‘Jersey Shore’ Recap: Sammi and Ronnie Reunite

S4:E3 We’re now into the third week of our Jersey Shore crew inhabiting Italy! Isn’t it going by fast and doesn’t it seem like all they’re doing is sleeping and eating and looking for outlets!? But I guess that’s all they ever did when they were in Jersey and Miami. So I guess they’re making great use of their time then! Except this time, there are lots of pigeons, I guess? I don’t know. It seems like they’re doing all the same stuff, but it’s weird because I used to feel like this season was better than last season, and all the other seasons. But it’s strange because now that I think about it, I can’t really differentiate between the seasons. Whatever, I guess. I’ve learned I can’t do a lot of other things since watching this show, so maybe what I’m experiencing is just a natural progression.

“I’m supposed to be wearing glasses but I’m not doing that because then I would look really ugly.” – Snooki

(Then she would look really ugly! Oh yes, after putting on a pair of glasses, THEN she would look ugly. I stand corrected) Last night’s episode began with Ronnie and Snooki bonding over their love of going to the gym drunk and having the trainers there teach them new workouts in Italian while they press their penises into their backs. But before they set out to get their one day’s worth of exercise, they went to eat and Snooki asked Ronnie if he was going to have sex with Sam and then get back together with her. Ronnie said he didn’t know yet, but what he did know was he was avoiding talking to Sam about it and oh, I see, this is the EXACT SAME SHOW that it always has been. Ronnie even listed off a bunch of questions that he was planning on asking Sammi, and they were ideas like “Are we going to explore Italy together?” and “Am I moving on?” and “Are you moving on?” In other words, ALL QUESTIONS THAT WERE SUPPOSEDLY ALREADY ANSWERED! And so it was hilarious to see that we’re, essentially, right back where we started and that after Sammi and Ronnie cried to each other about broken glasses and grinded with other people and screamed “I HATE YOU!” through doorframes, they’re contemplating “exploring Italy” together.

“I’m not jealous, I’m not anything. I just want you to have fun in Florence, Italy, you know?” – Sammi

At the club, Sammi drunkenly wobbled over to Ronnie and told him that she wasn’t mad at him or anything and that even though she was having fun in Italy, she missed him and wanted to talk to him about getting back together. Ronnie scolded her for being drunk and talking about their relationship, and promised that they’d discuss their status tomorrow at lunch. While this was happening, Deena met up with a waiter she met earlier in the day and started hooking up with him and grinding her buttocks on him, which he seemed to enjoy. The Situation also met up with his Brittney (who he’s deemed to be “the most DTF girl” he’s ever met) and her twin, Erica. But since he’d rather hook up with girls he’s never hooked up with before, he told the twins to meet up with him at the end of the night (they were his back-up plan, you see). However, he couldn’t find them when he was outside the club and getting into a taxi, so when he got back to the house he kicked Snooki off the phone with her father to call the twins. But as he was dialing, he hilariously told her while kissing her neck that he wouldn’t be calling other women if she weren’t in a relationship with her boyfriend. But the main action was taking place in the living room, because Vinny was complaining that he wasn’t going to get to sleep in his bed because Deena was in his room on her bed and hooking up with her waiter. She kept shouting about how it was a nonissue and that if he brought a girl home, she wouldn’t care where she slept? I think? There’s a lot of echo in that house.

“Is Mike there?” – Brittney

The next morning, Brittney aggravated the roommates by repeatedly calling the house asking for Mike. But he was sleeping so he never answered the phone, and finally, Ronnie pretended he was Mike and in order to prank him, he invited Brittney and her twin over to the house to ambush him. So then the twins showed up and popped into Mike’s room as he was getting ready, and he made a face that a person makes when they learn that some people are allergic to peanuts. As he was leaving to take Brittney and womb-mate out to breakfast, he passed Snooki, who was sitting on the phone and talking to her boyfriend and Snooki made it clearly known that she was pissed Mike was going out with them. The Sitch tried his best to silently convey that it wasn’t his doing, but she wasn’t very convinced. At the same time, Ronnie took Sammi to a beautiful rooftop so they could have lunch together and discuss their status as housemates who drink and have sex and then tell everyone the next morning it was dumb but keep it a secret that they enjoyed it. Sammi explained that she was a different person than the one she was in Jersey and said she knew what she wanted in life and she promised that she’d stop being so annoying. That seemed to be enough for Ronnie, because pretty soon they were kissing on the balcony and talking about how Sammi needed a breath mint.

“I said if Ron and Sam got back together after all their bullshit, I’d kill myself. When you’re thinking suicide over someone else’s relationship, that’s how bad it is.” – Pauly

Snooki was the only housemate happy to learn that Sammi and Ronnie had gotten back together, and that was only because openly admitted to finding house drama entertaining. So everyone went out to the club and had a fantastic time beating up the beat, until the twins encountered Mike and latched onto him. He was proud of the way he adapted to their continuously close proximity to him, and figured that if anything, he could get a threesome out of it. But as he was getting ready to lead the two of them out of the club and back to his house, Deena pulled “the prettier twin” aside and started making out with her. The Situation stood off to the side with “the not-as-pretty twin” and told her he didn’t like that Deena was impeding his plan to get situated. Back at the house, as Ronnie was eating pasta with Jenni and Sammi, he told them how Mike told him that he had sex with Snooki in Los Angeles once. Jenni immediately ran over to Snooki and told her that Mike had told them all that she’d cheated on Jionni with Mike, and so Snooki raced over to Mike and started screaming at him about why he would make up such a terrible lie about her cheating on Jionni with him. Mike carefully said he didn’t tell everyone in the house, and Snooki couldn’t understand why he’d make up something so untrue and eventually walked away from him. But then she walked back to him and continued yelling about how much of a hateful person he is to make up something so disgusting, and Mike just kept stepping further back and further back and insisting that they had sex two months ago.

“I’m a little disappointed that you told people.” – Mike

Once everyone was in their separate corners, Ronnie went over to Snooki and asked what really happened between The Sitch and her. She said that one night in L.A., Mike tried to hook up with her but that she dismissed him. Ronnie said that even if she did hook up with Mike, she should tell her boyfriend Jionni about the argument anyway because he was going to find out anyway and it would be best if he found out from her. Then Ronnie went into the kitchen and Mike met up with him and scolded Ronnie for leaking the news. On the porch with the pigeons, Snooki sat down with Jenni and cried over the prospect of losing Jionni, and The Situation finally hooked up with one of the twins (who’d spent the last twenty minutes of this episode wandering around the house like a pigeon that couldn’t find his way back to the courtyard). Snooks, on the other hand, cried herself to sleep.