Here we go again.
Yes, Hollywood continues to suffer from sequelitis. And, in at least two cases this fall, prequelitis.
jackass: number two (Sept. 22)
Predecessor: jackass: the movie ($22.7 million opening; $64.2 million total)
The Bottom Line: Forget shooting himself with a .38: the dumbest thing Johnny Knoxville’s ever done must be The Dukes of Hazzard. No wonder he’s put his unremarkable acting career on hold to reunite with his fellow practitioners of silly human tricks. Who knows what these bone-breaking bad boys have in store for us this time, but surely some wannabe jackass will get hurt recreating one of their hair-brained stunts. Still, if number two is twice as funny, demented and disgusting as jackass, then this sequel should erase the pain caused by such Knoxville disasters as Daltry Calhoun and A Dirty Shame.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (Oct. 6)
Predecessor: Texas Chainsaw Massacre ($28 million opening; $80.5 million total)
The Bottom Line: Sorry, but the tank-topped Jessica Biel’s not back to rev up our chainsaws. Instead, this prequel—starring The Fast and the Furious’ Jordana Brewster—answers everything you wanted to know about Leatherface’s fondness for human flesh but was afraid to ask. Tobe Hooper’s 1974 original spawned three inferior sequels, so it’s smart thinking to follow the 2003 remake with an exploration of Leatherface’s origins. But The Beginning faces killer competition from The Grudge 2, which opens one week later. If audiences prefer ghosts to chainsaw-wielding madmen, Leatherface’s days could be numbered.
The Grudge 2 (Oct. 13)
Predecessor: The Grudge ($39.1 million opening; $110.3 million)
The Bottom Line: The chilly reception afforded Dark Water and Pulse suggests we’re tired of dull, nonsensical remakes of dull, nonsensical J-Horror ghost stories. So it’s all the better that director Takashi Shimizu hasn’t Americanized his Ju-on 2. However, The Ring Two was greeted with apathy because it failed to improve upon its predecessor. The same could happen with The Grudge 2 if that creepy little dead kid hasn’t learned some new tricks. And possibly killing off Sarah Michelle Gellar—as the trailer implies—could backfire if we don’t find a good enough reason to harbor a grudge against her character’s sister, played by Amber Tamblyn.
Saw III (Oct. 27)
Predecessor: Saw II ($31.7 million opening; $87 million total)
The Bottom Line: Another Halloween, another Jigsaw puzzle to solve. Boy, Lionsgate is knocking out Saws faster than Jigsaw can concoct ways to cleverly slaughter his victims. At some point, we’re going to find ourselves fatigued by Jigsaw’s bloody cat-and-mouse games. With a reported $10 million budget, Saw III won’t likely make back 20 times its budget, as the $4 million Saw II did. And even if it does, Jigsaw needs to need a break. If not, he risks becoming as irrelevant as Chucky or Jason Voorhees.
The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (Nov. 3)
Predecessor: The Santa Clause 2 ($29 million opening; $139.2 million total)
The Bottom Line: The family film business hasn’t been so great this year for ex-Home Improvement guru Tim Allen. The Shaggy Dog dug up a modest $61.1 million. Zoom lived up to its name—by disappearing from theaters in a flash after earning just $11.5 million. But Allen should see 2006 out with a ho ho ho. His Santa Clause yarns always enjoy a merry Christmas, and this holiday season should be no exception. Also, if Allen falls on hard times again, expect him to put on his Santa suit a fourth time to reverse his misfortunes.
Casino Royale (Nov. 17)
Predecessor: Die Another Day ($47.3 million opening; $160.9 million total)
The Bottom Line: Time to stop hating on Daniel Craig and let the new—and blonde—James Bond prove he deserves his license to kill. Granted, it’s not going be easy for Craig to follow in the footsteps of Pierce Brosnan, whose four missions each earned more than $100 million. But if the goal is indeed to finally give Bond an edge, then the rough-and-ready Craig could be just the man for this series prequel. If not, don’t be surprised if M revokes Craig‘s 007 designation for the Bond adventure due in 2008.
Van Wilder Deux: The Rise of Taj (Dec. 1)
Predecessor: National Lampoon’s Van Wilder ($7.3 million opening; $21.3 million total)
The Bottom Line: Now it’s Kal Penn’s turn to fight for his right to party. Yes, his fun-lovin’ Taj is back to carry on his mentor’s hedonistic ways. And that sparks many questions. 1. Didn’t Van Wilder bomb? 2. Why is this called Van Wilder Deux if it’s about Taj turning Oxford University into his personal pleasure palace? 3. What does it say about this sequel that it doesn’t bear the National Lampoon brand name? 4. If no one wanted to party with Ryan Reynolds’ Van Wilder, who’s going to want to break open a keg with Penn‘s Taj?
Rocky Balboa (Dec. 22)
Predecessor: Rocky V ($14 million opening; $40.9 million total)
The Bottom Line: Even George Foreman knew to hang up his gloves at age 50. But the 60-year-old Sylvester Stallone’s obviously realizes that this final Rocky represents his best—OK, only—chance to mount a meaningful comeback. If Rocky Balboa comes close to recapturing the glory of his first three bouts, then we’ll cheer him on no matter how ridiculous he looks in the ring. If Rocky Balboa’s nothing but a broken-down bum, like the regrettable Rocky V, Stallone‘s plans for a fourth Rambo could be KOed.
