We don’t know whether it was because Donald Trump decided to let a giant piece of Honeycombs cereal permanently rest on his head or when he started going on and on about the president’s birth certificate, but Celebrity Apprentice is now about nothing other than ridiculous moments. This week the two teams of “all stars” had to make a five minute long soap opera to promote Crystal Light’s new “Goo You Squeeze Into Water Because It Doesn’t Have Enough Flavor.” Wait, that’s not what it was called, but if LaToya Jackson can’t get the name right, why should I bother? Here are the 10 most ridiculous moments of the night.
10. Gary Busey Has Gone to the Spiritual Realm: When Marilu Henner apologizes to Gary he tells her he’s been injected with love from angel. He’s a human in an angel suit. Sure, whatever you say, Gary. Just don’t say anything else in your creepy squeaky voice anymore.
9. The Layered Magenta Top with a Bow and Brooch That Omarosa Manigault Wears: Why does it look like she’s wearing a wedding cake dyed pink?
8. Omarosa Vs. LaToya: When Ms. Jackson because we’re nasty laid down the law and told Omarosa she wasn’t going shopping, Omarosa got pissed and lippy, then LaToya told her to quiet down, echoing the sentiments of everyone in America who watches this show. That was the disrespect that really set Omarosa off, and they both had their hands on their hips and started calling each other boo and using fake passive aggressive niceness and, well, it was all over. But, sorry O, this round went to LaToya.
7. Trace Adkins Compares Susan Lucci to Horse Flesh: Really, Trace? That’s the best you can do for 20 time Emmy loser Susan Lucci?
6. Trace’s Threats: When Stephen Baldwin was bossing around Marilu, Trace spoke in a voice as calm as a sleeping child and as deep as the pit the Balrog fell into. “Stephen, if you’re not nicer to Marilu, I’m going to kill you.” Nothing scarier than that.
5. LaToya Doesn’t Know the Crystal Light Brands: On every reality show there is one thing you don’t do: don’t forget the lyrics on American Idol, don’t give up immunity on Survivor, and don’t mess up the name of the brand on Apprentice. LaToya, how can you not know the first rule of Donald Trump’s Celebrity Fight Club?
4.Omarosa’s Crocodile Tears: I don’t know what’s worse, Omarosa bringing out her tears over her dead fiance for the second week in a row or that the show keeps pressing the point of her pain. And honestly, Omarosa, you shouldn’t get all bent out of shape about the 911 call your husband made before he died. Every 911 call in California is public domain and comes out in the press, so what did you think you were going to do to stop it?
3. Jokes About Dennis Rodman’s Hankie: Claudia asked if there was DNA on the hankie he lent to Omarosa to dry her tears. Seriously? Where do you think he was pleasuring himself? Also, gross.
2. LaToya Didn’t Take Omarosa Into the Boardroom: Is she crazy? Is she crazy like a fox? There were plenty of reasons to get rid of Omarosa and she was fighting hard in the boardroom, so why not bring her back? Did LaToya have a plan? It must have been a crazy plan because there was no reason to boot out Dennis or Brande. No matter what her plan was, it backfired because she ended up being fired. Sorry LaToya, you only had room for one mistake, and you made it.
1. That This Show Is Two Hours Long: Seriously, there was about 45 minutes of good drama last night wrapped up in 75 minutes of stuff that no one, not even the ever self-aggrandizing Donald Trump, cares about. I know that NBC’s schedules has more holes than Gary Busey’s tattered boxer shorts, but that is no reason to keep this bloated mess of a show on for two hours, for criminey’s sake.
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
[Photo Credit: NBC]