Welcome to Hollywood’s Highs and Lows, where we put the hype back in hyperbole
Today’s Highs
New True Blood Trailer Sucks (your blood, that is)
HBO released a new trailer for the upcoming season of True Blood today, reassuring any fans that the series will continue to deliver its promised dose of sex, violence, and man-candy. It’s even upped the game in that last category, adding Joe Manganiello as flannel-wearing werewolf Alcide and James Frain as British vamp Franklin Mott.
The only thing the season seems to be light on, from this trailer at least, is Bill yelling “Suuuckehhh” in that ridiculous way that he does. The show also appears to be making a valiant effort to soldier on despite crippling budget cuts that leave the wardrobe crew unable to clothe half the cast, leaving most characters shirtless at all times.
Thundercats, Hooooooooo
Classic 80’s cartoon Thundercats is coming to TV in a new series for Cartoon Network. Warner Bros. Animation is producing the series with Japanese animation house Studio4°C, who’s responsible for animated features The Animatrix and Gotham Knight.
As hard as it is to root for yet another reboot of a nostalgic cartoon, I have to admit that this one sounds pretty cool. It’s hard to get too worked up over defending the creative integrity of a show about scantly-clad cat-humans having sword fights. Especially since the original series’s animation hasn’t aged very well, and could actually use a high-end upgrade. All the remake really needs to do is get rid of Snarf and it’ll get my vote of approval.
Today’s Lows
Al and Tipper Gore Split
Like a polar bear on ice floe drifting out to sea, America’s favorite power-pointer, Al Gore, is separating from wife Tipper. The pair announced called it quits on Tuesday, less than a month after their 40th wedding anniversary.
We’re hoping Al takes the separation better than he did his last big rejection, which led to growing a hobo beard and addressing passengers on the bus as “my fellow Americans.” Luckily the internet, always grateful to Gore for inventing it in the first place, has offered to help the VP bounce back. It can be tough to get back in the dating scene, so Twitter is thoughtfully providing a list of potential pickup lines for the Nobel Prize Winner. When Gore makes the first big step into a singles bar, at least he’ll have some great lines to fall back on, such as
“Baby, you should win the Nobel Piece of Ass Prize” @Borowitzreport
“That’s just the tip. Like an iceberg broken off by warming, there’s another 90% you haven’t seen yet.” @colsonwhitehead
“Baby, if you want to see how big my hanging chad is, let’s go to my place & do a recount.” @Borowitzreport
“I’d like to be a heartbeat away from YOUR oval office” @heatheronetsy
Or, my own personal contribution: “I may be an opponent of global warming, but I’d love to warm your globes.”
