I have yet to see the Nimrod Antal-directed, Robert Rodriguez-produced Predators, but judging from the trailers alone it looks like Alex Litvak and Michael Finch’s script has taken on the more modern spin that the Predator race loves to hunt the absolute best a species has to offer. But I remember a simpler time, a time when audiences didn’t know what these crab-faced aliens were all about. In the first Predator film, he’s simply a hunter who likes to collect, polish and then display the skulls of his kills. And ever since Predator 2 gave us a glimpse of the xenomorph’s banana-shaped skull from Alien mounted aboard the Predator spaceship, fans have wondered who else and what else would be worthy of display in a Predator’s trophy room.
So I started thinking about all of the movie and TV characters who would make unique specimens. Not necessarily for their prowess as formidable prey, but simply because their skulls are so unique that no self-respecting Predator would want to be without one on their mantel.
10. Sloth, The Goonies
Poor Sloth. He didn’t do anything to deserve having his misshapen skull ripped from his body, ruining his awesome Superman t-shirt in the process. But Predators care not for right and wrong (unless candy is involved); all they care are about is what’s going to look good clean and polished and mounted for display. It doesn’t help Sloth’s case that he could put up one hell of a fight. Preferably on a pirate ship, but I bet he could handle himself elsewhere.
9. Harry, Harry and the Hendersons
I think Antal’s Predators looks cool and all, but I wish we were getting a completely different movie this Friday. How about instead of the famous head hunters going after some puny humans they went after Bigfoot? Think about it. They’re both beasts and they both know that stealth is the name of the game, so really the only advantage a Predator would have over Harry is a host of advanced weaponry at his disposal. However, considering there is no evidence to prove that evolution’s worst-kept secret does not also have advanced weaponry at his disposal, they may not be so much of an advantage.
Come on! Predator vs. Bigfoot. It writes itself. (Plus, Kevin Peter Hall played both Predator and Harry while he was alive, so one of his iconic characters attempting to cut another of his iconic character’s head off would be a nice way to honor him.)
8. Wolverine, X-Men Origins: Wolverine
I originally thought about including the T-800 Terminator on this list, but considering he doesn’t have a skull so much as a head casing, I figured Predators would be more interested in Wolverine’s dome. I bet it shines brilliantly when fully picked of tissue, but better yet, Wolverine would actually be a great match for a Predator. That said, unlike the targets above, the clawed mutant could probably take down a Predator, no problem. Unless the latter has “amnesia bullets,” in which case Wolverine is screwed.
7. Alf, ALF
Honestly, I just want to see Alf killed and his furry skin ripped from his stupid, jabbering bones.
6. Worf, Star Trek: First Contact
Not only would the Klingons, with their ridged-forehead skulls, make tantalizing specimens for a Predator to collect, they’d also make worthy combatants thanks to their warrior culture. I don’t think they have a chance of winning, though. They don’t seem to value their own lives too highly, and their swords, though ornately lethal, aren’t as practical as a tri-beam, shoulder-mounted laser rifle.5. The Creatures from Pitch Black
I don’t know what the nocturnal creatures from Pitch Black are called, but I do know that one of their strange, hammerhead-like skulls would look pretty badass as a trophy. So far the Predator really hasn’t had to do battle in the desert, so it’d be interesting to see one out of his element. And if he really wants to make things interesting, he’ll try to take one down without the benefit of his helmets’ alternate vision modes.
4. Pumpkinhead, Pumpkinhead
Thus far the Predator has only gone up against other aliens or not-quite humans, so it’s hard to predict how he’d handle himself against a demon resurrected by witchcraft. Unfortunately, it might be kind of a boring battle, seeing as Pumpkinhead really is just a giant dude with sharp claws. But I’d love to see one Stan Winston creation rip another Stan Winston creation apart.
3. Toruk Makto, Avatar
Because sometimes you just know you have to take it to the next level. And when you reach that point, the only thing left to do is to jump onto the back of Last Shadow and tame the untameable banshee of the skies. This is a fight I imagine a Predator would go weapon-less on, claiming the magnificent flyers’ skull only after bonding with him. I’ll leave the anatomy of how that can happen up to the fanboys.
2. Coneheads, Coneheads
Like Alf, this is just another case of me wanting to see another annoying TV icon brutally murdered for their head parts.
1. Yoda, Star Wars
I wanted to include someone from Star Wars in this list, but I was torn on who exactly to put on the chopping block. I imagine the skull of a Wookie cleans up pretty nicely. And as far as sheer size goes, a Predator could top Toruk Makto with a giant beasty like a rancor, but those two are both kind of dull battles (plus, if Luke can kill a rancor, he won’t be any kind of a challenge for a professional badass). But Yoda has the benefit of being imbued with the Force, which could render all of the Predator’s projectile weaponry useless. If Yoda breaks out a lightsaber, then he also won’t be able to do much with his laser rifle. It would be a unique fight for a unique skull, to be sure. Plus, should the Predator come out on top and sever the squat little guy in two, then he can also partake in a healthy drink of Yoda’s blood, sucking down those stupid but delicious midi-chlorians.
