The Bottom Line: Jen, Just ‘Break’ Your Silence Over Vince

Come on, Jen, just tell us already whether you’re swinging with Vince Vaughn.

Hey, it’s been almost a year since you reportedly hooked up with your Break-Up buddy. So put us out of our misery and come clean. You may even sell a few more tickets to your (un)romantic comedy if you kiss and tell. Isn’t that what really matters? Especially after so precious few witnessed you desecrate the memory of The Graduate with Rumor Has it.

OK, Jen, you can’t really be blamed for refusing to telling all. Your relationship with Brad Pitt came under public scrutiny the moment he first whispered sweet nothings in your ear. No doubt you’re still irked about the stories that dissected your marriage, especially those that questioned whether you were more concerned about advancing your career than bearing Brad’s baby.

And refusing to confirm his relationship with Angelina Jolie worked out OK for Brad. Those constant denials did wonders for Mr. and Mrs. Smith. We all flocked to see whether sparks flew between your then-hubby and that luscious-lipped man-eater–oh, boy, did they!–and whether there was any evidence that they were getting hot and heavy off-screen. Any doubts we had were certainly erased when we learned that Angelina was with child.

Of course, revealing all last summer may have irreparably hurt the very expensive Mr. and Mrs. Smith, just as Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger’s headline-grabbing affair sank The Marrying Man. But Brad didn’t have his career invested in Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

That’s not the case with you and The Break-Up, is it Jen?

The jury’s still out as to whether you’re the Friend most likely to succeed. So it’s make-or-break time as far as The Break-Up goes.

Your early offerings–Picture Perfect, The Object of My Affection–proved too sitcom-ish to distance you from Friends. Bruce Almighty and Along Came Polly ruled on the strength of your respective leading men, Jim Carrey and Ben Stiller. Derailed was a moderate hit thanks to its $22 million budget. Rumor Has It was just plain creepy. Who wanted to see you make out with Kevin Costner? 

The Good Girl proved you could act; Friends With Money showed you are a terrific team player; The Break-Up will determine whether you can open a film.

If The Break-Up is a hysterical battle of the sexes, and we believe you and Vince were made for each other, then all will be well. If The Break-Up boasts less laughs than Kramer vs. Kramer, and you and Vince are an absolute mismatched, you could find yourself fighting for Sarah Jessica Parker’s scraps. Or, eventually, back on TV, perhaps where you really belong.

The Bottom Line
The fate of The Break-Up doesn’t hang on your real-life love life, Jen. But if you and Vince don’t click onscreen, no one will come see the comedy we’re had to hear about for almost one year. And that could truly harm your attempt to do what no other sitcom actress has done in years: become a genuine movie star. Regardless, just end our suspense about you and Vince. Do we have to know about your private life? No. Do we care about your private life? No. We’re just nosy, and it’s bugging us that you won’t tell us what we want to know. Give us the answer–whatever it is–and we’ll stop bugging you. Unless, of course, yes is the answer. Then we’ll press you for a wedding date.