When Twitter first launched in 2006, most tweets fell firmly in the “overshare” category. But it has since grown from a veritable dream journal and catalogue of breakfast foods to the most up-to-the-minute news (and celebrity gossip) source for 500 million users. And now, six years after its inception, Twitter has evolved again as we’ve come to realize that Twitter accountholders need not be actual people. And I don’t mean in the I’m-going-to-pretend-to-be-your-ex-to-get-revenge-on-you-for-stealing-my-man type of faux account, I mean the ironic, satirical kind. Here are the top 10 fake Twitter accounts that kept us in stitches all through 2012.
The Tilda Swinton imagined in this faux account is a supernova of cosmic forces, the ultimate Mother Nature, or, as the account’s description puts it, “a collection of universal energy.” On November 1, after 235 hilariously dramatic tweets, Tilda left our human realm, maybe for good, with a simple, final “Goodnight.”
A mission for you.Go outside, hold an animal to your breast.That is real warmth, not the glow of your screen.I typed this on a rabbit.
— Tilda Swinton (@NotTildaSwinton) May 22, 2012
Hung my skin up on a branch to dry after the rain. I’ll remember how tender these gusts felt on my skeleton, long after I return tomorrow.
— Tilda Swinton (@NotTildaSwinton) October 30, 2012
When Angelina Jolie exposed her right leg with a flourish of her Oscar gown’s skirt, the Internet struck comedy gold.
Behold: it’s me!!
— Angelina Jolie’s Leg (@AngiesRightLeg) February 27, 2012
Favorite Radiohead album? The King of Limbs.
— Angelina Jolie’s Leg (@AngiesRightLeg) March 8, 2012
In which the Austrian filmmaker and screenwriter best known for his dark and disturbing work is a leetspeaking cat lover.
not namin names but a film direktor friend of mine just used the word ‘boobylicious’ on words wiv friends lol #meluncholia
— Michael Haneke (@Michael_Haneke) December 5, 2012
mimickin my cat 4 the day. he hates wen i do this lol #catmimic
— Michael Haneke (@Michael_Haneke) December 8, 2012
The Royal Fetus Twitter account first appeared with the initial rumors of Kate Middleton’s pregnancy in April of 2011, but the real tweets didn’t begin until Kate confirmed her pregnancy on December 3 of this year.
I EXIST!!!!!
— Royal Fetus (@RoyalFetus) December 3, 2012
I know you’re all wondering: the royal uterus smells of gin and baby powder. Also carrots? Kind of. #royalbaby
— Royal Fetus (@RoyalFetus) December 3, 2012
“I like alcohol and math, usually at the same time. When that occurs, I have a 90.9% of being awesome!”
I’m 81.2% certain who let the dogs out. #DrunkNateSilver
—Drunk Nate Silver (@nateDRUNKsilver) November 10, 2012
I frequently wander supermarket aisles with a sharpie, changing expiration dates. #DrunkNateSilver
— Drunk Nate Silver (@nateDRUNKsilver) November 9, 2012
Inspired by Clint Eastwood’s now-infamous stunt at the Republican National Convention, Invisible Obama imagines that we only thought that chair was empty.
One nation! Under God! Invisible!
— Invisible Obama (@InvisibleObama) August 31, 2012
If I was a Droid, my name would be C-Thru-B-O.
— Invisible Obama (@InvisibleObama) September 1, 2012
When Zooey Deschanel doesn’t understand how the world works, she knows just where to turn. Zooey and Siri, BFFLs.
Siri, how do you say “lasagna” in Spanish?
— Zooey Asks Siri (@ZooeySiri) October 2, 2012
Siri, how many swimming pools would it take to fill the ocean?
— Zooey Asks Siri (@ZooeySiri) September 8, 2012
It’s like he’s reading our minds! Sergeant Brody knows just what we’re thinking when watching Homeland.
“Hey dad, this CIA safehouse is really cool! TV’s in every room!!!” – My son, the idiot. #FuckMe
— Nicholas Brody (@SergeantBrody) November 26, 2012
Big surprise, Mike Faber posted that stupid Facebook privacy thing on his timeline #Doofus
— Nicholas Brody (@SergeantBrody) November 26, 2012
Where the musings of Kim Kardashian and the philosophical teachings of Søren Kierkegaard meet.
A fire has been set to the tinder which is in your soul. It’s bright and classic and adds a pop of color to your fall look.
— KimKierkegaardashian (@KimKierkegaard) October 18, 2012
The prodigious heaviness of anxiety weighs down your soul. Don’t beat yourself up-we all gain a few pounds here or there during the holidays
— KimKierkegaardashian (@KimKierkegaard) November 28, 2012
Boy, does this take us back to 1999. These lyrics, like, really get me.
it’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a FUCKING KNIFE I HATE EVERYTHING NO ONE TALK TO ME.
— your away message (@YourAwayMessage) December 4, 2012
•*•love starts with a hug, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear•*• – unknown
— your away message (@YourAwayMessage) October 18, 2012
Bonus! Because it’s too good not to acknowledge once again…
Inspired by the Mayor of New York’s terrible Spanish accent, this account was created when Bloomberg decided to do his own translating during Hurricane Irene. As the skies cleared, we thought we had seen the end of Miguel Bloombito — but not so! Thanks, Sandy for helping El Bloombito make a comeback!
Muchos truckos de foodo esta distributingo free mealos to los personas que affectedo by el Sandy. Que Luncha Libre!
— Miguel Bloombito (@ElBloombito) November 10, 2012
Los shuttles de voto will que givero los free rides to el pollo!
— Miguel Bloombito (@ElBloombito) November 6, 2012
Follow Abbey Stone on Twitter @abbeystone
[Photo Credit: WENN]
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