Most teenagers would take being cast as a popular girl who terrorizes Lindsay Lohan in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen as a sign that they might be kind of hot.
However, in the March issue of MIAMI Magazine, Megan Fox says that when she was younger she had no inkling that in a few short years she’d receive one of Hollywood’s highest honors: The title of FHM’s Sexiest Woman in the World.
“I was never the pretty girl,” Fox, 25, tells the magazine, adding that as a teen she was “abrasive” and “obnoxious.”
Fox explains that while growing up she didn’t have mainstream interests and felt like a “loner,” raising the possibility that there may be some photos floating around of Fox dolled up in a Princess Leia bikini. That may sound pretty enticing if you too lived on the fringes of high school society, but Fox has made some other oddball comments that may give you pause:
1) In June 2007, Fox told FHM: “I’m horrible to live with. I don’t clean. My clothes end up wherever I take them off. I forget to flush the toilet. Friends will tell me, ‘Megan, you totally pinched a loaf in my toilet and didn’t flush.’” So if you’re planning on shacking up with Fox, be sure you can afford a (non-judgemental) maid.
2) And you’ll also need to stock up on Glade. In October 2008 Fox quipped to GQ, “If you eat Chinese food, your farts come out like Chinese food. If you eat Mexican food, your farts come out like Mexican food. And milk, it’s like—you can smell the warmth in the fart. My wardrobe on Transformers always smells like farts, and I have no idea why.”
3) Fox is prone to pot-induced rambling that doesn’t sound quite so deep if you’re in a sober state. Here’s a sample from Esquire: “Ok, well let me tell you what [High School Musical] is really about. High School Musical is about this group of boys who are all being molested by the basketball coach, who is Zac Efron’s dad. It’s about them struggling to cope with this molestation. And they have these little girlfriends, who are their beards. Oh, and somehow there’s music involved. You have to get stoned to watch it.”
4) As Fox explained on the red carpet at the Golden Globes in 2009, she looks exactly like Alan Alda. “I am pretty sure I am a doppelganger for Alan Alda. I’m a tranny. I’m a man. I’m so painfully insecure. I’m on the verge of vomiting now. I am so horrified that I am here, and embarrassed. I’m scared.” Prepare for sexy time to start resembling a M*A*S*H porn parody.
5) According to Rolling Stone, her vagina may put on a Jason mask and jump out of the closet with a chainsaw: “[My secret is] a powerful, confident vagina. Men are scared of vaginas. [A woman is most powerful when she is] completely in charge of her sexuality.”
Of course, by all accounts Fox is happily married to Brian Austin Green, and there’s pretty much no chance that she’ll be hooking up with a random fan. So for the time being, feel free to keep enjoying your Alan Alda-free Megan Fox fantasies.
Click on the image below for more Megan Fox photos: