[IMG:L]
“If you want it, you can find it on TV!”
That was the theme of the 59th Annual Primetime Emmys. Family Guy’s Brian and Stewie opened the ceremony with a little song and dance number, spoofing everything from new primetime swill, such as the upcoming sitcom Caveman, to the ages of the women on Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Antatomy’s Isaiah Washington replacing Michael Richards’ Kramer on a revamped Seinfeld—and even The Sopranos’ blackout ending. An interesting but hilarious choice to open the show.
- Advertisement -
Then host Ryan Seacrest kicked things off, exclaiming, “You can tell we are definitely on Fox this year!” He tried to be funny, really he did, pointing out that this year’s Emmy set was done in a theater in the round environment. Unfortunately, Seacrest ended up sounding very much like he does hosting American Idol, his radio top 40 show, the E! red carpet stuff–and just about anything else he does. Here’s just a sampling of some classic Seacrest moments for the night:
“Look at all the celebrities we have here tonight. All of them incredible–and all of them passed on hosting this year. It’s OK, I’ve got the time.”
“We’ve seated Hayden [Panettiere], who just turned 18, as far away as possible from Jeremy Piven.”
[IMG:R]”Weeds is a great show…and what an amaaaazing after party! Right, Paula?” The camera pans to his American Idol co-star Paula Abdul, who didn’t look to happy to be spotlighted.
“This looked a lot less gay on the rack. Can I keep it?,” after coming out in a costume from Showtime’s show The Tudors.
Let’s just say, Ellen DeGeneres was deeply missed.
- Advertisement -
The show was not a total dud, however. Here are some choice highlights from both the winners and presenters:
Presenters
“I totally got the ending of Sopronos. It’s the same way sex ends for me. I shut the lights and my wife sits up and says what happened, it’s over? Is that it?”—Ray Romano
“It’s Heigl. It’s a hard name, I know.”–Grey’s Anatomy’s Katherine Heigl, correcting the announcer who mispronounced her last name.
[IMG:L]”I know you’re not a real doctor, but should I have it removed?”—Ellen DeGeneres, sitting in the audience with House’s Hugh Laurie.
“Everyone’s favorite cheerleader just turned 18, we know what that means? Heh, heh…a new voter!”—How I Met Your Mother’s Neil Patrick Harris to his co-presenter, Heroes’ Hayden Panettiere.
“I stand before you tonight not just as a presenter or international famous personality of TV and film, but as part of The Office. [Applause] Thank you, you are very nice. Even though I was the only one asked to present tonight, I’m really just part of a team, a great part of the assemble [sic].”—Steve Carell.
“Brilliant, take-no-prisoners litigator, a world-class homicide detective…and an enterprising single mother who makes unusual choices to provide for her children.–The Closer‘s Kyra Sedgwick, Damages‘ Glenn Close and Weeds‘ Mary-Louise Parker on how great cable is nowadays for centering shows on strong female role models.
“Hey network execs, have you forgotten what your job is? It’s to tell stories! And what’s telling us about the next show in the middle of the show we are watching. Here’s a message from the viewers, we don’t care about the next show! We are watching the show! You destory the drama or comedy or the nap I’m going to take. Don’t clutter up the screen so we can’t see who worked on the show we just watched…They deserve to see their names. They actually do the work! What do YOU do? Except come up with bad ideas. Why don’t you just run for office?…And so, let me just say, Merry Christmas to all and watch the blockbuster Fox schedule.”—comedian Lewis Black, just ranting about TV in general.
“Look for Lewis Black this fall–on Valium.”—Ryan Seacrest’s one funny retort of the night.
[IMG:R]”I think you just made Charlie Sheen’s to-do list that’s how great you look.”—Brad Garrett to co-presenter and ’Til Death co-star Joely Fisher.
“This is a little awkward because Teri and I have been going up for the same roles for quite some time now.”—K-Ville‘ s Anthony Anderson to his co-presenter Teri Hatcher.
“Oh, wait a minute, I don’t know about you Mr. Tucci. I have never been cheap. And I’ve never been easy, god knows. And my quotes have always been up which is why I’m so rarely seen on television.”—Elaine Stritch, presenting with Stanley Tucci, who both won Emmys this year for their guest spot appearances.
“If entertainers stop publicly congratulating each other, than the Earth wins!”—Stephen Colbert, on the Emmys ceremony being green.
“Ricky Gervais couldn’t be here tonight, so we are going to give this to our friend, Steve Carell!”—Jon Stewart, after announcing Extras’ Ricky Gervais as best lead actor in a comedy series, to which an excited Carell runs on stage to accept.
Winners
[IMG:L]”I want to thank the parents, child, spouse and gay partner of every person who works on this show for letting us go missing for nine months…and for the dozens and dozens of our viewers.”—Tina Fey, accepting 30 Rock’s win for best comedy series.
“In essence, this is a story about gangsters, who take their kids to college, and putting food on the table. And hell, if this nation was run by gangsters?…maybe it is.”—Sopranos creator David Chase, accepting The Sopranos win for best drama series.
“Sometimes when we’re rolling around in the jungle, and we’re hitting each other and shooting each other, I wonder what it would be like to bake a sheet of cookies on Wisteria Lane…and get one of their checks.”—Lost’s Terry O’Quinn, winning for best supporting actor in a drama series.
[IMG:R]”I want to thank our entire crew. I don’t know any of their names. No, I know all their names and I celebrate them.”—Jeremy Piven, thanking his Entourage crew after winning for best supporting action in a comedy series.
“Here’s to our little engine who finally could.”—new mom Jaime Pressly, tearing up after winning best supporting actress in a comedy series for My Name Is Earl.
[IMG:L]”What a great show this part of the audience has seen tonight. I’m sure this half of the audience will enjoy it next year.” Jon Stewart, joking about the ceremony’s theater-in-the-round set, as he accepts for best variety, musical or comedy program for his The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
“My mother told me I didn’t have a shot in hell of winning tonight, so I don’t have anything prepared. But she’s really a big supporter, loves me a lot.”—Katherine Heigl, winning best supporting actress for drama series for Grey’s Anatomy.
“I do have a speech because Katherine Heigl’s mother said we would win.”—one of Late Night with Conan O’Brien’s writing staff, winning for best writing for a variey, musical or comedy program.
“I never knew an actor who didn’t want to do a Western.”— Broken Trail’s Robert Duvall, winning for best lead actor in a miniseries or movie.
[IMG:R]”I’m going to keep talking until that very dramatic music comes in. I love that…You Americans are very generous people. You are other things as well, some good and some bad, but very generous and I’m so proud to be here…come on music, I’m going on and on…”—Helen Mirren, winning best actress in a miniseries or movie for Prime Suspect: The Final Act.
“[I give this award] Especially to mothers, who stand with open hearts and wait for their children to come home from danger, harm’s way and from war.”—Sally Field, accepting for best lead actress in a drama series for Brothers and Sisters.
[IMG:L]”I just wish for everyone to be able to do what inspires them to change the world”—Ugly Betty’s America Ferrara, accepting for best lead actress in a comedy series.
“I feel like I just stole a pile of money from the mob. And they are sitting right there. Where’s Elaine Stritch when you need her? I’ve been to thousands and thousands of concerts in my life and I can tell you these are the worst seats I’ve ever had.”—James Spader, accepting for best lead actor in a drama series for Boston Legal.
- Advertisement -
