Many actors have tried and failed to master the pernickety nuances of the South African accent. Here’s what almost certainly didn’t happen just before three of Hollywood’s finest traveled deep into the heart of “awkness”….
1. Val Kilmer – The Saint
“Val? That you? Wow…you finally picked up…it’s been, like, years, man! Hey, can you turn that screaming sound down just a little? Oh, just the noises in your head, huh? Ok great, well I’ve got this killer role for you. Something of a comeback, is the word on the street.”
“Am I… South African in it, man?”
“No! Well, maybe a little, but don’t worry! They said they’d give you that cool Jim Morrison hair that got you that award…well…that MTV Movie Award nomination… anyway, whaddaya say?
“Will the little Indian in the loincloth be there to guide me?”
“Yes… yes he will.”
2. Leonardo DiCaprio – Blood Diamond
“Hey Leo – great news, so that great script I was telling you about. Well, they want you. No quibble. You’re gonna love it. It’s about blood diam-“.
“It’s not a South African accent, is it?”
“No, don’t worry, just your regular accent mixed with a little Algerian should be fine.”
“Phew.”
3. Matt Damon, Invictus
“Hey Matt. Great news!”
[Mumble mumble… how do you like them apples, etc.]
“So, this part’s just…swell. You’re buddies with President Mandela! You’re just nuts about this sport called rugby…”
“It’s a South African accent, isn’t it?”
“I was going to tell you, but-…”
“I’ll take it. You’re fired.”
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