Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
Genre: Action, Adventure, Period, Sequel
Release Date: July 7
Scoop: Captain Jack Sparrow is caught up in another tangled web of supernatural intrigue. Although the curse of the Black Pearl has been lifted, an even more terrifying threat looms over its captain and scurvy crew.
If a Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Bring it on Johnny! Between costume and make-up alone, you’ve landed, perhaps, the most franchisable look of the decade! And it certainly doesn’t hurt that you’re one of the world’s most beloved actors. Ahoy! Orlando and Keira, glad you’ve set sail again.
Snapshot Prediction: 4 out of 5 flashes
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A Scanner Darkly
Genre: Adaptation, Animated, Sci-Fi
Release Date: July 7
Scoop: In a futuristic world, where America’s aggressive, futile war on drugs has become synonymous with its war on terror, a reluctant undercover cop Bob Arctor follows orders to start spying on his friends and descends into his own paranoid journey.
If a Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: See, Keanu Reeves can really channel disheveled distress, for all you non-believers. Plus Robert Downey Jr., Woody Harrelson and the return of Winona Ryder–all of whom are painted-up by Rich Linklater in a Philip K. Dick-inspired way. How can one resist?
Snapshot Prediction: 4 out of 5 flashes
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Little Man
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Family
Release Date: July 14
Scoop: A recently paroled tough-as-nails–though not-quite-three-foot-tall–jewel thief Calvin Sims and his partner Percy P. decide to pull off one last big heist. But when the job goes bad, Calvin is forced to drop the jewel into a the purse of a suburban woman, who unwittingly, along with her husband, in their perfect home, soon become pawns in a high-stakes crime.
If a Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Sometimes special effects can be your enemy. Why oh why did they have to super-impose a Wayan face on to the mug of diminutive actor? Maybe a quick flash in a music video or a short film could support the sight gag, but a feature-length film?
Snapshot Prediction: 1.5 out of 5 flashes
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Genre: Black Comedy, Drama, Satire
Release Date: July 14
Scoop: A worldly and rebellious 18-year-old L.A. girl named Mini seduces her stepfather and schemes to get her pesky mother out of the picture.
If a Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: There just may be a 50/50 split between the sexes when it comes to who ‘buys’ the plot…Alec Baldwin, consider yourself lucky, once again, not to be a mature Hollywood actress.
Snapshot Prediction: 2.5 out of 5 flashes
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Genre: Comedy
Release Date: July 14
Scoop: A couple has found the one unfortunate hitch in their perfectly constructed newly wedded world: Dupree–a slacker friend with a heart of gold, and the best of intentions, who begins to wreak havoc in their marriage.
If a Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Déjà vu: somehow, with Owen Wilson as master of ceremonies, feels like been there, done that.
Snapshot Prediction: 2 out of 5 flashes
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Genre: Comedy, Sequel
Release Date: July 21
Scoop: The continuing tale of Dante and Randal, two slackers who find that life must change now that they are in their thirties, when it’s time to grow up and do something more than just sit around, dissect pop culture and talk about sex.
If a Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Now that the indie, ground-breaking geeks and their fans have both grown-up a bit, we still somehow bet, glossy big budget aside, the Silent Bob and Jay cultists will be back for more.
Snapshot Prediction: 3 out of 5 flashes
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Genre: Fantasy, Thriller
Release Date: July 21
Scoop: Cleveland, a modest building manager with a dark past, rescues a mysterious young woman from danger and discovers she is actually a narf–a character from a bedtime story who is trying to make the treacherous journey from our world back to hers. Soon Cleveland realizes he too–along with the building’s tenants–is part of the bedtime story.
If a Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: M. Night Shyamalan, no matter how hyped, never fails to intrigue–let alone create a magnificent universe of sorts. And his works, no matter how dysfunctionally puzzling, never fail to echo–let alone haunt. With the unflinching Paul Giamatti as his male muse–and the ethereally-enhanced Bryce Dallas Howard–we’re even more intrigued.
Snapshot Prediction: 4 out of 5 flashes
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Monster House
Genre: Animated, Children, Drama
Release Date: July 21
Scoop: Although no adults will believe them, three children realize a neighbor’s house is really a monster. They must find a way to stop the house and save the endangered neighborhood.
If a Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Yes, you should avoid Trick or Treating in July, but nonetheless DO ENTER!
Snapshot Prediction: 3.5 out of 5 flashes
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Genre: Documentary, Dance, Music, Urban
Release Date: July 21
Scoop: A chronicle that follows the most unlikely troupe of tap dancers you’re likely to meet, the Silver Belles, five former showgirls who danced at the Apollo and other legendary Harlem venues in the 1930s-40s.
If a Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Hip, octogenarian former Apollo Theater chorus gals still hoofing-it-out the dance floor with their hoppin’, stellar moves…Run, don’t walk, to catch this inspiring piece of entertainment history come to life!
Snapshot Prediction: 4 out of 5 flashes
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Genre: Action, Comedy, Romantic Comedy
Release Date: July 21
Scoop: Matt Saunders thinks he’s finally found the perfect girlfriend, the beautiful Jenny–who just so happens to be a superhero, G-Girl. However, when the nuerotic Jenny/G-Girl becomes overly possessive, Matt wants to call it quits–but how do you break up with a superhero when she’s more than apt to rip you a new one at the mere thought?
If a Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Unfortunate title, bad trailer, tired poster–but, after a sneak preview, we know it’s a surprisingly FUN guilty pleasure!
Snapshot Prediction: 3 out of 5 flashes
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Genre: Noir, Thriller
Release Date: July 21
Scoop: A thriller that uncovers the complex lives of trained assassins, Mikey and Rose, who share a special bond and form a familial bond with one of their intended hits.
If a Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: A glamorous, black leather one piece on an unsuspecting body with a silencer to boot–now that spells noir! Helen Mirren and Cuba Gooding Jr. as amorous assassins, with Mo’Nique in the mix–let’s give this one a shot, at least for alternative casting.
Snapshot Prediction: 3 out of 5 flashes
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Little Miss Sunshine
Genre: Comedy
Release Date: July 28
Scoop: A family treks from Albuquerque to the Little Miss Sunshine pageant in California, to fulfill the deepest wish of 7-year-old Olive, an ordinary little girl with big dreams.
If a Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Yes, it’s about time for a righteous, satirical, complicated look at the inevitably edgy, child pageant industry–and we’re sure that the likes of Toni Collette, Greg Kinnear and Steve Carrel would only sign-up for just script with just that. Can’t wait to spend time at this family’s house.
Snapshot Prediction: 4 out of 5 flashes
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Genre: Animated, Family, Nature
Release Date: July 28
Scoop: After a bitter and friendless 10-year-old boy, who’s being picked on by a bully, exacts his frustrations by flooding an ant colony with his watergun, he’s magically shrunken down to insect size and sentenced to hard labor in their ruins.
If a Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Okay, we’ve already entered an animated world with ants a few years back, but shady, retaliatory insect, anti-human, banter should make the return voyage worth the while.
Snapshot Prediction: 3.5 out of 5 flashes
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Genre: Comedy, Teen
Release Date: July 28
Scoop: When three popular girls from different cliques discover they’ve all been dating the school stud, they band together to seek revenge.
If a Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: “Death” by what looks like an IM plot schemed by a few glossy girls–guess it may be a giggle for the teen set?
Snapshot Prediction: 2 out of 5 flashes
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Genre: Action, Adaptation, Crime, Drama
Release Date: July 28
Scoop: Based on the ’80s hit TV series, urbane Ricardo Tubbs and charismatic Sonny Crockett, while working undercover, get entangled in a case of an arms and drugs trafficker to the edge where identity and fabrication become blurred, where cop and player become one.
If a Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Some have already accused this updated gritty film of having a glossy feel–but please DO NOT forget, for those of you around back then, the sheer pleasure of diving into the exhilarating pool of art deco-slick, head-first, and coming up for air, with Phil Collins in surround sound; there you’d open your eyes only to see lush palm trees, skimpy designer fashions and hot crime studs all at their peak of South Beach urban chic. We can’t wait for the new interpretation of Crockett and Tubbs, with Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell hitting the Miami freeways at dawn.
Snapshot Prediction: 4 out of 5 flashes
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Genre: Black Comedy, Crime, Mystery
Release Date: July 28
Scoop: By way of a deceased reporter, a naive but ambitious American journalism student, Sondra, who’s visiting London investigates a series of murders and falls in love with a dashing Englishman.
If a Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: We’re hoping that this is a return to form, and that Woody didn’t just pull this together to get close to Scarlett with another star vehicle. Being a reporter, her purposeful Allen-esque glasses in this shot make us nervous. We want it to work, though. Well, it will be hard to surpass the brilliant mark left by last year’s Match Point. But hey, let’s see, fresh new movie, fresh new start.
Snapshot Prediction: 3 out of 5 flashes
