The school bell rung. The season is over. But the Gossip Girl finale leaves a few nagging questions, such as: The United States has the highest degree of teen pregnancy in the Western industrialized world (with 31 percent of young women getting knocked up each year), so why would a bunch of New Yorkers care about one more?
Oh, but care they do.
When Serena gets her photo snapped while buying a pregnancy test, the rumors begin flying around Constance High. Turns out she’s just covering for Blair, who’s just a commercial break away from pulling an Eliot Spitzer–but we’ll get there in a moment.
First, I’d like to understand why it is that the son of a rock star is the sanest guy on this show? I mean, hasn’t anyone seen the Osborne’s? Isn’t Dan supposed to be neck deep in pathos and pathology?
But no, this kid can keep cool like a walk in freezer. When he hears tell that Serena’s nine months shy of being his baby mommy, Dan decides to proclaim his undying love and does the right thing. Guess there are a few guys left in Brooklyn who don’t act like they’re in a Spike Lee movie.
On the other hand, once the real truth comes out and Blair’s past indiscretions become present public property, the rest of the GG crew doesn’t miss an opportunity for nasty.
Chuck and Nate break up the afternoon lull with a little fist-a-cuffs, the ruling clique commences their own Blair Bitch Project, and Little Jenny finally gets her seat at the table—after pulling it from beneath the now kicked ass of one Ms. Waldorf.
Speaking of proud titles—what was up with the scene of Blair screaming at Serena about her vaulted family name? I thought that ship sailed when her father left her mother for a gay model twenty years his junior?
I guess we’ll just have to wait until April 21st—when the next season begins rolling—for our answers.
Still, one thing is certain: If seeing Blair claw her way back to the top of the food chain is half the fun as her watching her fall, then we’ve got some good television ahead of us.
