There were good movies and bad movies and sad movies and scary movies and all sorts of movies in 2012. Movies that made us scream and cry and laugh and yawn. But most of all, 2012 brought us quite possibly the most absurdly-named films to date – enough to warrant an extensive analysis, or something like that. These titles made us scratch our heads and wonder about the round tables where such names were developed. Who are the people who actually approved titles that aren’t just perplexing, but also in most cases totally bananas? Hopefully not working the same job, that’s for sure.
10. What to Expect When You’re Expecting
Not only is this title a mouthful (seriously try to say it three times fast) but it’s just plain easy. It’s like someone was talking casually about their experience with pregnancy and said, “You know, there should be a movie about what what to expect when you’re expecting that tells you what to expect when you’re expecting.” This isn’t a confusing title, no, it’s actually the most obvious and boring title known to woman. Actually, now that I think about it, it’s a shock Katherine Heigl doesn’t have a starring role.
9. Here Comes the Boom On what planet does a “boom” come or go anywhere? When was the last time you used the word “boom” in a sentence? This movie would have made more sense if it was about a broom, honestly. The sports comedy film staring Kevin James should have been funny, but it just wasn’t his finest work (correct me if I’m wrong). I’m not saying it’s 100 percent because of the word “boom” but… I’m not saying it’s not.
8. Death by China Once upon a time, Death by Chocolate was my favorite ice cream flavor. It was so good and filled with bits of chocolate swirled into chocolate ice cream and, in some cases, topped with chocolate sauce and flakes of heaven. This is not Death by China. Have you even heard of the movie? Probably not. That’s because it has nothing to do with chocolate. To be fair, the film does address the economic problem facing America in relation to trade with China, but if you have little interest in that subject then the title isn’t exactly going to sway your decision to the theater.
7. The Babymakers There’s nothing grosser than imagining the actual act of “making a baby.” What does that even mean? Like in an Easy-Bake oven, or something? And even if we are talking about, you know, the act, why say it in that way? I know it’s hard to believe, but some people are really grossed out by babies. And calling a movie a “baby-maker” is quite possibly the easiest way to repulse such people. Cut to the actual plot of the movie, which isn’t about making a baby, but rather about stealing a deposit from a sperm bank. It would probably be more appealing if it were called Sperm Bank Robbers.
6. Fun Size Before you go there, no, this movie is not about dwarves. But see! That’s what happens when you name a movie Fun Size. What was the point of that? Who is going to guess that this movie isn’t about Little People, but rather about a Halloween party that goes awfully awry? No one, that’s who.
5. Darling Companion I can appreciate a cheesy movie title as much as the next sap, but let’s be real with this one. First off, never put “darling” in a title. It’s a weird word and makes you think of literally nothing. It has no feeling. Then you’ve got “companion,” so it’s either about a dog or a person, right? Right. So it’s about a dog and a man and a death and Diane Keaton. All the puzzles to a perfect tearjerker, except there’s no covering up the sad fact that this title is pretty much the most awkward thing ever.
4. War of the Buttons Forget the fact that every time I try to type out this movie, War of the BOTTOMS just happened to come out instead, and let’s focus on the fact that there once was actually a movie about a button war. Like, what?!?!. But this movie isn’t actually about buttons (which in a way, makes it even more wacky). It’s about Nazis and children and the war. So, you figure this one out.
3. Man on a Ledge This isn’t the first time this movie has taken heat for its hilariously demented title. The funniest part is that pretty much the entire movie is about watching a man on a freakin’ ledge. So, it’s not like we’re being lied to or anything. And it wasn’t the worst movie in the world, either. It had some action and twists and hot bodies and drama. There could have been plenty of other ways to describe the flick – ways that likely would have drawn in more people. But alas.
2. A Bag of Hammers Sometimes I like to call annoying people “tool bags.” They’re not quite tools, but the bag that holds the tools. It’s not worse than a tool, but it’s not exactly better, either. This is how I feel about “A Bag of Hammers.” Anyone out there want to watch a movie about some hammers being held in a bag? The movie is actually about best friends who don’t exactly fit in with a “normal” crowd, so they invent their own family, or something. What does it have to do with hammers? Nothing, really. Nothing at all.
1. Bro’ Do I really have to explain?
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