Alone in the Dark best sums up the experience of sitting in a theater watching almost anything starring Christian Slater.
Same goes for Tara Reid.
That’s assuming, of course, you’re not at home and about to put on the latest direct-to-DVD offering with either Slater or Reid.
So only a hack such as House of the Dead director Uwe Boll would pair these headline-grabbing party animals in an adaptation of the seminal videogame Alone in the Dark.
Slater showed great promise in Heathers and True Romance, but now he’s content to be Val Kilmer‘s wingman. Audiences never developed a taste for Tara Reid despite being red hot after American Pie.
What’s gone wrong?
Tara Reid
Bye, bye American Pie, bye, bye career. Aside from briefly turning heads in The Big Lebowski, Reid never landed any roles of consequence before getting hot and heavy with Thomas Ian Nicholas in American Pie. Same goes with before and after American Pie 2.
Reid seems stuck in a rut, popping up in lousy comedies that lack the flavor of American Pie. She was annoyingly ditzy in Just Visiting, exhausting in Josie and the Pussycats, and just plain bored in National Lampoon’s Van Wilder and My Boss’s Daughter.
Her few attempts at anything remotely substantial-Body Shots and Dr. T and the Women–proved unworthy of attention.
Does it simply come down to a lack of talent? Maybe. Or perhaps Reid just doesn’t apply herself. These days, she seems to be more content with being famous for being famous.
The Paris Hilton of Young Hollywood, Reid‘s eyebrow-raising late-night antics continually keep her in the spotlight. But Reid‘s public boo boos–such as inadvertently going all Girls Gone Wild at a recent P.Diddy bash-won’t help her secure better parts in bigger films.
No doubt all would be forgiven-at least in Hollywood-if this party girl had good reason to celebrate. Her box office achievements are not worth toasting. She’s not been in a hit since appearing in American Pie 2, and even then her role was slimmed down. Heck, she didn’t even attend an American Wedding.
The chiller Devil’s Pond had the dubious distinction of premiering on DVD. So will The Crow: Wicked Prayer, the comic-book character’s fourth beyond-the-grave quest for vengeance.
Don’t think Reid‘s given up on comedy. A frequent guest on Scrubs, Reid‘s developing a Fox sitcom that would playfully exploit her reputation as a Hollywood hottie with a wild streak.
Such a move would benefit Reid. She’s blown her opportunity to make it in movies, and toiling week in and week out on a sitcom might allow her to develop the comic timing she so sorely lacks.
Tara Reid’s Greatest Hits
American Pie 2…$145.1 million
American Pie…$102.5 million
Urban Legend…$38 million
Tara Reid’s Greatest Misses
Body Shots…$752,122
Just Visiting…$4.7 million
Josie and the Pussycats…$14.2 million
My Boss’s Daughter…$15.5 million
National Lampoon’s Van Wilder…$21.3 million
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Christian Slater
Christian Slater‘s cunning and murderous misconduct in Heathers instantly earned him a reputation as a young Jack Nicholson wannabe.
Sixteen years later and Slater still can’t escape the tired-but valid-comparisons that he’s constantly mimicking Nicholson’s sly grin, deliberate delivery and volcanic temper. He even tempted fate last year by starring in a British stage revival of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. The risk paid off as Slater astonishingly earned some of the finest reviews of his career.
That’s not happened to Slater since 1998’s delightfully mean-spirited Very Bad Things, in which he seemingly played an older, nastier and yuppified clone of Heather’s J.D. Dean. Prior to that, Slater also received praise for all but abandoning his Nicholson-esque ways in the hipper-than-young-Elvis True Romance, written by Quentin Tarantino.
Very Bad Things and True Romance represented Slater‘s best chance to win over audiences weary of his off-screen troubles with the law. But both flopped due to their excessive body counts. Consequently, Slater‘s yet to prove he can star in a hit without the help of a superstar such as Kevin Costner (Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves), Tom Cruise (Interview With the Vampire) and John Travolta (Broken Arrow).
He’s floundered in romances (Untamed Heart, Bed of Roses), shoot ’em ups (Mobsters, Hard Rain) and comedies (Jimmy Hollywood, Who Is Cletis Tout?). Even after the success of Broken Arrow, Slater‘s Julian Po and Basil were dumped on video.
Alone in the Dark won’t help or hurt Slater. This videogame adaptation will fall and rise on its ability to sate horror fans’ thirst for blood. But it arrives with none of the anticipation of Resident Evil.
Pursued, a surprisingly entertaining psychological thriller that features Slater channeling the spirit of the Joker as a corporate headhunter with homicidal tendencies already went straight to DVD last month. The satire Churchill: The Hollywood Years-with Slater as an actor portraying Britain’s wartime leader!-also could bypass U.S. theaters in the wake of its abysmal reception on the other side of the Atlantic.
Perhaps Slater‘s unnerving resemblance to Nicholson wears thin on audiences. Jack Nicholson can get away with playing Jack Nicholson. Slater playing Jack Nicholson is a no-no.
Even a little of Slater seems too much. After Hard Rain bombed, he willingly took on supporting roles in such films as The Contender, 3,000 Miles to Graceland, Windtalkers and Masked & Anonymous. All failed. He’s also made the mistake of playing backup to his True Romance co-star Val Kilmer not once, but twice in the last several years. Hard Cash didn’t make any as it debuted on DVD. Mindhunters, originally scheduled for an April 2003 release, won’t be seen until May, if at all.
At least Slater seems to recognize his days as a leading man are in jeopardy. Taking meatier supporting roles will prove more beneficial to his career in the years to come. And going easy on the Nicholsonisms would be warmly welcome.
Christian Slater’s Greatest Hits
Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves…$165.4 million
Interview with the Vampire…$105.2 million
Broken Arrow…$70.7 million
Young Guns II…$44.1 million
Christian Slater’s Greatest Misses
Who Is Cletis Tout?…$252,706
Very Bad Things…$9.8 million
True Romance…$12.2 million
Hard Rain…$19.8 million
Mobsters…$20.2 million
The Bottom Line:
Horror’s hot, so Alone in the Dark should provide Slater and Reid with their biggest audience in years. But that’s not saying much. Gorehounds will likely squeeze into Alone in the Dark during its opening weekend, but a more sophisticated crowd will want to play Hide & Seek with Robert De Niro. Then Alone in the Dark must contend with Boogeyman come Superbowl weekend, when men of all ages are traditionally glued to the game. So Slater and Reid should not expect too many good things to come from being Alone in the Dark.
