Do you remember the excitement in wondering what would happen if seven college-aged strangers were chosen to live together for three months? Do you recall anticipating the edgy discussions that could arise, the romances that might ignite–or the carnal brawls that would likely erupt between individuals with polar opposite upbringings? I once did, back in 1992, before MTV’s The Real World premiered, but now with the show having wrapped its 16th season, the answer has become redundant.
The Real World, a show that began in New York as a legitimate social experiment cast quite aptly with ‘real’ people, has unofficially morphed into something much less–a Texas-style tumbleweed of hooey and hormones.
The scene of the crime (literally…more on that later) was Austin, a city full of locals seemingly not too fond of their new neighbors. Every night spent out on the town, which appeared to be every night for these “handpicked” strangers, featured scenes of harassment, both verbal and physical.
The fifteen various casts leading up to Austin’s had always been diverse–racially, economically and socially–thus making an effort to represent a cross-section of America’s youth. However, the cast from Austin, in comparison, was disturbingly homogenous and one-dimensional. In a way they did fit perfectly together. Each person made the very most out of their deemed life’s right to party. Nehemiah’s identity as an African-American, Rachel ‘s military service, and Lacey’s abstinence acted as the only external traits thrusting diversity upon them.
The remaining four: Wes, Danny, Johanna, and Melinda proved to be some of creator/producer John Murray’s worst selections, to date. Never mind the fact that they were blindly intoxicated most of the time, the real story with these four was their active tongues–and how their wagging mouthpieces ended-up on such a wide array of objects and people every week.
The show, plainly stated, has become predictable, but there still was an allure in watching seven people struggle to remain happy for three long months. Since 2001’s Chicago season, when more intrusive night-vision cameras were added to the house, we’ve been watching the tenants share, and even sometimes sleep in their beds. I remember an alarming moment in my own voyeurism as I watched a Real World housemate wash a spatula, while my own chores went untended.
So, with the curtain having closed on the latest installment of The Real World, what kind of trouble did these “crazy” kids get into? Let’s take a closer look at the sometimes abused, other times convicted vapid clowns who inhabited the renovated warehouse in Austin, Texas.
Rachel
Age: 21
Hometown: Valencia, California
MTV Says: Four years of the Army have taught Rachel to be tough, confident and outspoken.
A Cross Between: San Diego’s Robin & Hawaii’s Amaya
Never did back down from a heated round of political debate with housemate Nehemiah. Did she win or lose said battles? Well, let’s just say that when she ended her side of the argument with “I hope you get a brain aneurysm in your sleep,” she all but threw in the towel. If you think her boyfriend back home is sharper, refer to the episode where he sent her ice cream via United States Postal Service, and called up to ask if the added dry ice kept it solid over the week-long commute.
Lacey
Age: 23
Hometown: Tallahassee, Florida
MTV Says: Once in a while someone so truly unique crosses your path it makes you think they exist in a parallel universe. Lacey is just that sort of girl.
A Cross Between: Back to New York’s Rachel & Matt from New Orleans
Lacey, like many of her closed-minded predecessors, has much to learn in the real world. No, not in MTV’s fishbowl, she needs to get out into the actual world. As a native Floridian, her radioactive paleness is proof enough of this. Lacey made her way through the experience much differently than her housemates. Instead of absorbing the experience like the others, she preferred to relish her time in her own bubble world.
[PAGEBREAK]Nehemiah
Age: 19
Hometown: Rancho Cucamonga, California
MTV Says: What he needs desperately are some loyal friends, an abundance of love and to continue really living life!
A Cross Between: Alton from Las Vegas & Paris’ Ace
Nehemiah was one of the typical Real World cases where enough of him wasn’t shown to establish a personality. There were hints of a complex childhood, but every attempt at achieving personal depth was immediately squashed by his teaming up with Wes for a night out on the town.
Wes
Age: 19
Hometown: Kansas City, Kansas
MTV Says: He takes pride in projecting himself as an obnoxious, super-competitive jock, but he is also bright and entrepreneurial.
A Cross Between: Philadelphia’s Landon & the aforementioned spatula
We’ve seen many like Wes stumble onto the set of The Real World before. He took this as a once in a lifetime chance to party on MTV’s dollar, while striking out with nearly every girl who crossed the threshold of The Dizzy Rooster (the clan’s favorite night-spot).
Wes will go down in history as the sole creator of ‘the groupie drawer.” Which was, exactly what it sounds like: a drawer full of bar napkins with gals’ phone numbers scribbled in lipstick. When the mood is right, and cohort Nehemiah is on board, Wes often ventured into the groupie drawer to set up a lovely evening of awkward conversation with a few of the chosen, lucky, single ladies of Austin.
Johanna
Age: 21
Hometown: Riverside, California
MTV Says: Johanna knows that the combination of her looks and intellect can get her just about anything she wants.
A Cross Between: Back to New York’s Lori & Cara from Chicago
Austin may have outranked all past seasons as MTV’s most criminally active Real World. This statistic, in large part, has been due to the drunken antics of the ostensibly sweet Johanna. It seems like just yesterday that the Austin season premiered, and she was punching and ripping the shirt off of a thoughtful Nehemiah, whose only offense was making sure she was safe—too bad, he ended getting arrested a few episodes later.
Danny & Melinda
Ages: 21
Hometown: Massachusetts & Wisconsin
MTV Says: Danny is humble, good-looking, and sensitive. Melinda is far more than a waitress and aspiring dentist.
A Cross Between: Every couple you’ve known in life who spend more time arguing than they do thinking about why they’re together in the first place.
Without a doubt, the biggest story to emerge from Austin, as well as the longest inter-cast relationship to appear in the show’s history, Danny and Melinda wasted no time in proclaiming their love for each other. It was the first episode when the sparks began, but their union has been anything but smooth.
After getting settled into the new house, Danny’s luck appeared to have hit rock bottom. It was one of the first nights out when his face got smashed in during a street tussle, and then immediately following was his journey back home to Massachusetts to attend his mother’s funeral.
When he eventually returned to Austin, it was directly into the caring arms of Melinda, but since then, his extreme bouts of jealousy have been the cause of many heated arguments. Consider them broken up if Melinda so much as compliments another man’s shoes, but the real problem of this relationship is that it’s unbelievable, and at times awfully shallow.
Melinda entered the show as a needy one, appearing to use Danny as a crutch to heal her recent break-up; and it seemed like the only reason he stayed in the relationship was to keep her from other men. We’ll wait for the reunion special to find out how true a bond it was.
So finally the Austin season has officially come to a close. After successfully filming a music festival documentary, and taking their vacation to Costa Rica my guess is that few on the cast will be missed. An even better guess would be that they won’t have a chance to be missed, as I’m sure a portion of the Austin cast will be appearing on a Real World/Road Rules Challenge before we can blink. The formula has been staling, the casts are petty, but I’m still watching…perhaps that makes me the worst of all.
