Add a dash of demanding boss, a helping of boyfriend-related heartache and a full cup of family frazzle, and you’ve got all the ingredients for a stressed-out winter season. But hey, you’re not alone! Being overwhelmed during the supposedly happy holidays happens to the best of us–just like J.J., the heroine of the Lifetime Original Movie Recipe for a Perfect Christmas, airing Monday, Dec. 5 at 9 p.m. EST/PST.
“Even though the holidays come around every year, people get blindsided,” says Kathleen Hall, Ph.D., author of Alter Your Life. “You need to learn how to manage your priorities; it’s a matter of being able say yes or no.” You’re bound to face a few holiday horrors this year, but this guide will help you face everything (except getting another crappy fruitcake).
Disaster # 1: Family Feuding
Does the thought of having to play 20 Questions with Aunt Betty (“So, how come you’re not married yet?”) make you want to go into hibernation in November and not wake up until January? That’s, um, not a good sign. The secret to squashing family squabbles, says Herb Rappaport, author of The Family Gathering Survival Guide, is to go straight to the troublemaker; yep, you read that right; in advance and enlist their help in dealing with difficult “people.” But what if your relatives typically come to you before you can get to them (i.e., they tend to arrive on your doorstep unannounced)? Get proactive, says Hall. “People who have a plan have less stress,” she says. Your strategy is to clearly let your family know exactly which weekends are off-limits.
Disaster # 2: Zero Cash Flow
Despite your best intentions to save up in order to spread holiday cheer, high gas bills ate into your budget. Your friends are probably in the same situation; and let’s not forget all the folks who are still coping with this year’s natural disasters. When there’s not much dough for presents, it’s time to let everyone off the hook by getting creative. Make Betty Crocker brownies or homemade spaghetti sauce to give as gifts, says Hall. Or use your favorite photos to design a personal calendar; a trip to Kinko’s can take care of your entire list for as little as $4.99 per item. Another idea: Have a “gift-away” party, suggests Nava Atlas, author of Everyday Traditions: Simple Family Rituals for Connection and Comfort. Get together with the girls to sort through one another’s closets and clean old clothes and shoes to take them to a women’s shelter. There’s no better gift than the feeling you get helping others.
Disaster # 3: More Work Than Play
You just got your dream assignment and simultaneously found out that you’re hosting the big feast for all the relatives. (We can feel your tension from here.) You can get everything done; but you’ll have to manage your time carefully, and delegating wouldn’t hurt. Your man can help with the mashed potatoes, your kids with the cleaning; otherwise you’re in danger of ending up overloaded. “When too much adrenaline hits the brain, it’s called ‘flooding,'” says Andra Medea, author of Conflict Unraveled: Fixing Problems at Work and in Families. “You’re so stressed that when your supervisor is giving you directions, you have no idea what she’s saying. You’re not an idiot; it’s just biochemistry.” But there is a quick fix: Move! Walking down the hall or up a flight of stairs at work or home is a simple exercise that will calm you down, Medea says. Any large muscle action releases a new set of chemicals to help you get emotionally centered. In a meeting? Push your elbows down onto your chair arms, and you’ll get the same effect.
Disaster # 4: Confusion in Couplesville
The pressure to be coupled up during the holidays can be intense; which can lead to pretending that your new guy is Mr. Right when he’s really just Mr. Date-to-the-Office-Party. If you’re not in a relationship, you may have trouble believing you’re good enough just the way you are, says Gail Harris, author of Your Heart Knows the Answer: How to Trust Yourself and Make the Choices That Are Right for You. Avoid giving in to expectations about where a new romance will lead, pressuring him for some sort of commitment or going overboard with lavish gifts just because it’s the holidays. “You’ve got to know the difference between your heart’s desire and outside influences,” Harris says. “Accept where you two are at and just say to yourself, ‘If this relationship is meant to work out, it will.'”
Disaster # 5 Can’t Cut It in the Kitchen
Want to wow your friends and family with a delish dish at this year’s holiday party but have no time? Atlas suggests this simple veggie bake. Buy a prepackaged bag of mixed veggies, toss them with enough olive oil to coat, and bake for 20 minutes at 375 degrees. The best tip when it comes to holiday cooking is keeping things basic, she says: “Don’t make a recipe that has 30 ingredients and relies on precision. Choose something simple that uses fresh, seasonal ingredients, and it will taste wonderful.”
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