On Twitter, it can be hard to decide which accounts to follow and which ones are best left unfollowed. Luckily, with hilarious people such as Jim Gaffigan sending out creative tweets every day. Jim uses Twitter for the occassional reply and self-promotion, but for the most part it’s mainly commentary and opinions on a variety of subjects. He talks a lot about his kids and about food which is adorable and relatable for mainy viewers.
1. On losing the Miss Universe Pageant:
I may have lost Miss Universe again but it was such an honor to compete w/ all those classy ladies from all those weird foreign countries.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 26, 2015
2. On preparing for a blizzard:
I still haven’t picked out my outfit for #blizzard15. I’m thinking a pantsuit (corduroy) or my lime green onesie. Thoughts?
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 26, 2015
3. That’s not all he had to say about onesies:
That onesie craze is really taking. I’m starting to see babies wearing them!
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 18, 2015
4. On a certain popular grocery store:
Whole Foods on Sunday is just a refugee camp for people with too much money.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 25, 2015
5. On accidentally ordering the wrong Uber car:
How embarrassing. I just accidentally took an UberXXX
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 24, 2015
6. On Dunkin Donuts’ campaign:
#mydunkinstory I felt really tired & horrible. Then I drank coffee and felt tired & horrible. Then went to bathroom. pic.twitter.com/lPoNkkTlTY
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 22, 2015
7. On reality TV:
Still haven’t heard back on my reality show pitch “So You Think Can Dance While You Cook The Biggest Loser.”
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 20, 2015
8. On his personal parental musings:
If I feel like my kid behaves like a puppy why can’t I feed him dog food?
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 20, 2015
9. On memories of being schooled by son:
Playing catch w/ my 3 year old son. 3-yr-old: You losded! Me: We are playing catch & losded is not even a word. 3-yr-old: Ok but you losded.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 16, 2015
10. Then on what they learn from him:
It’s so cute when my kids imitate me. pic.twitter.com/SzM3Se8cVA
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 2, 2015
11. On how people crack their iPhones:
Whenever someone has a cracked smartphone screen I always think, “They probably broke it when they murdered someone.”
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 17, 2015
12. On a new Olympic sport most of us would be great at:
When is binge watching going to be an Olympic sport? #Teleathlete
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 15, 2015
13. On starting the new year off right:
I’ve successfully eaten pasta every day of 2015! #goals #modeling #vegetableFreeLifestyle
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 8, 2015
14. On the Chipotle experience:
Me: Steak burrito w/ guacamole? I know it’s extra. Lady: Chick or steak? Me: Steak Lady: U want guacamole? Me: Yes Lady: That’s extra Me: ok
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 5, 2015
15. On attractive people’s breath:
Whenever I talk to a really good-looking person with bad breath I always think to myself, “Good. You deserve it.”
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) December 31, 2014
16. Finally, he even comments on the social media site itself:
What is worse? 1) posting a tweet that was supposed to be a DM 2) posting a tweet w/ poor grammar 3) seeking approval from the internet
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 12, 2015
