The Players: Tim Curry, Gary Cole, Sasha Pieterse, Caitlin Wachs, Luke Benward (pilot only), Jimmy “Jax” Pinchak (in subsequent episodes). Produced by (among others) brothers Sid and Marty Krofft
Series synopsis: When two nieces, a nephew, and a doll (Mrs. Beasley) show up on playboy Bill Davis’ New York penthouse doorstep, he and his man Friday, Mr. French, must contend with the wackiness that ensues.
Airs on: The WB, Thursdays, 8-8:30 p.m.
Pilot plot: Upon returning from a business trip, successful engineer bachelor Bill Davis (Cole) is confronted with a surprise visit by his deceased brother’s children, twin 6-year-olds Buffy (Pieterse) and Jody (played here by Benward and to be replaced by Pinchak). Bill’s sister Jenny, who had been caring for the twins in Indiana, announces that she is “done raising kids” (Eve Gordon, who looks to be in her mid-to-late thirties, is oddly cast as a woman whose own children have already left the nest.). She abandons the children, leaving Bill and his butler Mr. French ( Curry) to find a way to unload them, lest the youngsters cramp their lifestyle of cocktail parties and sailing trophies. In the meantime, French attempts to keep Buffy and Jody occupied at the playground and suffers a fall from the jungle gym (don’t ask). When the butler retires to an operatic bubble bath, the twins proceed to accidentally set fire to the kitchen and, afraid of being sent away, hide in a suitcase. After a frantic search for the children aided by the sudden arrival of their big sister Sissy (Wachs), all is forgiven, understood, and settled–the kids stay.
Bottom Line: You could consider Family Affair counter-programming to Friends. Then again, so is turning off your TV. When a single-camera sitcom–clearly not shot in front of an audience — has a laugh track, it’s always a bad sign. And when even the canned audience doesn’t laugh, you know you’re in deep trouble. Considering the supposed curse that surrounds the original 1966-71 CBS series (star Brian Keith committed suicide, Anissa Jones OD’d; Sebastian Cabot died of a stroke; Mrs. Beasley’s whereabouts are unknown), may still be lingering in the air. This redo would be tantamount to career suicide for Tim Curry and Gary Cole, if the series lasted long enough to be any more than a blip on their résumés.
All of the above aside, The WB seems remarkably vested in seeing the show succeed – allowing for a one-hour pilot, rerunning it the Friday after the original Thursday premiere; and, perhaps most importantly, unveiling the “world premiere” of the Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets trailer during the broadcast. Boy, did they dangle that over the audience, a glimmer of hope to salvage the hour: Teasers at the beginning of the show, as on-screen text during the show, and at nearly every commercial break let us know that the trailer was “just a few minutes away.” But, of course, it didn’t come until the end.
