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Justin Bieber Raps on Chris Brown’s Track, “Ladies Love Me”

If you’re a fan of Justin Beiber, you’re already aware that he appears in Chris Brown’s video, Next to You, where some kind of end of the world is happening. Most of us thought this would be the extent of Brown and Bieber’s collaborations, because presumably, a wholesome lad like Bieber wouldn’t want to go out of his way to line up continuous work for himself with someone who kicks the shit out of women and tries to throw chairs out the window of his dressing room that’s located in a Manhattan highrise building.

But it looks like the collaboration has continued, as Justin Bieber can now be found rapping as Shawty Mane on Brown’s “Ladies Love Me” track off of his new mixtape, Boy in Detention. I know that’s a lot of information I just unloaded on you, so let’s take it one step at a time. First of all, Shawty Mane is about the best thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life, and I’ve heard a lot of best things before. But this one is the BEST best thing I’ve ever heard. In other words, of all the things that I’ve deemed the best things ever, the MC name of Shawty Mane is the best of the best. It wins. It’s even better than those floral arrangements that are made out of fruit that don’t ever go bad, or those cigarettes that allow people to smoke water vapor so they don’t have to be embarrassed about suddenly wanting to get healthy. Another great thing about this project is that the song is called “Ladies Love Me,” and it’s sung by Chris Brown. Who beats up women! It’s complete irony, and not even the wrong kind like Alanis Morrissette’s kind of irony! A guy singing a song about how the ladies love him even though he beats ladies up is irony! Get it? Because he beats them up, so they obviously don’t love him! And then the other great thing about this song is that Justin Bieber raps on it! It doesn’t seem like Justin Bieber has entirely thought this through, because he usually sings songs about making girls happy and being the good guy, and he seems to enjoy singing that kind of stuff, so it’s kind of confusing that he’d suddenly want to collaborate on a track called “Ladies Love Me” when the other dude in the song beats chicks up! Maybe Bieber should stop thinking about when he can meet up with his dad and get matching Hebrew tattoos so much and spend a little bit more time considering how weird it is that he a) sing anything that’s not “One Less Lonely Girl,” and b) lend his talents to a MIXTAPE (?!?!) that belongs to someone who beats up women that has a song on it called “Ladies Love Me” (?!?!? x 99). Notice how there’s no “c)”?  That’s because Justin Bieber’s MC name of Shawty Mane isn’t weird, which means we can’t call it weird.

 

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