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The Hills, Season 4: Ep. 4 and 5 Reviews

It’s time for some tough talk.

As other bloggers have pointed out, The Hills has spent the past three seasons being an unscripted version of Gossip Girl–but somehow reality is conspiring against reality TV.

With major fan sites reporting that Heidi and Spenser are still together, all of this break-up tension isn’t all that tense. Even if we could overlook this small authenticity problem, whatever it was that Heidi saw in Spencer in the first place is long gone. All that remains is a petulant teenager with arguably the worst manners in L.A.–and that’s saying something.

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As Stephanie asks: “What are we 5-years-old now?” Unfortunately, the answer is yes.

It’s an entire hour of watching people blab about Brody, who talks to Lauren, who talks to Stephanie, who talks to Spencer, who wants to talk to Heidi, who’s trying to talk to Audrina, who does talks to Lauren, who only really talks to Whitney–or something like that. I mean, is this really supposed to be entertaining to anyone who made it out of the first grade?

The question remains: Why didn’t Kelly–who seems to by working pretty hard for the “Bitchiest Woman on Television” award–fire everyone at People’s Revolution for wearing all those bright colors? Didn’t she happen to catch her own speech about “everyone wears black” last week?

For a show that’s hypothetically “unscripted,” what’s up with Lauren stopping by for lunch and getting that job offer to work Fashion Week for People’s Revolution? Isn’t this just, um, a little too convenient?

And will someone please tell me why these gals spend so much time walking down the sidewalks in L.A.? Not only does nobody walk that much in the City of Angels, if they do bother to try putting one foot in front of the other, that foot is clad in flip-flops far more frequently than six-inch stripper heels.

Lastly, unless Bolthouse has given everyone a serious raise, I’m having trouble believing that a gal making Heidi’s starter salary goes shopping at a furniture store that sells $12,000 couches. Which is to say, I think there’s more reality to be had watching Beavis and Butthead reruns than anything this show has to offer.

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