The Eye
Release Date: February 1
Cast: Jessica Alba, Alessandro Nivola, Parker Posey
Scoop: Sydney (Jessica Alba), an accomplished concert violinist, who’s been blind since childhood, undergoes a double corneal transplant and regains her sight. But soon, frightening images start to haunt her. Are they a passing surgery aftermath? Sydney’s mind adjusting to sight? A product of her imagination? Or did her eye donor pass on an open door to a something horrifyingly real?
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: What’s for dinner Jessica?! Can’t be that baaaad. Let’s hope this Alba wide release serves up a long-awaited critical hit. Doubtful!
Snapshot Prediction: 2 out of 5 flashes[PAGEBREAK]
Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour
Genre: Musical, Concert
Release Date: February 1
Cast: Miley Cyrus, Billy Ray Cyrus
Scoop: Fourteen-year-old singing sensation, Miley Cyrus, performs in concert–at several venues on her 2007 highly-publicized fifty-four city tour–as both a solo artist and as her popular television character, Hannah Montana.
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Step back crochet-y critics and let the tweens judge this one for themselves, as they propel it into February’s possible box office hit. Look out: we’ve got our sights set on you … and we’re ready to aim!
Snapshot Prediction: 3 out of 5 flashes[PAGEBREAK]
Genre: Comedy, Roadtrip
Release Date: February 1
Cast: Steve Zahn, Justin Long, Jonah Hill, Ashley Scott, Jeff Garlin, Ernest Borgnine, Allen Covert
Scoop: When the ratings of the popular wildlife show sink to an all-time low and it’s about to be cancelled, Pete (Steve Zahn) and his filmmaking partner Fred Wolf (Allen Covert) realize they have to come up with “something big” to save the series–like charting a map to the legendary Bigfoot’s secret cave.
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Can the theater please hand out these pretend-you’re-awake-eye-tattoos at every screening, so you can justify losing those two hours in your life that you’ll never regain?! With the (mis-) fortune of already having seen this film, we can tip you off: not even Justin Long can save this beast of burden from the clutches of utter snoozeville.
Snapshot Prediction: 1 out of 5 flashes[PAGEBREAK]
Genre: Comedy, Supernatural
Release Date: February 1
Cast: Eva Longoria, Paul Rudd, Lake Bell
Scoop: Devastated when his fiancée Kate (Eva Longoria) is killed on their wedding day, Henry (Paul Rudd) reluctantly agrees to consult a psychic, Ashley (Lake Bell), whom he ends up falling for–and vice versa. Their fledgling romance is great until Henry’s new girlfriend is haunted by Kate’s furious ghost.
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Looks like a bit of ‘dead space’ is in the air with this destined-to-be doozie. Even the parrot looks bored. Besides, isn’t this uninspired material what TV movies are made of?
Snapshot Prediction: 1 out of 5 flashes [PAGEBREAK]
Fool’s Gold
Release Date: February 8
Cast: Kate Hudson, Matthew McConaughey, Donald Sutherland
Scoop: Ben “Finn” Finnegan (Matthew McConaughey) is a good-natured, surf bum-turned-treasure hunter who, in his quest for an 18th-century Queen’s dowery, has sunk everything he has into his ill-fated mission–including his marriage to Tess (Kate Hudson). However, when he discovers a vital clue to the mega treasure’s whereabouts, Finn and Tess embark on a golden mission!
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Blue Crush meets National Treasure? We can totally hang with that during the winter doldrums, considering there should be at least a spark or two shared by the buff, hammy Coppertoned costars.
Snapshot Prediction: 3 out of 5 flashes[PAGEBREAK]
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Release Date: February 8
Cast: Paris Hilton, Adam Kulbersh, Christine Lakin
Scoop: Nate (Adam Kulbersh) has been smitten with Cristabel (Paris Hilton) since childhood–but his family moved away. Convinced she’s still the only girl for him, he moves back to L.A. to track her down. The good news: she’s still single and stunning. The bad news: there’s a reason she’s still single. Cristabel is still best friends with the same, less fortunate childhood friend, June (Christine Lakin)–and the two are inseparable.
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: A dash of Exorcist meets Virgin Suicides? Sigh. Can’t we please see a less obvious version in which Paris plays the ‘Nottie’?! This film displays all the ingredients for yawnworthy, situation romcom 101. So sit back and hope for irony or camp to drop by.
Snapshot Prediction: 2 out of 5 flashes [PAGEBREAK]
Genre: Action, Crime, Comedy, Drama
Release Date: February 8
Cast: Colin Farrell, Brendan Gleeson, Ralph Fiennes
Scoop: Holed-up in a medieval Belgian city named Bruges after a difficult job, two hit men Ray (Colin Farrell) and Ken (Brendan Gleeson) begin to differ on their views of life and death as they become comfortable with local customs and their surreal experiences in town.
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Colin Farrell fully loaded is, um, a sight to behold on several levels. We’ll just trust that in this Flemish-setting, paired with the sparkling Brendan Gleeson and a caustic Irish-flecked script, Farrell‘s hit man will pack a lasting ‘dramedic’ punch in this buzz film that opened Sundance.
Snapshot Prediction: 3.5 out of 5 flashes [PAGEBREAK]
Genre: Crime, Horror, Mystery, Thriller, Mockumentary
Release Date: February 8
Cast: Ben Messmer, Stacy Chbosky, Samantha Robson, Ivar Brogger, Ron Harper
Scoop: When hundreds of videotapes showing torture, murder and dismemberment are found in an abandoned house in Poughkeepsie, N.Y., they reveal a serial killer’s decade-long reign of terror and become the most disturbing collection of evidence homicide detectives have ever seen.
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Creepy? Yes. Inappropriate? Perhaps. We’re a little nervous about watching outcome of a ‘serious mockmeuntary’ made about a ‘real life’ serial murderer who makes his own snuff films. Satire at any cost–the verdict is out on this one. But let’s see…
Snapshot Prediction: 2 out of 5 flashes [PAGEBREAK]
Genre: Comedy
Release Date: February 8
Cast: Martin Lawrence, Nicole Ari Parker, Louis C.K., ‘Mo’Nique‘, Joy Bryant
Scoop: A successful talk show host (Martin Lawrence) heads from L.A. with his reality-TV star fiancee back to his modest roots, to reunite with his crazy but lovable family in the Deep South for his parents’ 50th anniversary.
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Oh no he’ di-in’t! Yes, the winter months may be filled with straight-to-DVD fare, but looks like Martin may’ve landed another laugh out loud, high-camp, low-brow gem in this Malcolm Lee pic. And he’s done so without ’emasculating’ drag being the order of the day–but rather with a pushy, woop-ass happy Mo’Nique playfully inspiring the male shrivel (again).
Snapshot Prediction: 3 out of 5 flashes [PAGEBREAK]
Genre: Drama, Romance
Release Date: February 13
Cast: Norah Jones, Jude Law, Natalie Portman
Scoop: After a rough break-up, Elizabeth (Norah Jones) sets out on a journey across America, leaving behind a life of memories, a dream and a soulful new friend–all while in search of something to mend her broken heart. Waitressing her way through the country, she befriends others whose yearnings are greater than hers and begins to understand her own journey.
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Hard to tell if this will be too precious for its own good, but at least we’ll get to see Norah‘s screen acting debut. Weather convincing or not, at least we know she’ll bring some soul to it.
Snapshot Prediction: 3 out of 5 flashes [PAGEBREAK]
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Release Date: February 14
Cast: Ryan Reynolds, Abigail Breslin, Derek Luke, Rachel Weisz, Isla Fisher
Scoop: Will Hayes (Ryan Reynolds), a soon-to-be-divorced political consultant has to answer some hard questions from his sharp 11-year-old daughter, Maya (Abigail Breslin), as he explains his past relationships.
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: We’re definitely, maybe on the fence with this stilted-looking, potential grab bag of family geared Valentine glee–or manipulation–served-up this month.
Snapshot Prediction: 2.5 out of 5 flashes [PAGEBREAK]
Genre: Dance, Drama, Teen, Sequel
Release Date: February 14
Cast: Robert Hoffman, Briana Evigan, Telisha Shaw, Will Kemp, Luis Salgado
Scoop: When rebellious street dancer Andie (Briana Evigan) lands at the elite Maryland School of the Arts, she finds herself fighting to fit in and yet holding on to her old life. When she joins forces with the school’s hottest dancer Chase (Robert Hoffman) to form a crew of classmate outcasts to compete in an underground dance battle, she ultimately finds a way to live her dream and bridge two separate worlds.
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Here comes the rain again–just in time, 25 years later, to add a retro Flashdance fe-e-e-e-lin’ to a clearly retro hip hop street dance scene. One pant leg up, this sequel is already feeling past tense, but who knows?
Snapshot Prediction: 1 out of 5 flashes [PAGEBREAK]
George Romero’s Diary of the Dead
Genre: Horror
Release Date: February 15
Cast: Joshua Close, Shawn Roberts, Scott Wentworth, Michelle Morgan
Scoop: Jason Creed (Joshua Close) and a small crew of college filmmakers are in the woods making a no-budget horror film when they hear the terrifying news that the dead have started returning to life. Led by Jason’s girlfriend, Debra (Michelle Morgan), the frightened young filmmakers set off to try to get back to the only safety and security they know, as Jason documents the true-life horrors.
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: There you have it: the trials of no-budget indie filmmaking in a nutshell! And if any one filmmaker should know about that, George Romero tops the charts.
Snapshot Prediction: 3 out of 5 flashes [PAGEBREAK]
Genre: Adaptation, Children, Fantasy
Release Date: February 15
Cast: Freddie Highmore, Mary-Louise Parker, Nick Nolte, Joan Plowright, David Strathairn, Seth Rogen (Voice), Martin Short (Voice)
Scoop: Peculiar things start to happen the moment Jared (Freddie Highmore) and his family leave New York and move into the secluded old house owned by their great, great uncle Arthur Spiderwick (David Strathairn). Unable to explain the strange disappearances and accidents that seem to be happening on a daily basis, the family blames Jared, who, along with his siblings uncovers the fantastic truth of the Spiderwick estate and of the creatures that inhabit it.
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Nice to see Yoda and Leprechaun’s spawn hanging tight with hardworking young-teen-of-the-hour, Freddie Highmore, who always lights up any role he takes on.
Snapshot Prediction: 3 out of 5 flashes [PAGEBREAK]
Genre: Comedy
Release Date: February 22
Cast: Jack Black, Danny Glover, Mos Def, Mia Farrow, Melonie Diaz
Scoop: Jerry (Jack Black), a junkyard worker whose brain becomes magnetized unintentionally destroys every tape in his friend, Mike’s (Mos Def‘s) video store. Fearing Mike will lose his job, and in order to satisfy the store’s most loyal renter, an aging woman with signs of dementia, the two men set out to remake the lost films, which include Back to the Future, The Lion King, and Robocop.
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: You just know this earnest, motley crew, under cinema innovator Michel Gondry‘s helm, will more than re-shape the way you watch movies for years to come, by merely pulling you into their madcap, revisionist universe in which everything is questioned.
Snapshot Prediction: 4 out of 5 flashes [PAGEBREAK]
Genre: Comedy, Teen
Release Date: February 22
Cast: Anton Yelchin, Hope Davis, Robert Downey Jr, Kat Dennings, Tyler Hilton
Scoop: Charlie Bartlett (Anton Yelchin) has been kicked out of every private school he ever attended. And now that he’s moved on to public school, he’s simply getting pummeled. But when Charlie discovers that the kids who surround him are secretly in desperate need, his entrepreneurial spirit takes over, and he becomes an underground–not to mention under-aged–shrink dispensing advice and pills he’s proffered from his own psychiatric sessions.
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: We meet a placid wise-ass who’s half-bully, half-nerd, fully together on the ‘outside’, and falling apart within–isn’t that what shrinks are made of? Chances are Charlie Bartlett hits the right mark.
Snapshot Prediction: 3.5 out of 5 flashes [PAGEBREAK]
Genre: Remake, Supernatural, Thriller
Release Date: February 22
Cast: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Lee Pace, Michael Landes
Scoop: When Jess’s (Sarah Michelle Gellar‘s) husband collides with his felon brother in a freak car accident, it lands both of them into comas. Complications arise when the dubious brother awakes and believes that he is the Jess’s husband.
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: And so the circle begins, you never know with Sarah Michelle whether it’s gonna be good bad, or bad good. Either way, looks like a more mature story for Sarah might become another box office addiction.
Snapshot Prediction: 2.5 out of 5 flashes [PAGEBREAK]
Genre: Drama, Thriller
Release Date: February 22
Cast: Dennis Quaid, Matthew Fox, William Hurt, Forest Whitaker, Sigourney Weaver
Scoop: Thomas Barnes (Dennis Quaid) and Kent Taylor (Matthew Fox) are two Secret Service agents assigned to protect President Ashton (William Hurt) at a landmark summit on the global war on terror. When Ashton is shot moments after his arrival in Spain, chaos ensues and disparate lives collide. We follow each person’s perspective of the same 15 minutes to and immediately after the shooting.
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Solid thesps, everyone appears engaged, the least Vantage Point should be is ‘plain old good’.
Snapshot Prediction: 3 out of 5 flashes [PAGEBREAK]
Genre: Adaptation, Drama, Historical, Period
Release Date: February 29
Cast: Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johansson, Eric Bana, Jim Sturgess, Kristin Scott Thomas
Scoop: Two sisters, Anne (Natalie Portman) and Mary (Scarlett Johansson) Boleyn, are driven by their ambitious Father and Uncle to advance the family’s power and status by courting the affections of the King of England. Leaving behind the simplicity of country life, the girls are thrust into the dangerous, thrilling world of court life–and what began as a bid to help their family develops into a ruthless rivalry between Anne and Mary for the love of the King, as England is torn apart.
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Watch out–choking your sibling is a criminal offense, punishable by the law! Which do you guess was the bigger rivalry between the pulchritudinous actresses–their onscreen vying for close-ups, or their offscreen need for onset attention. Either way, both lovely leading ladies command your attendance at the box office later this month. Good–maybe? Juicy–definitely!
Snapshot Prediction: 3.5 out of 5 flashes [PAGEBREAK]
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Fantasy
Release Date: February 29
Cast: Christina Ricci, Reese Witherspoon, James McAvoy, Catherine O’Hara, Peter Dinklage
Scoop: A fantastical tale of a young socialite, Penelope (Christina Ricci), who is physically afflicted by a secret family curse that can only be broken when she is loved by “one of her own kind”. Hidden away in the family’s majestic home, she is subjected to meeting a string of blue-bloods through her parents’ futile attempt to marry her off and break the curse. Each suitor is instantly enamored with Penelope–until the curse is revealed. Determined to live life on her own terms, Penelope breaks free from her family and goes out into the world in search of adventure–curse be damned.
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: Yes, the girl in the plastic bubble phenom can be just as effective–even if unspooled as a dark comedy–especially since Christina Ricci is one of the few, alternative young actresses out there risky enough to throw caution to the wind and contort her physical appearance in the name of acting
Snapshot Prediction: 3 out of 5 flashes [PAGEBREAK]
Genre: Comedy, Period, Sports
Release Date: February 8
Cast: Will Ferrell, Woody Harrelson, Andre 3000, Jay Phillips
Scoop: Jackie Moon (Will Ferrell) is a one-hit wonder who used the profits from the success of his chart-topping song “Love Me Sexy” to achieve his dream of owning a basketball team. But Moon’s franchise, the Flint Michigan Tropics, is the worst team in the league and in danger of folding when the ABA announces its plans to merge with the NBA. If they want to survive, Jackie and the Tropics must now do the seemingly impossible–win.
If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words, We Say: He’s back at it again–this time with mutton chops and a major ‘fro! Can Will and his teammates pull off a slam dunk with this latest love letter to the ’70s? The score is still out, but in the meanwhile we want to salute Jackie and the Tropics with a good ol’: Right On!
Snapshot Prediction: 3.5 out of 5 flashes
