Robert De Niro On ‘SNL’: The Skits You Missed

There are quite a few things I expect from myself that I do not expect from Robert De Niro. First off, I always confuse Robert De Niro for Jack Nicholson. Sometimes, I call Robert De Niro “Jack De Niro,” or “Robert Nicholson.” I do not expect Robert De Niro to make this mistake because he owns restaurants and has been married several times. Second, I am the one who puts gum in places I’m not supposed to (like under desks and in other people’s coat pockets) when I’m done with it, which is why I almost never have gum and don’t trust myself with since I’ve started fantasizing about putting it on a skinny teenager’s chihuahua one day. I do not expect Robert De Niro to have this problem because he (probably) does not chew gum. But if he did, I’m sure he could stick it into the pores of someone’s nipple and they’d be fine with it. Finally, I get nervous about everything, including things I’ve done before – like writing something in a word document. I did not expect Robert De Niro to be similar to me in this way, but it’s clear that he is because when he hosted Saturday Night Live this weekend for the third time, he stuttered several times…which indicates either a) he was nervous or b) simply did not care. Let’s try and figure out which one is the most likely senario.

The monologue was pretty bad because it was just Robert De Niro trying to show us how much he loves NYC by referencing places in Florida, California, and elsewhere. I get that Seth Meyers probably said “hey, De Niro is unmistakably NYC. What if we address this, but highlight his age by making him seem like one of those old people who blends a story about existing before there were seat belts with one about programming a DVR?” Anyway, not so great.

“Blizzard Man” was solid. Diddy tried to soothe Kristen Wiig’s worries that his album was behind schedule by talking about this guy who was coming over to help them out. However, we’ve seen it before. What we haven’t seen though, is De Niro in Austin Powers-colored camouflage sticking it to Diddy.

“It’s a Living” had one really great moment. But that’s it, really.

So yes, De Niro seems to be game, as evidenced by the assumed amount of times he practiced introducing Diddy as the musical guest. But here is where he started to lose it. The first gaffe happens around 20 seconds in, and basically continues right on through.

We got a surprise in “What Up With That?” from Robin Williams, who did next to nothing and it was a waste, especially because we didn’t even get to see his socks (which are usually quite nice). Robert De Niro continued with his typical intimidation schtick. The funny part came when De Niro was angered by the music that was playing while he was talking, and it must have been a reference to Kanye appearing on the Today Show and yelling at Matt Lauer for rolling audio from a tape while he was trying to answer a question.

The Kardashian sisters took a pretty hard hit during Weekend Update about their credit card that was meant for children.

And finally, De Niro was shocked to learn there was one person in the universe who was willing to give him shit for Analyze That.

Overall, not terrible. Not even a little terrible. I kind of petered out after a while, but it had some nice cameos, some original sketches and Robert De Niro with boobs and an ass that Lorne Michaels said he could thrust up against Diddy’s junk…which has to be in improvement over telling January Jones to act like she just farted.