1. Katie’s acting weird again… After being dumped by Paramount Pictures, Tom Cruise is looking for some rebound love from Yahoo! The War of the Worlds star met with excecs at the Internet giant’s Santa Monica office Thursday. Accompanying Tom was baby momma Katie Holmes, who, for whatever reason, wore a coat and boots on a scorching 100-degree California summer day.
2. And Tom was right all along… Matt Lauer really is glib. The Today show host defended Tom Cruise, who was recently dumped by Paramount. “Maybe he speaks out about Scientology and some people don’t like that, but what about the stars who are in and out of rehab every week?” Lauer pondered. “Is that any worse?” No, it’s not. But what’s with Matt brownnosing the star who called him “glib” on national TV?
3. Tears of a clown… “I, like, cry, when I listen to it, it’s so good.” That’s Paris Hilton describing her debut album Paris (Photos from Paris’ Debut CD Launch Party). ”People love it. Everyone’s like, ‘Who is this?’ I don’t tell. Because I don’t want someone putting their phone up and recording it and making a ring tone off of it.” We almost wish we knew what the hell she was talking about.
4. Cletus, meanwhile, still inhabits Bizarro World… “I’m happy. I think I pulled it off pretty well.” That’s Britney Spears’ husband defending his pitiful performance at the Teen Choice Awards. “He’s a joke, basically. I just don’t think he gets it.” That’s XXL magazine editor-in-chief Elliot Wilson, here on Earth, condemning Britney Spears‘ husband.
5. That’s so not what anyone meant… Contestants on the upcoming Survivor will be divided into teams based on their race: African-American, Asian-American, Hispanic and white. Host Jeff Probst defended the decision on The Early Show, saying, “The idea for this actually came from the criticism that Survivor was not ethnically diverse enough.” Check your local listings for the upcoming special, Cross Island Boating: The Desegregation of Cook Islands.
6. Note to networks: No one actually likes those… We’re talking about those annoying musical episodes of otherwise good TV shows. While we thoroughly enjoyed MTV’s musical rendition of Daria, it didn’t work for Buffy the Vampire Slayer and 7th Heaven. Maybe it’s fun for the cast, but unless it’s featuring Trent and set in Lawndale, we don’t want to see stars singing through a TV script.
7. Hollywood is grasping at straws again… Christian Slater and Winona Ryder have signed on to star in a sequel to their cult film Heathers. That’s just crazy talk because we all know J.D. died outside Westerburg High School after Veronica detonated that bomb strapped to his chest. But Winona tells Entertainment Weekly, “It takes place in Washington and Christian Slater agreed to come back and make an Obi-Wan-type appearance.” So J.D. comes back as a Jedi Knight?
8. And Cindy gives Revlon the fat middle finger… Want younger-looking skin in just 14 days? Try Revlon’s Age Defying Makeup with Bota…. Scrap that. Former Revlon model Cindy Crawford credits her enduring good looks to cosmetic surgery. “I’m not going to lie to myself: past a certain age, creams work on the texture of your skin, but in order to restore elasticity, all I can really count on is vitamin injections, Botox and collagen,” Cindy tells Gala magazine. “I owe the quality of my skin to a cosmetic surgeon.”
9. Except we’re laughing at him… Zach Braff is laughing off reports he’s hooked up with Jessica Simpson. “Totally made up,” Zach counters. “I’ve met her a couple times, she’s a sweet girl, but I think I saw her two months ago at a bar in the Hamptons and that was it.” The odds of Zach scoring Jessica Simpson are about as great as Headline News’ resident cheese ball Glenn Beck scoring Jessica Alba on his lame ass show.
10. But Dane Cook has suddenly become disturbingly hot… Jessica Alba lost a tooth after an overzealous love scene with her Good Luck Chuck costar Dane Cook. “I lost a tooth. Isn’t that disgusting?” Jessica said. “Dane and I were smashing our faces together.”
