At the end of each year, the collective quality of the year’s movies usually seems to even out. But just the same, there are always the outliers, the extremes, the very best and the very worst, and that’s where the fun comes in! Hollywood.com’s movie critics review the year that was, and wasn’t, on the big screen with their picks of ‘06—top to bottom.
Brian’s Top Five
1. Little Miss Sunshine
Even though it was released in the middle of the summer, Sunshine remains fresh on the brain—and fresher than any movie to hit theaters this year. We see family-road-trip comedies left and right (R.V. crawls to mind) and a heap of dysfunctional-family dramedies (ditto Running with Scissors), but we don’t see a whole lot of dysfunctional-family-road-trip-dramedies simply because they’re harder to execute and sell. Well Sunshine didn’t just happen upon the rare lightning in a bottle; its tremendous and ego-less talent, both onscreen and off-, meshed perfectly to whip up a feel-good masterpiece. In an ideal world the film’s writer, directors (yes, plural—husband and wife, remember?) and six main actors would somehow win Oscars. But if the film earns even one nomination, as is rumored to happen, it will speak volumes about the progression of the Academy.
2. Borat
Just because we named Borat Sagdiyev our Entertainer of the Year and he has been the talk of the universe for months now, it doesn’t give us the right to neglect his movie-film—we are compelled! In fact, any year-end “top” list would not be complete without Borat. Adore it or abhor it, the mockumentary is—as has now been said to death—unlike anything we’ve ever seen. For the great majority of us who are proponents, the mixture of sobering satire and, literally, balls-out comedy is as amazing as it is purely entertaining. And in some perverse way, Sacha Baron Cohen’s performance is truly one of the best maybe ever! Before dismissing the notion, just think about what the performance entailed—and also how it is beginning to rack up early critical awards, which sometimes serve as the de facto Oscar gatekeepers.
3. The Departed
There are comebacks and then there are whatever you choose to call Martin Scorsese’s The Departed. He didn’t exactly have anything to come back from, but the film was so vastly superior to his—and 99 percent of his peers’—recent efforts that it actually transcends the proverbial comeback. Labels aside, The Departed was relentless, filthy R-rated fun at its best and an unprecedented talent show for megastars Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Jack Nicholson and Mark Wahlberg, et al. Who better than Scorsese to govern a film set with four stars used to making in the range of $20 million for a movie? And who better than Scorsese to immensely please his audience and his financial backers? But it really all boils down to this: When was the last time you wanted to see a two-and-a-half-hour movie, in theaters, more than once (not including Titanic, ladies)? Maybe…Goodfellas?
4. The King
It’s not your fault for never having seen The King—or having heard of it, for that matter. It was the kind of movie that—without getting too incendiary here!—might not really have a place in the current theo-political American climate. With the possibility of being perceived as a rather candid condemnation of Christianity altogether, The King didn’t exactly wedge seamlessly between the summer-sequel extravaganza taking place at the neighborhood multiplex. As such—and no thanks as well to its highly controversial stance, at least contemporarily, on religion—it was more or less banished unless you live in, say, the Angelika! But there’s no excuse now that it’s out on DVD not to see for yourself that the movie’s profound message is extremely malleable and that it’s, in fact, not a Church cheap-shot but rather a gothic-style commentary of today; in other words, now’s the time to at least draw your own conclusion from the amazing ending that will leave you speechless until you meet someone else on the Internet who’s actually seen it! One thing not up for debate is the stellar acting from the entire cast (including Gael Garcia Bernal and William Hurt).
5. Babel
Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu’s filmmaking, especially in Babel, can tend to use a little more consolidation and a little less complication. And sure, his trademark jumbling of multiple story lines is a bit of a gimmick and an exploitation of the audience. But in Babel, it’s important not to forget that it’s (for the most part) a necessary evil to arrive upon a most uplifting and touching ending. Ultimately, you take the mostly good with the rarely bad: With the movie boasting several scenes in Inarritu’s latest (written by his cinematic soul mate Guillermo Arriaga) being truly unforgettable and arguably the best performance of the year—yeah, you heard it right!—by newcomer Rinko Kikuchi, it’s simply wrong to nitpick, especially given the sum of all the movie’s parts.
Honorable Mentions: Half Nelson, Happy Feet, Hostel, The Science of Sleep, Slither
Brian’s Bottom Five
1. The Quiet
Here’s the difference between The Quiet and almost all of the other “bottom” movies: It’s a drama! The defense for the rest of the year’s worst is that they were comedies; it doesn’t make them better, but it’s a legitimate shield of sorts. Well not only is The Quiet a drama, it’s a melodrama, drama’s most self-serious sub-genre. Prolific TV director Jamie Babbit should’ve probably stuck to her medium because her film looked like a wannabe TV movie. Which that’s about the nicest thing to be said about this one. The acting, from Elisha Cuthbert, Camilla Belle, Martin Donovan and Edie Falco—all of whom are at least solid actors in their own right—is some of the worst ever committed to celluloid, especially Donovan’s, which looked like it was performed onstage and later digitally added into the movie. The movie marks one of those rare times when you can fully sense the air of discontentment wafting throughout the entire production and sparing no one, from the writer to the actors to the director to that woeful excuse for bleak-style cinematography to the soundtrack (even Cat Power sounds emptier than usual!). In addition, it’s one of those rare instances when a movie shouldn’t even be released on DVD—for the good of the people!
2. National Lampoon’s Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj
Now here’s an example of the comedy shield just doesn’t even apply! You wouldn’t exactly think the first Van Wilder was a hard act to follow, so long as Ryan Reynolds signed on and there was a healthy dosage of frat hodgepodge. But Reynolds passed. So, apparently, did any and all writers and directors with a shred of integrity (and/or talent). Kal Penn’s talents, which stretch well beyond the realm of the cheap laughs that can’t even be found in Taj, were grossly wasted here, as were the dime-a-dozen beautiful girls trying to break into Hollywood by strip-teasing onscreen; even they could’ve done better. However, what really bumps this comedy to the top of the bottom is its complete and utter incoherence that never lets up. The jokes, the bare minimum such a movie is meant to impart—that is, aside from the obligatory hot-chick nudity—quite simply do not work. Ever!
3. Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector
One can only hope that this Larry the Cable Guy guy has more to offer than his Health Inspector shtick would imply. If not—and this is from someone who’s never had the good fortune of seeing him perform on stage—then apparently he’s won over the massive legions of fans that worship him by…moving his bowels? Yup, that’s pretty much the gist of Health Inspector, a movie that’s not only unfunny and disgusting even in ways not intended, but one that doesn’t exactly speak highly of his gazillions of fans across the (red) States. And you just know things are bad when Lisa Lampinelli is a movie’s biggest asset. But then on the bright side, Health Inspector does make a case for actresses’ bowel movements to be included in future movies, a major moral victory for women everywhere. So not all is lost.
4. Material Girls
You know better than to expect quality in any of its infinite forms in a movie featuring the Duff sisters, but you take the plunge and chaperone your naïve 13-year-old daughter and her friends in the throes of ‘tween-olescence. In other words, you take a $10 nap with the knowledge that your daughter and co. will denounce all things Duff in about a year. But at last, this Duff production is not even fit for a ‘tweener! It’s a little creepy, in fact, because not only does it feature the sisters—as mini-mogul socialites—essentially satirizing themselves, but the Wayans brothers’ White Chicks seems like a spoof of Material Girls, and if that’s the case how did the Wayanses manage to spoof a movie before it even came out?! Aside from that, it’s frightening how many established, talented actors—talkin’ to you, Anjelica Huston, Lukas Haas and Maria Conchita Alonso—clearly don’t care about a script when the potential for a nice payday exists. So come to think of it in the aforementioned scary terms, the movie could fall under the horror genre, too!
5. Date Movie
Remember the movie’s tagline, “From two of the six writers of Scary Movie”? Well, (a) it’s never good when the tagline is funnier than the comedy movie it’s promoting, (b) it’s no wonder the other four writers passed on this movie, and (c) producers could’ve saved a bundle by hiring just one writer—no prior experience necessary whatsoever! Date Movie was too disastrous to dissect, but these two writers, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, could’ve at least aimed high—like, say, spoofing “date movies” instead of contemporary pop-culture phenomena like Napoleon Dynamite—and then when it all went to crap at least it wouldn’t have been so abysmal. (Although, “abysmal” is the new “box-office gold”!) Date Movie’s worst of countless atrocities, though, was the fact that there’s not really a shred of continuity amidst its rip-offs, an achievement the Scary Movies always manage to pull off.
Honorable Mentions: Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction, Big Momma’s House 2, Little Man, R.V., Turistas
Kit’s Top Five
1. The Queen
A film about how Queen Elizabeth II handled Princess Diana’s death indeed sounds like a biopic more suited for A&E. Usually, you steer clear of these type films for fear of their TV sensibilities (see: Pursuit of Happyness). But in the hands of the skillful director Stephen Frears, writer Peter Morgan–and fueled by an unbelievable performance from Helen Mirren—The Queen turns out to be an absolute diamond in the rough. While it shows how Diana’s death effected people in ways no one could have imagine, the film is mostly a delicate dance between the newly elected Prime Minister Tony Blair (Michael Sheen) and set-in-her-ways Queen Elizabeth (Mirren), as he tries to convince her to come out and address the inconsolable masses, despite her staunch determination to grieve in private. Its an incredibly fascinating character study on two of contemporary history’s more influential people, and its deeply personal and humanistic virtues can only be marveled.
2. Notes on a Scandal
It could be that veddy British intimate character dramas are all the rage this year. Notes is another fine example of how something could look low-key and TV-like on the surface but be so much more. It’s about a high school teacher, Barbara Covett (Judi Dench), who becomes attached to the new art teacher, Sheba Hart (Cate Blanchett). But when Barbara discovers Sheba is having an illicit affair with one of her students, she swears to keep Sheba’s secret—for a certain price. Simple, yes, but it’s the way screenwriter Patrick Marber (Closer) pivots and weaves the story around these two women that makes it a truly brilliant piece, only intensified more by Phillip Glass’ haunting score. And how can you go wrong with Blanchett and Dench as your two leading ladies, in Oscar-caliber performances? Dame Judi is especially affecting as the unintentionally malicious central figure.
3. Children of Men
Alfonso Cuaron is quickly becoming one of my favorite directors. There really isn’t any genre the writer/director can’t master. He has done kiddie flicks (A Little Princess), sexy coming-of-age dramas (Y Tu Mama Tambien)—and even a splashy Harry Potter installment (Prisoner of Azkaban, probably the best one so far). And now he’s trying his hand at a futuristic thriller with great effect. Children of Men is a rather bleak look at an unraveling world in the near future where women can’t have babies and civil unrest is rampant. But after 18 years of sterility, one young woman is found pregnant, and Clive Owen is set to protect her, at any cost. It’s a non-stop, edge-of-your-seat thrill ride, with deep, powerful messages that should resonate within today’s state of affairs. And Cuaron’s exquisite storytelling skills only makes it that much better.
4. United 93
Of course, United 93 is not a movie you’d necessarily want to see again but definitely stands out as one of the year’s best. You’ve got to admire writer/director Paul Greengrass for having the guts to stick by his creative choices and craft a docu-drama depicting those horrible moments on Sept. 11, 2001 so genuinely–and so vividly. Using a cast of little known character actors on the doomed flight, mixed with real air-traffic controllers and people who made decisions on that fateful day, makes for a harrowing experience. But putting aside the horrific reality of what the film represents, United 93 is a well-made film of heroic and tragic proportions that deeply affects you. And isn’t that what a good movie is supposed to do?
5. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
Although this could end up on a few “worst of” lists, I admit Dead Man’s Chest is a guilty pleasure–and I’m not alone in my assessment. I mean, it did make $423 million domestically after all, the highest grossing movie of the year. Maybe it’s because the sequel has this bigger-and-better mentality—bigger sets, more elaborate fight sequences, unbelievable costumes and make-up—and an even more intriguing story about the inky Davy Jones, his dreaded locker, a beating heart and, of course, the sea monster Kraken. Plus, all the returning characters have settled into their roles. The novelty of Johnny Depp’s rather unique pirate interpretation has perhaps worn a little thin since the first Pirates of the Caribbean, but it’s still quite a performance. And boy do they ever set it up good for the third installment!
Honorable Mentions: Dreamgirls, Babel, The Departed, The Illusionist, Thank You for Smoking, Casino Royale
Kit’s Bottom Five 1. Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties
With the myriad of kid films this year—some clever, some not–we have a Garfield sequel, which is pretty much in a category of its own: the worst movie of the year. Honestly, in this highly competitive field, you’ve got to keep on your toes. Kids have much more discerning tastes than this muck. It’s still puzzling why the FIRST Garfield grossed $75 million domestically because it was so mind-numbingly ridiculous, despite the classic comic strip’s wit. But all the studio execs saw were dollar signs, so of course it stands to reason they’d make a sequel. We hoped maybe they would have realized their mistakes with the first and come up with something better. No such luck. Let’s just take the fat cat to the vet and put him down, shall we?
2. Deck the Halls
Maybe I’m just really tired of all these supposed “holiday” movies that highlight all the season’s worst attributes–competitiveness, commerciality, crankiness—and try to pass if off as comedy. We’ve had Surviving Christmas, Christmas with the Kranks–and now this. Stars Matthew Broderick and Danny DeVito grate as two neighbors trying to outdo each other in the Christmas spirit category, while their cutesy families stand by, roll their eyes at all the antics and hang their heads in shame (much like the rest of us). Maybe these movies are just a reflection of the jaded world we now live in, and there really isn’t a way to make a modern-day feel-good Christmas movie that doesn’t insult us. That’s a sad thought.
3. Trust the Man
Of course it’s hard to maintain a healthy relationship, but for two New York couples (David Duchovny and Julianne Moore, Billy Crudup and Maggie Gyllenhaal), it’s downright painful–for us to watch, I mean. It’s apparent Man is trying to emulate the classic Woody Allen film of yesteryear, but in no way does it even come close. In describing the whole New York/angst-ridden/relationship-crushing milieu, writer/director Bart Freundlich makes everything almost too insular. The film could have just as easily been plopped on an off-off Broadway stage, where the actors could receive their just applause from their fellow Manhattanites after a particularly talky scene about how the couple in question don’t have sex anymore.
4. The Grudge 2
You go into this sequel with high hopes. The first Grudge really was a creepy ghost story about a cursed Japanese bungalow that harbors a long-haired, multi-jointed dead Asian woman with a rather significant chip on her shoulder and her freaky, white-faced meowing dead son. But the grim Grudge 2 just goes to the excess–scare tactics for scare tactics’ sake, with little of the original’s dark and terrible mystery. It unfortunately suffers the same fate as The Ring Two: The element of surprise is gone, and the filmmakers haven’t invented anything more compelling to replace it. What’s left then is just the curse itself–and all the guttural sounds, black-rimmed eyes and popping up out of nowhere gets old pretty darn quick, especially when there is hardly anyone left to root for.
5. All the King’s Men
It’s really too bad this remake is as dreadfully dull and uninspiring as it is, given its pedigree–Sean Penn, Jude Law, Kate Winslet, Anthony Hopkins, Patricia Clarkson. Sounds like an Oscar contender, right? Wrong. That already happened in 1949, the year the original King’s Men, which is loosely based on the life of based on the real-life legendary 1930s Louisiana governor Huey P. Long, took home the top prize, along with one for Best Actor Broderick Crawford and Best Supporting Actress Mercedes McCambridge. I wonder if anyone at any time ask the question, “Why are we doing this movie again when it was already done so well?” If so, no one listened. Instead, they went right ahead and made a giant snore-fest, ruining whatever mystique the original held on audiences. Sometimes, they just don’t get it.
Honorable Mentions: Basic Instinct 2, Annapolis, Barnyard: The Original Party Animals, The Return, The Omen
