1. Cop Out is a Mega-Disaster.
Whenever a director starts calling his film a “popcorn” movie and going after nameless critics, you know you’re in trouble. I get it, believe me I do, he’s had a rough couple of weeks. If Southwest Airlines ever did me as dirty as they did poor Kevin I’d probably build a tree-fort in the backyard, never to be heard from again. Just me and my dog, Scraps. But as I’ve actually seen Cop Out I can confirm the bad news. It’s weak sauce all the way, a watered down Lethal Weapon wannabe that doesn’t have the benefit of Mel Gibson separating his own shoulder every ten minutes. His OWN SHOULDER!
Sadly, this movie is devoid of the funny; a shame given Kevin Smith is a talented guy. Chasing Amy was big fun, Dogma was delightfully subversive, heck even Clerks flashed tons of talent in a compact little film. No one wants to see a nice guy make a clunker, but that’s exactly what happened here. It’s hard to know where to place blame. Did it all go terribly wrong because Smith didn’t handle the writing duties this time around, or perhaps having Warner Bros. involved meant too many cooks in the kitchen? Whatever the case, it doesn’t have nearly enough “ha-ha” for a two-hour (and Rated R) film. See The Crazies instead, provided you’re a fan of the horror genre. Or watch The Olympics, provided you’re a fan of the figure skating genre.
Bonus Random Thought: Smith’s next project, Hit Somebody, should be a nice return to form. Based on a Warren Zevon song, it might end up as this generation’s Slap Shot. We could certainly use one.
Come April, you’re going to be allowed to trade for real money on Hollywood derivatives. They are still working out the details, but it would essentially amount to gambling on how much movies will make domestically in the first four weeks of their theatrical run. For instance, the practice number for Cop Out currently stands at $59 million. Would this be nearly double what any Kevin Smith film has ever made? Why yes, it would. Thus, if you think the number will be lower, you short it, just as you would a stock on the New York Stock Exchange. For real money. How about that? Think you know more than the general public about how much a film will make? You might be able to earn some extra lunch money for your troubles. Of course, you could also lose your shirt, so be careful out there Hollywood traders! No one wants to end up living in a van down by the river because Iron Man 2 didn’t rock the box office.
3. Sam Worthington Has the Best Agent Ever.
Have you seen this Clash of the Titans trailer? Here, give it a gander:
Fun, right? It would seem that Mr. Worthington’s agent has gotten him into about four billion dollars worth of films over the past year, including Avatar, Terminator: Salvation, and now Clash of the Titans. That’s impressive work out of that guy. He’s clearly loaded with skill. Do you think he wears the Nintendo Power Glove around his house, just for fun? I’d like to think he does. I know I would. Mark me down as “excited” for this Clash of the Titans remake.
4. Fun with Captain America Casting.
John Krasinski, star of The Office, is the latest contestant in the Captain America sweepstakes. Rumors mention the salary starting at a paltry $300,000, though the lucky winner will be signing on for nine potential projects, including The Avengers. I’ve wanted Jon Hamm for the part since he was mentioned in 2008, though upon reflection he might be a little long in the tooth.
Here’s a new idea for you to mull during your mulling session, an actor named Tahmok Penikett. You know, Helo from Battlestar Galactica. Yeah, yeah, he’s a Canadian, I know. But he’s already played a captain! Plus he’s a physical presence, the kind you need for Captain America. This idea has been percolating for a few years on various message boards, but we’ll need a last-minute intervention to make it a reality. Make it so.
5. A Prophet Remains The Best Oscar-Nominated Film You Still Need to See.
I’m not even sure I’m allowed to talk about this film, such are the zany rules behind screening films. But the French film A Prophet (Un prophète) is really quite good. We’re talking Godfather-level quality here, even though the film takes places in four languages and probably requires multiple viewings. It opens in New York City this weekend. Give it a watch, be a buddy on this one. The film is violent, it’s about prison life, but it’s also perfectly paced and acted while remaining entirely unpredictable. There’s a reason the movie stands at 93 percent on RottenTomatoes. Get some!
6. Bradley Cooper Wisely Chooses.The Hangover Sequel Over McG.
I’ll do the math for you here. In one corner, we’ve got the director coming off Terminator: Salvation, a movie that, even conservatively, had to have lost around $50 million dollars. That’s a lot of million, and Hollywood frowns on the “losing money” aspect of the business. In opposing corner we’ve got the director coming off The Hangover, a movie that, even conservatively, had to have made a couple hundred million dollars. You either take a nice payday for a sure thing… or take a nice payday for a big ol’ question mark. Mr. Cooper chose the sure thing. You would too, because sure things, much like Thin Mints, are great.
On that note, I hope you all have a pleasant weekend, filled with plenty of sure things and no hangovers whatsoever.
Checkout last week’s Movie Musings here
Laremy is the lead critic and senior producer for a website named Film.com. He’s also available on Twitter, where he’s looking forward to Hangover 3: Fully Loaded.
