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Direct-to-DVD seems to have become a repository for sequels that have outlived their usefulness in the theaters. Here are the good, the bad and the ugly of sequel-type releases from the last few months — and some aren’t terrible. Learn how Tinker Bell got her wings, why Slap Shot’s Hanson brothers are back on the ice, and whether Milla Jovovich still has the market cornered on kicking Resident Evil zombie butt.
10. Slap Shot 3: The Junior League
Cast: Leslie Nielsen, Jeff Carlson, Steve Carlson, Dave Hanson
The Verdict: What the puck? It’s one thing for Stephen Baldwin to replace Paul Newman in Breaking the Ice, it’s another to wash out the Hanson brothers’ mouths. Yes, Slap Shot’s gone all Mighty Ducks on Charleston Chiefs fans. Now living a Zen-like existence, the bros unretire to coach a junior-league team and save an orphanage from closing. Unfortunately, it’s not all that inspiring to watch these former bad boys teach “feng shui hockey.” And whose idea was it to have Nielsen to play it straight as the town’s mayor? Time for the Zamboni to clean this franchise off the ice.
Special Features: Deleted Scenes; The Making of Slap Shot 3: The Junior Leagues and Hockey Legends features.
Stars: 1 out of 5
KEEP READING: Beethoven’s Big Break [PAGEBREAK]
9. Beethoven’s Big Break
Cast: Jonathan Silverman, Rhea Perlman, Moises Arias, Stephen Tobolowsky, Eddie Griffin
The Verdict: Here’s a novel way of kick-starting a franchise that’s 119 in dog years. This sixth misadventure finds the St. Bernard in Tinseltown making a film called Beethoven. Things get all very Wes Craven’s New Nightmare as Beethoven must win over animal trainer Silverman while his cinematic counterpart torments new owner George Newton (yes, Charles Gordin’s Beethoven character). This allows for the recycling of Beethoven’s funniest moments, though a dognabbing subplot is stolen from Garfield. Kids new to Beethoven will howl with laughter; all others will feel a sense of déjà vu whenever the dog starts slobbering.
Special Features: Commentary with director Mike Elliott, Silverman and Arias; Deleted Scenes; Gag Reel; How Did They Do That?! and Moises Steals the Show features.
Stars: 2 out of 5
KEEP READING: Behind Enemy Lines: Colombia [PAGEBREAK]
8. Behind Enemy Lines: Colombia
Cast: Joe Manganiello, Ken “Mr. Kennedy” Anderson, Yancey Arias, Keith David
The Verdict: Is there any other reason for the WWE to muscle in on the Behind Enemy Lines franchise than to launch Mr. Kennedy’s acting career? The platinum blond wrestler doesn’t embarrass himself as one of several smart-mouthed, trigger-happy Navy SEALs stranded in Colombia following a drug-related massacre, though it’s too early to tell whether he’s going to enjoy Rock-like glory outside the ring. Otherwise, Colombia is pretty much what you expect from another “Leave no man behind” bloodbath — directed in take-no-prisoners fashion by Animal House’s Tim Matheson! — but at least the shift to South America sets it apart from its predecessors.
Special Features: Commentary with Matheson, Manganiello and Mr. Kennedy; The Big Guns: Military Action on Film, Colombia Norte: On Location in Puerto Rico, The Rocket’s Red Glare: Explosions Explained, The Art of the Fall: Stunt Secrets, Comedy in Colombia: Bloopers & Other Relief and Stars with Stripes: Casting Joe & Mr. Kennedy features.
Stars: 2 out of 5
KEEP READING: The Prince & Me 3: A Royal Honeymoon [PAGEBREAK]
7. The Prince & Me 3: A Royal Honeymoon
Voice Cast: Kam Heskin, Chris Geere
The Verdict: Even Luke Mably, who returned for A Royal Engagement when Julia Stiles bolted, appears to have grown tired of this storybook romance. Succeeding him as Prince Edvard of Denmark is Geere, who looks like a younger, geekier, clean-shaven Chris Elliott but possesses the personality of a stale Danish pastry. Heskin, who’s settled into the role of Edvard’s commoner wife Paige, has zero chemistry with Geere as they battle ruthless developers on their honeymoon. Not that this explains the decision to turn the dignified Edvard into the biggest accident-prone fool since Inspector Clouseau. A royal mess.
Special Features: Extended Dance Sequence.
Stars: 2 out of 5
KEEP READING: Another Cinderella Story [PAGEBREAK]
Cast: Selena Gomez, Drew Seeley, Jane Lynch
The Verdict: First, Hilary Duff received the Cinderella treatment. Now another Disney ingénue finds herself inexplicably wooed by the local heartthrob (Seeley). Given the tween-friendly approach and the countless energetic but unmemorable bubblegum-pop anthems Gomez and Seeley belt out, it plays more like a High School Musical-inspired remake than a sequel to Duff’s slight-but-sweet contemporary fairy tale. Gomez, who’s 16 but looks like she’s still in middle school, lacks any enthusiasm for her transformation from bookworm to beauty. Seeley is awfully bland, which makes him perfect to play a nondescript nice-guy pop star. Thank goodness for Christopher Guest regular Lynch. She’s hysterically flighty as the Madonna-type diva who cares for—but mostly torments—Gomez.
Special Features: “Just That Girl” Music Video; Mary: Dancing Ever After, Mary: The Cinderella of the Story, A Pop Star Prince: Joey Parker, The Diva Dominque, and Another Cinderella Story: Sing-A-Long features.
Stars: 2 out of 5
KEEP READING: Anaconda 3: Offspring [PAGEBREAK]
5. Anaconda 3: Offspring
Cast: David Hasselhoff, Crystal Allen, John Rhys-Davies
The Verdict: The Hoff wants himself a pair of snakeskin boots, and that’s what makes this second sequel such cheap and cheesy fun. “Always know the animal before the hunt,” he growls before setting off to kill a genetically altered pregnant snake that’s escaped from Rhys-Davies’ lab. Our hero chews the scenery more than KITT guzzles gas, the special effects are Sci-Fi Channel bad, and the final confrontation opens the door for the forthcoming sequel, Trail of Blood. But unlike the monotonous Hunt for the Blood Orchid, Offspring’s big, hungry anaconda feeds on human snacks early and often. Should anything else matter?
Special Features: none
Stars: 2 out of 5
KEEP READING: Joy Ride: Dead Ahead[PAGEBREAK]
4. Joy Ride: Dead Ahead
Cast: Nicki Aycox, Nick Zano, Kyle Schmid, Laura Jordan, Mark Gibbon
The Verdict: Never break into a serial killer’s home. Or “borrow” his vintage convertible. Yes, Rusty Nail is back — with Gibson replacing Ted Levine — and he’s hell bent on punishing the four young dumb things who dare mess with him. “Heck of a joy ride, isn’t it?” the psychotic trucker growls as he terrorizes Aycox et al. No disagreement there. As much tension as possible is squeezed out of Nail’s cat-and-mouse games, which are more intriguing and elaborately executed than they were in Joy Ride. That said you don’t learn much more about Nail other than he keeps a clean house.
Special Features: Joy Ride 2: The Making of Dead Ahead and Blood and Guts: The “Make-Up” of Horror, and Storyboard-to-Scene Comparison (Scene 118) features.
Stars: 3 out 5
KEEP READING: Tinker Bell[PAGEBREAK]
3. Tinker Bell
Voice Cast: Mae Whitman, America Ferrera, Lucy Liu, Anjelica Huston
Special Features: Magical Guide to Pixie Hollow and Ever Wonder features; “Fly to Your Heart” music video by Selena Gomez; Tinker Trainer DVD-Rom.
Stars: 3 out of 5
KEEP READING: Feast II: Sloppy Seconds[PAGEBREAK]
2. Feast II: Sloppy Seconds
Cast: Jenny Wade, Clu Gulager, Diane Goldner
The Verdict: If the first Feast didn’t fill you up, this Grindhouse-flavored sequel should. Or at least leave you with enough room to digest the upcoming concluding chapter, The Happy Finish. No longer under the scrutiny of Project Greenlight’s cameras, director John Gulager finds himself free to cook up an even bigger, messier and tastier Feast by dropping the first film’s survivors in a town overrun by ravenous monsters. Moving the action away from a single setting has its advantages and disadvantages: Sloppy Seconds lacks Feast’s heightened sense of anxiety, but Gulager goes nuts painting the town red with blood in gleefully demented ways. New parents, though, may not appreciate Gulager’s redefinition of baby food.
Special Features: Commentary with director Gulager et al.; Scared Half to Death Twice: The Making of Feast II and Meet the Gulagers features.
Stars: 3 out of 5
KEEP READING: Resident Evil: Degeneration[PAGEBREAK]
1. Resident Evil: Degeneration
Voice Cast: Alyson Court, Paul Mercier
The Verdict: Don’t smash your PlayStation in frustration — this is not another lousy Paul W.S. Anderson-penned sequel. Director Makaoto Kamiya’s CGI zombie shoot ’em up is set within the videogame universe following Resident Evil 4. Hence gamer favorites Claire Redfield and Leon S. Kennedy (voiced by game staples Court and Mercier) team up to thwart a terrorist plot to spread the T-virus. From the undead attacking an airport to a mutated zombie running amok in a WilPharma lab, Degeneration places an emphasis on action, not gore. The result is fast, fierce and furious — everything the film sequels have sadly failed to be.
Special Features: Resident Evil 5 Video Game and The Generation of Degeneration features; Voice Bloopers; Faux Leon Interview; Character Profiles.
Stars: 4 out of 5
