I’m not sure if I should be writing this, but I’m going to let you in on a little secret: movies and TV shows about spies aren’t as fanciful as you may think. I can’t attest as to the skills of our government’s more covert employees, but I can tell you that having sexy super spies isn’t that much of a stretch. If you ever happen to find yourself walking down the hallways of a certain Northern Virginia building housing a certain three letter agency, you’ll instantly see what I’m talking about. Within those walls are an alarming amount of women who look like they could be part time models and men who look like they just got done beating up Jason Bourne.
Granted, I’m sure that most of them are just analysts whose closest contact with spies is the watching them on shows like La Femme Nikita (which is about to be reborn on the CW as simply Nikita, with Maggie Q taking over the role of the memory-challenged spy), but it’s still surprising how many attractive people work in the US intelligence community. So in honor of our Government’s admirable attempts to fill the world with sexy spies, I present my picks (in no particular order) for the seven sexiest super spies from film and TV.
Sydney Bristow in ABC’s Alias
Granted Jennifer Garner as Sydney Bristow in JJ Abrams’ beloved spy series Alias is an obvious choice for a list like this, but she’s obvious for a reason: she basically role plays as a different woman every week and kicks ass. It’s kind of hard to resist that combination.
Jinx Johnson in MGM’s Die Another Day
Even though Die Another Day is arguably the worst of the Brosnan-era Bond movies (though The World is Not Enough comes a close second thanks to the the laugh track that is Denise Richards’ credibility as a scientist), I just can’t bring myself to hate it simply because Halle Berry plays the mysterious US spy, Jinx Johnson. Her chief skill as a spy seems to involve A) looking good and B) looking good while jumping off things, but that’s okay; it’s not like this list is called Top 10 Spies Who Do Their Job With Subtlety.
Zhen in Paramount Pictures’ Mission: Impossible III
I’m cheating a bit since Maggie Q’s upcoming Nikita was the main motivation for this list, but damn if she doesn’t kick a lot of ass in Mission: Impossible III as well. She’s not as much of a blatant knockout as Berry or Garner, but her more seasoned look works to her advantage. She’s one of the few gals on this list who looks like they could beat up some terrorists even after the director yells cut.
Xenia Onatopp in MGM’s Goldeneye
Not all spies need to be American based to look good. Famke Janssen proved that as Xenia Onatopp, who is likely one of the most lethal sexual partners James Bond has ever had. But not only does she look good in a Russian uniform, the body count she racks up proves she’s a bit more intimidating than most of her peers.
Vanessa Kensington in Austin Powers
Austin Powers was one lucky swinger. His partners in the later films (Heather Graham and Beyonce) are certainly nothing to sneeze at, but Elizabeth Hurley is hands down the winner of the metaphorical catfight between the threesome to see who is the sexiest spy. It’s the accent, of course, that puts Hurley over the top.
Sarah Walker in NBC’s Chuck
I’ll admit I’m not big of a fan of NBC’s Chuck, but that’s because I’ve never really given the show a fair chance. I only watched the first few episodes before losing interest, but I consistently hear how much fun it is. That may indeed be the case, but if I were a betting man, I’d wager that the majority of the infatuation of the show is due entirely to the beautiful Yvonne Strahovski and the many outfits she wears each episode. (Plus she gets bonus points in my book for having voiced Miranda in Mass Effect 2.)
Black Widow in Paramount Pictures’ Iron Man 2
Black Widow didn’t really do a ton of spying in Iron Man 2. She kind of just popped up from time to time to annoy Tony Stark, so she’s not exactly the queen of surveillance. But man does Scarlett Johansson look great in a black leather suit while she pummels a bunch of goons. Let’s just hope she has an even larger role when The Avengers rolls around.
