We rank the good, the bad and the really ugly: Jessica Simpson, Seann William Scott, James Franco, Kiefer Sutherland — even George Lucas – star in the latest batch of direct-to-DVD releases
10. Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous
Cast: Jessica Simpson, Vivica A. Fox, Steve Guttenberg
The Verdict: First Simpson passed herself off as a Working Girl with Blonde Ambition. Now she’s stripping Private Benjamin of her stripes. The “Jessica Jinx” obviously doesn’t just apply to boyfriend Tony Romo’s Dallas Cowboys, as Simpson’s ripping-off of two classic comedies about female empowerment have been greeted with less fanfare than her decision to go country. As with Goldie Hawn in Benjamin, Simpson’s spoiled movie star learns a life-changing lesson in independence when she rashly joins the U.S. Army. Director Jessica’s no Goldie … . but at least she fills out her uniform better.
DVD Features: Deleted Scenes; The Making of Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous.
Stars: 1 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 9 …
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9. Shred
Cast: Tom Green, Dave England, Jason ‘Renee Renee’ Bothe
The Verdict: Whatever was said about Freddy Got Fingered, Green did give it his all to offend everyone with his tale of arrested development gone awry. That unbridled energy is sorely missed here. As a corporate weasel trying to stop washed-up snowboarders England and Bothe from opening their own school, he looks as tired and annoyed as his parents did during the midnight pranks he’d pull on them on MTV. Aside from the opening credits, which hilariously details the snowboarders’ rise and fall, Shred wipes out the moment it hits the slopes. Oh for the days when Green would have happily dropped trou to make snowballs with his bum.
DVD Features: Shred Behind the Scenes feature.
Stars: 1 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 8 …
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8. Ghost Writer
Cast: Alan Cumming, David Boreanaz, Anne Heche, Carrie Fisher, Henry Thomas
The Verdict: Like The Anniversary Party, Cumming’s second directorial effort — but his first alone behind the cameras — finds him portraying another self-absorbed novelist suffering for his art. For all its smugness, The Anniversary Party at least offered a coherent, telling look at life at the top of the Hollywood food chain. This is a portentous, rambling mess but rips off Misery without compunction. And Cumming literally goes all Loony Tunes as the aspiring author obsessed with a silver-tongued hack (a bemused Boreanaz).
DVD Features: Commentary with director/actor Alan Cumming.
Stars: 1 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 7 …
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7. River Queen
Cast: Samantha Morton, Kiefer Sutherland, Cliff Curtis, Stephen Rea
The Verdict: After fleeing Alien 3 in frustration and watching What Dreams May Come disintegrate, director Vincent Ward returns to his native New Zealand to put his Hollywood experiences behind him. Sadly, this visually stunning historical epic is another disappointment from Ward, who has yet to live up to the potential of his iconic 1988 time-travel think piece The Navigators. River Queen chronicles in plodding, meandering and uninvolving fashion a bloody conflict between a Maori tribe and ruthless English settlers. Morton’s oddly aloof as the white woman torn between her own people and her half-Maori son. Her trials and tribulations, though, never prove to be as compelling as those experienced by Curtis during his transformation from English collaborator to proud Maori warrior.
DVD Features: None.
Stars: 2 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 6 …
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6. Amusement
Cast: Keir O’Donnell, Katheryn Winnick, Laura Breckenridge, Jessica Lucas, Tad Hilgenbrink
The Verdict: Surely there’s a better moniker for a prank-playing psychopath than the Laugh? Yes, Paul Blart: Mall Cop baddie O’Donnell possesses a very distinct crackle. Unfortunately, like his name and laugh, O’Donnell’s victimizing of three stereotypical damsels in distress (Winnick, Breckinridge and Cloverfield’s Lucas) won’t send many chills down your spine. It comes as a terrible letdown when the girls’ connection to O’Donnell is revealed – and the tormenting of Winnick is damn creepy, especially if you hate clowns.
DVD Features: None.
Stars: 2 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 5 …
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5. Wild Country
Cast: Samantha Shields, Martin Compston and Peter Capaldi
The Verdict: Shouldn’t everyone who goes camping carry a gun loaded with silver bullets? Yes, this Scottish chiller finds yet another bunch of unhappy campers stalked by a ravenous werewolf. There’s nothing original here — you’ve met these horny teens a thousand times, and you know what methods they’ll employ to survive the night. And the absurd twist ending seems tacked on to advance a sequel. But the gritty Shields makes for a sympathetic if unlikely heroine. Director Craig Strachan does a terrific job of ratcheting up the tension when the stakes get higher, and he makes his tight budget go far, as evidenced by a captivating behind-the-scenes look at how his crew pulled off one of the film’s goriest moments.
DVD Features: The Making of Wild Country feature.
Stars: 3 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 4 …
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Cast: James Franco, Adam Bell
The Verdict: So this is what would happen if Franco’s Pineapple Express dope dealer stopped smoking and got a real job. Franco’s latest directorial effort offers some pointed observations about the monotony of a Dilbert-like existence. By comparing and contrasting reformed bad boy Max to his straitlaced doctor brother (Bell), he also examines how work-related pressures can drive even the most dedicated employee to engage in unethical behavior in order to get ahead. And he admirably avoids repeating his happy-go-lucky Pineapple performance by knowingly portraying Max as a corruptive influence going nowhere fast. As Good Time Max affirms, sometimes you need to hit rock bottom in order to clean up your act.
DVD Features: None.
Stars: 3 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 3 …
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3. The Deal
Cast: William H. Macy, Meg Ryan, LL Cool J, Elliott Gould, Jason Ritter
The Verdict: Bobby Mason isn’t as outrageous a Hollywood caricature as Tropic Thunder’s Kirk Lazarus. Indeed, the African-American action hero and Jewish convert is downright endearing thanks to LL Cool L’s unfettered enthusiasm. But casting Mason as British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli? To a producer (Macy) desperate for a hit, Mason’s money in the bank. And this miscasting results in all the frenetic fun this hit-and-miss moviemaking spoof offers. If Macy has a blast ridiculing his profession, Ryan seizes the opportunity to prove through her harried studio executive that she hasn’t lost her light comic touch. Though not as delightfully wicked as Tropic Thunder, The Deal still packs enough satirical punch to even make foreign tax breaks a source of amusement.
DVD Features: Making the Deal feature; Interviews with William H. Macy, Meg Ryan, LL Cool J and more; Digital Copy.
Stars: 3 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 2…
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2. Balls Out: Gary the Tennis Coach
Cast: Seann William Scott, Randy Quaid, Leonor Varela
The Verdict: You cannot be serious. Scott reunites with Dude, Where’s My Car director Danny Leiner, and the result’s a surprising grand slam. Scott’s failed tennis pro is straight out of a Will Ferrell sports farce, though Balls Out feels more like Nacho Libre with its decidedly idiosyncratic tone. There are gross-out moments galore, but all eyes remain fixed on the up-for-anything Scott. He’s so scarily committed to his role — a peculiar but personable loser now reduced to coaching a lousy high school tennis team — that you truly get caught up in his energy, enthusiasm and eccentricities. With The Promotion, Role Models and Balls Out, Scott’s finally showing us what he’s capable of after years of coasting on American Pie’s success.
DVD Features: Tennis Anyone?: The Making of Balls Out; Deleted Scenes; Outtakes.
Stars: 4 out of 5
KEEP READING: See No. 1 …
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Interviewees: John Lasseter, Steve Jobs, Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, George Lucas
The Verdict: Pixar almost didn’t have a friend in Woody. The most revealing anecdotes in Leslie Iwerks’ terrific celebration of all things Pixar — a film festival favorite now bundled with WALL-E/Toy Story “edgy,” per Pixar founding member and current Mouse House CCO John Lasseter. Had Pixar not reworked its inaugural full-length feature for family audiences, and made a smart-alecky Woody more affable, it’s likely computer animation wouldn’t have become the way of the future so quickly. The irony isn’t lost on Lasseter that Pixar’s rapid success practically killed hand-drawn animation at Disney. But Lasseter makes clear in this spirited documentary that he intends to revive the art form that put Disney on the map. If Lasseter can take Pixar to infinity and beyond, then surely he can also recapture Disney’s past glories.
Stars: 5 out of 5
LAST MONTH’S DIRECT-TO-DVD: Sequels, sequels, sequels!
