Determined to ensure that 2007’s Transformers lived up to its “robots in disguise” credo, director Michael Bay based his robot characters on real-world vehicles. Autobots Bumblebee and Jazz, for example, were modeled after the Chevrolet Camaro and Pontiac Solstice, respectively, while the Decepticon Starscream transformed into an F-22 Raptor. (The only exception was Megatron, whose frozen ass maintained its Cybertronian form.)
Bay upped the ante for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, introducing several new characters and vehicles. Unfortunately, a number of promising new additions were left on the cutting room floor and won’t be seen when the film debuts in theaters on June 24. Behold Douchicron, Molesticus Prime and the rest of the rejects:
Mulletor
Model: 2005 Chevy Silverado (Alternate modes include the Sea-Doo Sportboat and Camaro IROC Z)
Allegiance: Autobot
Description: Though not the smartest Transformer of the bunch, this hardy Autobot is utterly fearless on the battlefield. Mulletor is always the first to join any fight, even when it isn’t advisable — or warranted.
MORE: Jobz[PAGEBREAK]
Jobz
Model: Apple iPhone 3G
Allegiance: Decepticon
Description: After disabling a target with a blast from his Hype Cannon, Jobz delivers potent mind-control pulses that render it completely acquiescent to his every command.
MORE: Treehugger[PAGEBREAK]
Treehugger
Model: 2007 Toyota Prius
Allegiance: Decepticon
Description: Powered entirely by his own sense of superiority, Treehugger browbeats adversaries into submission with his Smug-Ray.
MORE: Zig-Zag[PAGEBREAK]
Zig-Zag
Model: 1979 Dodge Van
Allegiance: Autobot
Description: When Zig-Zag opens his doors, a plume of smoke emerges, temporarily slowing the reaction time of those in the immediate vicinity. His reliability, unfortunately, is severely hampered by faulty memory circuits.
MORE: Bailout[PAGEBREAK]
Bailout
Model: 2004 Cadillac Escalade
Allegiance: Decepticon
Description: Wielding his devastating two-pronged, “too big to fail” attack, Bailout first plunders his victim’s energy resources, then drains its economic ones. Is prone to mechanical failure.
MORE: Emasculator[PAGEBREAK]
Emasculator
Model: Vespa Scooter
Allegiance: Autobot
Description: Any creature that comes within 10 feet of Emasculator will experience an immediate and irreversible drop in power, aggressiveness and virility, and will be cursed with a lifelong fondness for berets.
MORE: Douchicron[PAGEBREAK]
Douchicron
Model: Porsche 911
Allegiance: Decepticon
Description: Blustery and brash, this Decepticon’s terrifying bark is often worse than his bite. Is likely compensating for noticeably undersized energon cubes.
MORE: Mensatron[PAGEBREAK]
Mensatron
Model: Segway Personal Transporter
Allegiance: Autobot
Description: Employs a force-shield that protects him from outside attack, making him practically invulnerable — oblivious, some might say — to the near-constant ridicule directed his way on a daily basis.
MORE: Boondoggle[PAGEBREAK]
Boondoggle
Model: Airbus A380
Allegiance: Decepticon
Description: Armed with a highly destructive “budget-buster” weapon, this ruthlessly inefficient Decepticon can singlehandedly cripple the economy of any European nation.
MORE: Combustor[PAGEBREAK]
Combustor
Model: 1978 Ford Pinto
Allegiance: Autobot
Description: This little guy may appear harmless from the front, but packed inside his rear end is enough explosive power to blow you halfway to Cybertron.
MORE: Molesticus Prime[PAGEBREAK]
Molesticus Prime
Model: Ice Cream Truck
Allegiance: Decepticon
Description: This predatory Decepticon lures unsuspecting villains with catchy music and the promise of sweet rewards, only to send them limping away, irreparably damaged.
