How singing and dancing got marked with the ‘girly’ stricture in American culture is beyond me. It’s as if through most of history the dudes who could hoof it and hold a tune weren’t scoring the most babes. I got news for ya: They were. I got more news: They still do. No exception to this rule is the new film Nine from director Rob Marshall, in theaters on Christmas Day — a man’s musical if there ever was one.
Daniel Day Lewis fully morphs into Italian film director Guido Contini (a thinly veiled Federico Fellini), a man torn between the women in his life and their effect on his currently stumped creativity. He’s a playa, true, surrounded by half-naked dames swooning all over him like Kate Hudson, Penelope Cruz, Nicole Kidman, and Fergie. Even his beautiful wife (Marion Cotillard) strips down in his musical imagination. It’s the type of singing and dancing that can lead to one serious ‘closing of the deal’ for guys who are smart enough to take their dates to see it. Far from alone in being a musical that men would totally dig on, it’s prudent for you dudes wanting to de-caveman yourself to check out some of these other movie musicals packed with stuff guys love…
Gene Kelly makes dancing as masculine as it’s ever been. His numbers with Donald O’Connor are like watching the tap equivalent of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon battles.
A dude trains a crazed hobo chick to be an obedient hottie. How is this not a guy flick? When that lady is Audrey Hepburn, add 10 million points to the dude-fantasy scale.
South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut
First off, it’s South Park. Second, it’s South Park. What else do you need? Much like the show, it manages to deftly navigate the line between vulgarity and insightful social commentary with nary a bead of cheaply animated sweat to be seen.
Gang Knife Fights: The Movie. Sure, it’s Romeo and Juliet with ethnically divided teenagers wearing matching jackets, but it rocks and the songs are as memorable as they come. Stab stab. Sing sing. Stab stab. And it got to thank the Academy as well, taking home 10 Oscars including the biggie.
Peter O’ Toole is a knight singing of honor and nobility and his quest…but actually he’s a crazy old dude wearing a bunch of garbage as armor. He may be deluded, but in tough times, folks like to hold onto something bigger than themselves. If it were me, it would have been Sophia Loren and her barely contained (and very graspable) assets.
There’s not much manlier than King Arthur and his knights. The man’s man, Richard Harris, sings his way agreeably through this Arthur-Lancelot-Guinivere love triangle with enough swords and sorcery to quell even the most virulent of song-haters.
Moulin Rouge
Imagine yourself on lots of psychedelic drugs at a strip club and Nicole Kidman is singing to you while giving you a lap dance; everything is distorted and weird yet familiar. Welcome to Moulin Rouge.
Damn Yankees is Faust — if he liked baseball. The story is the ol’ deal-with-the-devil-for-cash-and-prizes thing, in this case, Tab Hunter dealing with Ray Walston in order to be a famous baseball star. Add in a buxom red-headed succubus and you’ve got a man-movie.
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
This Richard Lester-directed musical comedy packs a number of classic funnymen into its tale of a Roman slave (Zero Mostel) trying to earn his freedom by hooking up his owner with the uber-sexpot living next door. Complications ensue along with the prerequisite wackiness and some great songs.
A perfect accompanying piece to Nine, an autobiographical tale of a theater director who can’t seem to keep it in his pants, chain-smokes and hallucinates song-and0dance sequences while he gets more and more stressed trying to put his production together. Wait, isn’t this the description for Nine on the dot? Plus, boobies!
