10 Times Tina Belcher Perfectly Represented Hormonal Teenagers

Bob's Burgers© 2014 FOX BROADCASTING

The Belchers, on the whole, are more relatable than we thought an animated family could ever be. But today, we’re gathered here to talk about 14-year-old Tina, the Belchers’ blooming flower — to quoth Ms. Spears: not a girl, not yet a woman. Tina can feel her body a-changing, and her developing womanhood makes itself known constantly through her shameless and vocal obsession with love, boys, and butts. And we love her for it. After all, underneath our cool exteriors, all of us are just sex-crazed teenagers. Here are a few of Tina’s finest, most boy-crazy quotes.

On dipping, skinny.
“There’s a lot of carrots in that stew.”

On getting set up by her dad.
Tina: “Dad, you’re the best pimp a girl could ever have.”
Bob: “Oh, Tina. I’ve been waiting all my life to hear those words.”

On creating one’s own reality.
Gene: “What kind of maniac gets up an hour early to write erotic fan fiction?”
Tina, softly: “Me.”

On being smooth.
“Here’s a bunch of numbers. They may look random, but they’re my phone number.”

On being a one-man woman.
“Is it possible to be in love with 25 people at once?”

On curiosity, scientific.
“If we see any mermaids, I’m gonna ask them where their merginas are.”

On the timeless appeal of athletic competition.
Tina: “I had no idea there was so much butt touching in baseball.”
Louise: “That’s how they communicate, Tina. It’s like Braille, but with butts.” 

On the apocalypse.
Tina: “I’m compiling a list of people I can mate with to repopulate the Earth.”
Gene: “Here, let me see that. Gay, gay, mythical creature, gay mythical creature, in your dreams…”

On second chances.
“Jimmy Jr. had a chance to ride the Tina truck, but now it’s headed straight for Joshville. Toot-toot.”

On anyone. Really, ANYONE.
“Dr. Yap is dreamy. When he’s looking at my molars, it’s like he’s looking into my soul.”