. Or Porter.
The Scandal: Julie is back on Wisteria Lane and looking for love, which she finds with one of the Scavo twins (does it matter which one?). Neither Julie nor Lynette approve of the relationship — because of the kids’ rocky pasts — and long-time pals Susan and Lynette become bitter enemies.
The Outcome: Flash forward five years: Julie and Preston (or Porter) are married; Lynette, who had refused to attend the Julie ‘n’ Preston (or Porter) wedding, changed her mind at the last minute, but was killed in a car accident on her way to the church; Lynette’s husband Tom was devastated, but has managed to rebound and find love again with … Susan.
KEEP READING: Making Heroes make sense again![PAGEBREAK]
The Players: Hiro and his fellow heroes
The Scandal: Reeling from the shocking, sometimes tragic occurrences of the past three seasons, Hiro begins to try to make sense of the strange events in his life since he discovered his superpowers. Deep in thought, he steps into the shower … and the end credits roll.
The Outcome: We pick up with the next week’s episode, when Hiro steps out of the shower and gets dressed … in his Dilbert-like suit and tie, and heads off to work as a programmer at Yamagato Industries in Tokyo. The past three seasons of Heroes? All a dream! Just like Bobby Ewing! And now maybe the Heroes producers can start all over again, from the beginning, back when viewers could actually understand what was happening on the show.
KEEP READING: Meredith Grey, you suck![PAGEBREAK]
The Players: Der and Mer, McDreamy’s “dark, twisty” wife
The Scandal: Despite saying he loves her for her dark, pessimistic outlook on life, Derek comes to realize that the whiny woman with whom he has decided to spend the rest of his life is actually something of a buzzkill. They fight, their relationship deteriorates, and, like mother like daughter, Meredith turns to another man, her best friend Cristina’s boyfriend, Owen.
The Outcome: McDreamy hates Meredith (and Owen), Cristina hates Meredith (and Owen), viewers hate Meredith (and Owen), and maybe, suddenly Katherine Heigl doesn’t seem like such a pain in the butt anymore.
KEEP READING: Peggy climbing the ladder (Don’s)![PAGEBREAK]
The Players: Don Draper and his colleague Peggy Olson
The Scandal: They hook up. Oh, c’mon, you know you want them to!
The Outcome: Don eventually becomes head of the ad agency, and Peggy continues to rise up the ranks until she’s officially his second-in-command, with no one ever the wiser about their extracurricular activities. Again, you know you totally want them to!
KEEP READING: Liz Lemon … Donaghy?![PAGEBREAK]
The Players: Jack Donaghy and his colleague Liz Lemon
The Scandal: They hook up. Oh, c’mon, you know you want them to!
The Outcome: More craziness than even Tracy Jordan can bring. It would be a one-night hook-up, of course, but the ensuing weirdness between the two co-workers and pals would provide comic fodder for seasons to come. And yes, again, you know you totally want them to!
KEEP READING: Lost in Hell![PAGEBREAK]
The Players: The passengers on Oceanic flight 815
The Scandal: The island … it was Purgatory!
The Outcome: J.J. Abrams, Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse get a lot of angry e-mails and letters.
MORE: Melrose Place Rumors: Fake or for Real?
