It’s official: Jill Zarin is moving on from her former status as a Real Housewife of New York. The reality star announced on her blog this morning that she’s taking a position at ABC’s Good Afternoon America, the network’s new companion show for Good Morning America.
But Zarin’s not the only Housewife whom Hollywood has called. NeNe Leakes (The Real Housewives of Atlanta) has given us a taste of her attitude as swim coach Roz Washington on Glee, and she’s set as a recurring character on NBC’s new series The New Normal. And in case you haven’t noticed, these housewives are an ambitious bunch. Even Alexis Bellino from The Real Housewives of Orange County has multiple business ventures going on, even if one of them is mispronouncing people’s names on San Diego’s morning Fox News broadcast.
So what about the other Real Housewives? Where can they go, should Hollywood call their names?
Gretchen Rossi (Orange County)
She can’t sing (because she’s got allergies, and is this lighting weird? And oh my gawd, this dress is just too tight. Is it hot in here?) and she clearly can’t wrestle even a chuckle out of a stand-up comedy audience (unless you count the shocked, breathless laughter that followed her mid-set striptease). She can play the bikini-clad non-Vanna White to the new cable show (which definitely isn’t copying Wheel of Fortune): Spell That Outdated Catchphrase And Spin The Oval of Potential Doom: Spring Break Edition.
Alexis Bellino (Orange County)
Alright, “Alexis already has a TV job,” says the avid RHOOC viewer. And, “Duh,” says I. “But why are you giving her another job?” says ARHOOCV. She’s not so great at it; just go with it. After making mashed potatoes of her last morning show guest’s name, Alexis can be repurposed to a correspondent who talks about things she knows best, like changing the vowels at the end of Latin American countries (Costa Rico!). She can host a weekly tip session for fabricating plastic surgery excuses for your group of friends who’ve spent just as much time under the knife and don’t actually care about your surgery until you lie about it. It’s a wealth of possibilities, Housewivers.
Michaele Salahi (DC)
The White House Correspondents’ Dinner party crasher can have only one Hollywood job. It is the noblest and most fabled of Hollywood’s non-professions: the groupie. Oh, what’s that? She left her faux-rich husband and ran away with the guitarist of treasured ‘80s rock band, Journey? And went on tour with him? Bravo, Miss Salahi. Bravo.
Alex McCord (New York)
After abruptly leaving the RHONY cast, Alex told the world that parting was such sweet sorrow (we’re paraphrasing here), but months later, she told friends in an e-mail obtained by the New York Post that the Housewives show was “faux reality” and a “train wreck.” The “level-headed” Brooklynite was always quick to assert herself as the “normal” one on the show, so it’s only natural that she would take her normal voice to a news/variety show like Good Morning America (Today’s network, NBC, owns Bravo, so that could get messy) where she can host a weekly segment speaking out about the detrimental effects of all this faux reality, at which point The Queen of Jordan’s iconic “HAM!” is heard ringing through the air and the natural (reality) order is restored.
Danielle Staub (New Jersey)
Staub face buckets of controversy after her rise to fame as a Real Housewife of New Jersey thanks to her decision (which definitely wasn’t made in some sort of irrational state) to sign a three-year nudie deal with a gentlemen’s club. Luckily, her turn on Famous Food, a reality series in which “celebrities” re-do a restaurant from “the ground up,” showed a handful of people that she was still on reality TV. Staub could host a series akin to The Pick-up Artist in which she wears street-illegal outfits and instructs other reality show dropouts in the art of garnering jobs on other reality shows. It’s all so meta.
Who’s your favorite current or former housewife? And what Tinseltown job would you give her?
[Image: David Edwards, Daily Celeb]