[IMG:L]The good, the bad and ugly that have gone direct to DVD in recent weeks – with stars like Jared Padelecki, Peter O’Toole and, yes, even Steven Seagal! And click on this link to see Gone Direct-to-DVD: November 2008:
10. Moscow Zero
Cast: Vincent Gallo, Val Kilmer, Rade Serbedzija
The Verdict: It’s official: Kilmer’s the new Wesley Snipes. No surprise, really. His career’s been on the slide since his only Batman outing, so much so that even the highly regarded Kiss Kiss Bang Bang didn’t help him the way it helped Robert Downey Jr. Still, it’s sad to see a puffy, lethargic Kilmer reduced to guarding the gateway to Hell in this tedious horror excursion set in the catacombs beneath Moscow. And Kilmer’s Russian accent is worse than the one Harrison Ford adopted for K-19: The Widowmaker. There’s much stumbling in the dark — and nothing else — as an equally subdued Gallo tries to track down Quarantine’s Serbedzija before he’s torn to shreds by demons.
DVD Features: None
Stars: 1 out of 5 stars
KEEP READING: See No. 9 …
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9. Thomas Kinkade’s The Christmas Cottage
Cast: Jared Padalecki, Marcia Gay Harden, Peter O’Toole
The Verdict: O’Toole’s hardly the picture of good health in this sickly sweet yuletide yarn that immortalizes painter Thomas Kinkade’s artistic awakening and renewed community spirit. As Kinkade’s mentor, O’Toole could pass as the Ghost of Christmas Past. No wonder he’s always seated while speechifying. Still, his ramblings about being true to your art are more enjoyable than witnessing bland Kinkade stand-in Padalecki struggle to find the inspiration to create his most famous work of chocolate box art. Not to mention all the Hallmark-ish clichés boasting the joys of small-town living. By the time Padalecki puts down his brush, you’re left with the impression that The Christmas Cottage is less Kinkade’s gift to his undemanding fans than to himself.
DVD Features: Commentary with director Michael Campus and Thomas Kinkade; Deleted Scenes; and Building the Christmas Cottage, Home for Christmas: A Conversation with Thomas Kinkade and On the Set with Thomas Kinkade features.
Stars: 2 out of 5 stars
KEEP READING: See No. 8 …
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8. The Good Life
Cast: Zooey Deschanel, Bill Paxton, Chris Klein, Mark Webber
The Verdict: Life isn’t really that good for the college-bound Webber. His dad’s just died, his grieving mother’s broke, and his ailing movie theater boss (Harry Dean Stanton) can’t function without him. And he hates football, making him a pariah in his Nebraska hometown. Then an unhinged Deschanel arrives and declares herself Webber’s soul mate. Deschanel’s all flailing arms and overstated facial gestures, but at least she brings a jolt of energy to an otherwise drab and unrevealing look at teen angst. A sickly pale Webber’s so monotonous and standoffish that he makes it impossible to empathize with his social misfit. Paxton’s downright creepy as a theater patron, but like Klein, Patrick Fugit and Drea de Matteo, he’s barely given anything to do.
DVD Features: None.
Stars: 2 out of 5 stars
KEEP READING: See No. 7 …
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7. Linewatch
Cast: Cuba Gooding Jr., Sharon Leal
The Verdict: “Six years, never been shot at once,” Gooding’s U.S. Border Patrol Officer declares soon after coming under fire. So you know that means he won’t enjoy another gunfight-free six years while patrolling New Mexico. Indeed, what promisingly starts out as an inquiry into the business of illegal immigration unfortunately devolves into a bullet-riddled showdown between Gooding and the gang he ran with in his youth. At least director Kevin Bray (Walking Tall) is as interested in the tenacious relationship between Gooding and his old partner-in-crime Omari Hardwick as he is staging New Mexican standoffs. Gooding is all business — you can tell he wants Linewatch to earn him back the respect he’s loss since his Jerry Maguire Oscar win. It won’t, but at least Gooding’s trying.
DVD Features: Crossing Borders: Behind the Scenes of Linewatch feature.
Stars: 2 out of 5 stars
KEEP READING: See No. 6 …
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6. Kill Switch
Cast: Steven Seagal, Isaac Hayes
The Verdict: “I think I dropped something,” Seagal’s above-the-law Tennessee cop jokes after tossing a bombing suspect through the window. That so-bad-it’s-funny quip — stretched out thanks to Seagal’s Memphis-style BBQ sauce-thick accent — establishes Kill Switch as his first old-school DVD endeavor. It’s actually fun to watch Seagal once again channel Dirty Harry to catch a killer. What’s more, there’s a looseness to him that was missing from made-for-DVD downers like Black Dawn and Shadow Man. Not that you believe for one minute that the Fatman in Black’s beating up the bad guys — it’s obviously a stuntman in padding doing the hard work. Seagal may never retain his Hard to Kill fighting form again, but Kill Switch happily takes us back to when he threw his own punches.
DVD Features: None.
Stars: 3 out of 5 stars
KEEP READING: See No. 5 …
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Cast: Paul Walker, Piper Perabo, Linda Cardellini, Bob Gunton
The Verdict: At first you wonder whether this imaginative exercise in redemption was intended to be a Bible-thumping version of The Prisoner. After receiving his shot of sodium thiopental, Walker’s Death Row prisoner wakes up in a strange psychiatric hospital run by Gunton’s kindly priest. Walker may not be alive, but if he stays to make up for his past sins, he could return to wife Perabo. Leave, and he’s eternally damned. “Only a fool spits in the face of God,” an angel-like being advises Walker. By the time all is revealed, though, The Lazarus Project seems as much like the work of a spiritual person trying to spread the word of the God as it is (intentionally or otherwise) a screed against organized religion.
DVD Features: Deleted Scenes.
Stars: 3 out of 5 stars
KEEP READING: See No. 4 …
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4. The Clique
Cast: Elizabeth McLaughlin, Ellen Marlow
The Verdict: Do we really need a 7th-grade version of Mean Girls? Tyra Banks thinks so, and as executive producer, her manicured fingers are all over this bubbly adaptation of Lisi Harrison’s first Clique novel. The four girls in the Pretty Committee — led by the deliciously bitchy McLaughlin — strut down the hallways of their exclusive private school in pricey designer clothes as though they’re on America’s Next Top Model. As the T.J. Maxx-outfitted new girl in school, the upbeat but bland Marlow naturally finds herself in McLaughlin’s crosshairs. It’s all very predictable — especially when Marlow turns the tables on McLaughlin — but director Michael Lembeck (the Rock’s upcoming Tooth Fairy — and longtime TV second banana) pushes the boundaries of the PG rating to let these mean tweens get as catty as possible.
DVD Features: The Search for the Real Life Pretty Committee, Ehmagawd! We’re Rolling, The Clique Movie: Tween Couture, The Clique Movie Casting Contest Winners, and Clique Girlz in the Studio features; Gag Reel; and DVD PC Rom.
Stars: 3 out of 5 stars
KEEP READING: See No. 3 …
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Cast: William Hurt, Rita Wilson, Michelle Trachtenberg, Brett Davern, David Call, Julianna Margulies
The Verdict: Chad Lowe knows what it’s like to live in the shadow of an accomplished older brother. So it’s fitting that his directorial debut is an eloquent exploration of sibling rivalry. Lowe clearly identifies with William Messerman (Davern), a well-adjusted high-school student who fights for the attention of parents Hurt and Wilson. They’re preoccupied with David (Call), a space cadet of a math protégé. The affable Davern makes it easy to cheer on William’s efforts to come into his own. Oddly, though, Lowe neglects to examine the ramifications of William’s later actions that have a profound and lasting impact on his family. After devoting all this time getting to know the Messermans, it’s disappointing not to see how they respond to such a family crisis.
DVD Features: None.
Stars: 3 out of 5 stars
KEEP READING: See No. 2 …
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2. Night of the White Pants
Cast: Nick Stahl, Tom Wilkinson, Selma Blair
The Verdict: Ready for some sex, drugs and punk rock? In this droll night-in-the-life-of character study, Wilkinson’s corporate bigwig goes on a bender so he can forget his health problems, forced retirement, and impending divorce. There’s something irrefutably funny about watching a disheveled Wilkinson snort coke, hook up with a young hottie and pogo to punk rock. But the wily Wilkinson makes you feel sympathetic for this selfish bastard who’s finally realized that all he’s accomplished has come at the expense of spending time with daughter Blair and son Fran Kranz. Along for the ride is Stahl — Blair’s rocker boyfriend — which results in some amusing generational culture clashes. As for Wilkinson’s white pants, well, there are only so many stains that will come out in the wash.
DVD Features: Deleted Scenes; and Making of and About the Music features.
Stars: 3 out of 5 stars
KEEP READING: See No 1. …
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1. Dance of the Dead (Ghost House Underground collection)
Cast: Jared Kusnitz, Greyson Chadwick, Chandler Darby, Justin Welborn
The Verdict: This spirited, resourceful zombie spoof gleefully splices Shaun of the Dead with American Pie. Directed with a punk-rock attitude, it emphasizes laughs over gore as horny high schoolers spend prom night battling the undead. It also features a surprisingly romantic moment that involves two lovers, a zombie-filled gym and a sweet cover of Pat Benatar’s “Shadows of the Night.”
Dance of the Dead is part of a five-DVD Ghost House Underground collection that includes a couple of other goodies. One is: The Last House in the Woods, an Italian response to French splatterfests Frontier(s) and Inside that creeps us out to no end — and makes us throw up our microwave popcorn — as it pits a young couple against a family of freaks with a taste for flesh. In the other, The Substitute, we get the deadliest substitute teacher since Tom Berenger. Paprika Sheen — of Dogme 95 fame — is smart, sassy and seductive. She also hails from a race of warring aliens who have come to Earth to learn how to love before they destroy themselves. It’s all a drolly comical and marvelously inventive sci-fi allegory that proves love can’t be taught, it can only be experienced.
DVD Features: Commentary with director Gregg Bishop and writer Joe Ballarini; Deleted and Extended Scenes; Making of; Blood Guts and Rock ’n’ Roll: Effects and Stunts; and Voodoo, a short film by director Gregg Bishop.
Stars: 4 out of 5 stars
