S2:E15 Last night’s Jersey Shore was the second episode the gang spent back at the shore, and some really cute things happened, like everyone went to the boardwalk and rode the rides together like a family and then they had a nice big Sunday dinner together. But oh, hang on, I was looking at my toenails while I was typing that and not paying attention because Sammi kept being a little bitch all through this episode too! Let’s go back and see how.
“How many times did I try and tell you that Ronnie was cheating on you, dumbass?” – Snooki
The second this episode started, Sammi was bashing Snooki for writing the note that detailed how Ronnie was cheating on her. Jenni was the Heath Ledger in this A Knight’s Tale and stepped in to defend Snooki’s honor, which climaxed with Sammi yanking a big chunk of Jenni’s REAL hair out of her head. Snooki screamed that Sammi was an idiot because she tried to tell her that her boyfriend was cheating on her FIVE TIMES (you’ll recall that the normal person amount of tries is only two). While Sammi and Ronnie were working things out on the porch outside their bedroom and thinking of all the things they should have said, Snooki and Deena were back to having fun, which was evidenced by Snooki daring herself to climb inside Deena’s suitcase and the two of them mimicking Roombas on the shag carpet in the living room.
She is a parasite, and I am the host. – Vinny
That night, the group went to Karma to see the bouncers they hadn’t seen in a year and to get some free drinks (you know if the cast is smart enough capitalize on people’s demand for their slippers and vodka, then the cast must know where they can go to find groupies who will buy them cocktails so they’re allowed to sluttily recreate the collapse of the London bridge against them). Vinny had a particularly rough night because a girl in a blue skirt (that I’m pretty sure I have, too) followed him everywhere and was never more than a Ramen noodle’s distance away from him. It got so bad that he tried educating her on how she was following him in hopes of getting her to stop out of embarrassment. But that failed too. Stay tuned for her interview Jezebel, explaining how disgusted she is with her portrayal on the show.
She’s like a party in a body. Take her home. – Deena
Deena persuaded The Situation to bring home a certain girl, but the problem was that Vinny didn’t find a girl for himself. So upon arriving back at the house, an unspoken competition ensued and both of them started suggestively pushing the girl onto the various reclining couches, because when girls are that drunk, shoving them onto things and jostling their brain inside their skulls makes them want to do it with you ASAP. Once she was led upstairs, The Situation thought he was going to be the one to get with her but as he was changing into his ‘jams, Vinny swiped her out from under him and led her into the guest bedroom, which he proceeded to lock. The Situation knocked on the door confusingly, and then he did that thing where he walks around like a chicken looking for his feed, but it’s actually right in front of him and he’s too stupid to see it because he’s a chicken.
Is new girl coming? If they invite her, not gonna let that fly. – Sammi
The Situation got the idea to gather everyone and go to the boardwalk and ride the rides. He approached Ronnie with the idea and once he and Sammi agreed to go, The Situation told them not to leave before everyone was ready because he was sick of them leaving on their own and doing things that didn’t include the whole group. He left to go round everyone up and Sammi began to sulk once she realized that Deena was probably going too. Once everyone was having fun and riding the rides that would even make the cotton candy guy (whose job it is to spin the paper cone around and around inside the cotton machine day in and day out) nauseous, Sammi was off to the side sulking because Ronnie was hanging out with the group and she couldn’t do that without breaking her angry exterior.
Like, I fucked up in Miami. I’m not proud of what I did. At all. But at least I came home to you. – Ronnie
At the end of the episode, Sammi and Ronnie went up on the deck again and talked about the same old shit they always talk about, which is why Sammi is such a fucking Sourpatch Kid that never gets sweet. Ronnie told her he was madly in love with her and admitted that he screwed up and lied to her for the two months they were in Miami, but said that none of his actions should matter because at least he crawled into Sammi’s bed every night and at least she was the one he came home to. Sammi was disgusted with that comment, and said she’d rather Ronnie cut her off completely than be the one collecting all the juices that were excreted from the pores of the different women he’d spent the day with. Ronnie slowly lost his temper with Sammi, and the episode ended with her dramatically saying that she was “sick.”
This episode was actually a turning point in the season. After Ronnie was only associating himself with Sammi and after he completely abandoned the rest of his friends in the house for her, he slowly started to realize that Sammi will never trust him again and there’s no point in staying with her since she’s never going to forgive him. Sammi also kind of realized she wasn’t ever going to get over the way Ronnie treated her in Miami, which means they’re probably going to break up sometime soon. Let’s just hope Snooki and Deena keep re-enacting what it would be like to be a Roomba if we’re going to have to sit through Sammi and Ronnie’s mediation sessions over who gets which stuffed animal.
