Flashing cameras. Premieres. Red carpets. High fashion. Expensive Toys. Self-promotion. Yes, celebrity life is filled with extravagance. Why is so important, then, for us to also hear that they change diapers just like us? Or that they wake up in the middle of the night with migraines and anxiety attacks? This blatant duality is why so many of us are interested in their off-screen antics. Well, that and that fact that there’s no $10.75 ticket price required to see them in all their glory–on TV.
The anecdotal glossy banter that ensues when they appear on the irreverent Jimmy Kimmel Live or heck, even the hapless Tony Danza Show, is sometimes fluid and riveting, other times extremely awkward and shallow, but always entertaining and supplies us with a glimpse at what these larger-than-life stars are like in the ‘real’ world.
Here, for your comprehensive viewing pleasure, is a beefy listing of who is appearing on which talk show this week, and what they’ll probably talk about in the hot seat, other than their ever-growing bank accounts—which is what we really want to hear more about, well maybe…
But first—let’s rewind:
Last Week’s Highlight
Audiences collectively gasped in excitement, as production of The Tony Danza Show was severely hindered last Monday. As the story goes, the sprinkler systems went off overnight, flooding the set, and cutting-off the lights. (My covert plan to halt the painful show actually worked!–I initially suspected, as I slowly stroked my chin).
But there he was, Mr. Danza himself, dead set on foiling my scheme, in the dark and without an audience. If you have trouble watching him under normal circumstances, just picture him alone, in a dark studio, holding a handheld laughter/applause remote control that he set off multiple times, after the telling some of his trademark gut-busters. Sigh.
It was such an extreme lowlight of the week that I just HAD to make it a highlight.
Monday, February 13th:
Live With Regis & Kelly
Diddy swings by Live to discuss his new Sean John Fragrance. Bronze statue of a man George Hamilton comes in to discuss his banishment from Dancing with the Stars.
The View
Singer Andrea Bocelli serenades The View gals with songs from his new album Amore. Lost star Naveen Andrews and Courting Alex star Jenna Elfman also stop by.
The Ellen DeGeneres Show
Heath Ledger comes to discuss his deep-down desire to be clutching a golden statue in a month; a newly single Sheryl Crow is in the house.
The Late Show With David Letterman
From playing fetching catcher on the Rockford Peaches in A League of Their Own, to becoming President of the United States, bravo Geena Davis. INXS performs.
The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
The gift of psychic powers apparently told her to star in a Medium rip-off. Ghost Whisperer‘s Jennifer Love Hewitt visits Leno.
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Sitcom star Freddie Prinze Jr., and pro golfer John Daly.
Late Night With Conan O’Brien
The Winter Olympics pre-empts Conan.
The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson
Alyson Hannigan plugs her latest gross-out spoof ‘comedy’ Date Movie; and Paul Haggis who will star in three movies this year including the Clint Eastwood directed Flags of Our Fathers guests.
Tuesday, February 14th:
Live With Regis & Kelly
Edie Falco, who stars in the upcoming thriller Freedomland, and will soon resume her role as Carmela Soprano come March. Harry Connick Jr. performs music from his Broadway musical The Pajama Game.
The View
Boy, she’s tall. Geena Davis, and Author Laura Berman. Wife Swap couples also slated as guests. (The reality show that’s definitely not as kinky as it sounds).
The Ellen DeGeneres Show
Valentine’s Day show, with Gilmore Girl, and heavy gambler on Bravo’s Celebrity Poker Showdown, Lauren Graham.
Oprah
Newlyweds Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood discuss current life, and love.
The Late Show With David Letterman
Her child has gone missing, and she’s distraught. It’s ok…just enlist the help of Samuel L. Jackson and consider the case closed: Freedomland’s Julianne Moore. It’s Valentine’s Day…They love music: The O’Jays.
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Paul Reiser, who unfortunately lost a chunk of his career after Larry David perfected the role of neurotic husband, stops by.
Jimmy Kimmel Live
His teeth can probably be seen from outer space. Superstar Flava Flav comes to talk about what a chore it is to star in VH1’s The Flavor of Love, his own Bachelor-type reality show.
Late Night With Conan O’Brien
The death-defying but Kwan-less Olympics pre-empts Conan.
The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson
The newest addition to the ‘lets follow around a weird half-celebrity’ reality show circuit, cutie Lisa Loeb.
Wednesday, February 15th:
Live With Regis & Kelly
Oscar-nominated L’Oreal gal, Julianne Moore of Freedomland, and 2005 reality-show modified band INXS visit Live.
The View
Anchor Elizabeth Vargas drops in.
The Ellen DeGeneres Show
Minnie Driver, who was just named as the lead in a new FX drama Lowlife, and Eight Below’s Jason Biggs chat with Ellen.
The Late Show With David Letterman
Never at a loss for controversial words, Charles Barkley preaches to Dave. Friends with Money star, and Oscar-nominated actress Catherine Keener also guests.
The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
It’s been a long time since Matt Dillon has been in the spotlight, Wednesday on Leno he’ll discuss his Oscar nomination and make nice with the Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit cover model, also on the couch.
Jimmy Kimmel Live
In the middle of a comeback, Fred Savage visits to discuss his new hit show Crumbs. Soft-punk-pop band Yellowcard performs.
Late Night with Conan O’Brien
The Olympics pre-empts Conan.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
I’m sorry Paul Reiser, what I said before was mean—I’ll definitely try to catch you on this show. American Dreamz star Judy Greer also chats with Craig.
Thursday, February 16th:
Live With Regis & Kelly
Joan Rivers–and the pack of one hundred men that it takes to move her around–comes to discuss the upcoming Oscar show.
The View
Disney’s Eight Below stars Paul Walker and Jason Biggs share the couch with the ladies of The View to discuss their upcoming tale of survival in Antarctica.
The Ellen DeGeneres Show
The busy host of two shows, Tyra, and America’s Next Top Model, Tyra Banks, talks shop with Ellen. One of Ellen’s favorite guests, Betty White, also stops by.
The Late Show With David Letterman
I know I am not the only one who finds him semi-annoying–Jimmy Fallon, who has been picked to co-star in a film version of I Dream of Jeannie, chats with Dave.
The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
Billy Crystal visits The Tonight Show. Thanks to his one man show commitment, we get to see how Jon Stewart fares at hosting the big Oscar broadcast.
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Jack Osbourne visits Kimmel to discuss the amount of swearing and debauchery that has happened with his family since the cameras turned off years ago.
Late Night With Conan O’Brien
Olympics pre-empts Conan.
The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson
Time is running out. If he doesn’t get to Craig Ferguson in time, canisters of nerve gas will be released throughout every major mall in America. Jack Bauer could do it–not so sure about Kiefer Sutherland, though. Rocco DeLuca performs.
Friday, February 17th:
Live With Regis & Kelly
Co-hosted by the beacon of British snobbery, Simon Cowell.
The View
The gals teach Samuel L. Jackson, Edie Falco and Julianne Moore of Freedomland, how to make a real thriller. Hint: it involves Star Jones.
The Ellen DeGeneres Show
The Oscar-nominated star of Pride and Prejudice, and possibly more importantly, the latest nude Vanity Fair cover model, Keira Knightley dishes the dirt on baring it all.
The Late Show With David Letterman
Donald Trump comes to discuss his new Apprentice: California, and his soon-to-be-born half model child. Comedian Bill Burr performs.
The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
Come on Samuel L. Jackson, try and show Jay Leno how to be at least a little bit cool.
Jimmy Kimmel Live
James Denton, world’s most famous plumber, talks to Jimmy about Desperate Housewives. Radio and TV host Steve Harvey also appears.
Late Night With Conan O’Brien
Again, The Olympics pre-empts Conan.
Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Jason Biggs finishes off his exhaustive week o’ plugging for Eight Below, with Fiona Apple dropping by as well.
Happy viewing to all, and do make sure to keep the remote control close by, so you can soak in as many talk shows as possible. Trust me, you’ll be feeling better in no time.
