The season premiere of The Bachelor is tonight and from the looks of thunderclouds and lightning bolts and plaid shirts and Wrangler jeans in the trailer, Brad Womack will spend the entire first episode insisting that he had sand rubbed on his nipples in the playground as a baby and that’s why he walked away from both Deanna Pappas and Jenni Croft in the finale of the eleventh season in 2007. He’ll also exclaim numerous times that he really is ready for love, hopes America can forgive him, and prays these women are dumb enough to believe that the second time this show will be successful in people getting married will come immediately after the disaster that was Jake and Vienna.
As we can see, the whole time he talks about getting a second chance and hoping the audience opens up to the possibility that he’s a changed man. But change doesn’t just happen to someone. That’s why not even even those gross posters of decaying lungs and clogged aortas can get a smoker to quit smoking. Change comes from an event, like the way getting mugged on New Year’s Eve makes you realize that just because you shop at FUBU doesn’t mean you’re a tough guy and you need to get back to the gym (you can still watch Teen Mom there, after all). So what got Brad Womack believing that he deserves to have ABC hand pick more women for him?
Who knows. What Brad does know is that he is a different man, who no longer pushes people away from him before they have the opportunity to hurt him (as evidenced by the way he didn’t insist that green dress chick be sentenced to life as a fence post in Texas for slapping him upon exiting the limo). What he doesn’t know is that porcupines are actually really smart, and they’d appreciate it if he stopped blaming them for his habit of rejecting intimacy.
