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The Hills, Season 3: Episode 24 Review

What in the hell is wrong with Spencer? I thought the problem was all that hair gel leaking into his brain, but now I’m starting to suspect something more sinister.

Someone is definitely poisoning his pizza with drops of stupid. She-Pratt perhaps? Because if Stephanie’s intention isn’t murder, what other reason could she possibly have for letting him freeload at her apartment?

That argument over lunch meat? Seriously, to quote the folks over on Television Without Pity.com, this guy is a total douche. Jessica Simpson needs to write him a thank you note–as she is no longer the Dumbest Twit in Hollywood. A feat more impressive because Spencer also managed to usurp his one-time fiancé for that title.

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But think about this for a moment: How dumb do you have to be to want to stalk Heidi Montag? And stalk her, he does. Straight into the woman’s room at S-Bar.

Because that’s when he wants to have a fight with his girlfriend–on national television, no less. Three steps away from the toilet at a crowded nightclub is where he wants to be. Give it up. This guy has done the seemingly impossible. He’s made the show’s other main plot–the ins-and-outs of the fashion industry–appear almost normal by comparison.

Speaking of the fashion industry…I get that Kelly from People’s Revolution is supposed to be the biggest bitch on television, but last night I realized something else: She’s also the only person around who seems to be telling the truth about anything.

Yes, models aren’t the sharpest tool in the shed. Yes, they’re also strung out on coke. And, yes, as Kelly puts it, they need to be “corralled like cattle.” The same goes for Spencer and Heidi and the rest of this cast. Corralled. And driven very, very far away.

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