If you’re reading this with bleary, blurry eyes, either you also stayed up until the wee hours of the morning to get every last bit of information about President Barack Obama‘s re-election…or you’re in Colorado. Either way, television’s news anchors and pundits kept you informed, infuriated, and entertained throughout the entire historic night. So how did they fare on a night that was filled with high emotions, mixed messages, and long hours? We ranked the anchors, pundits, politicians, and — in the case of Comedy Central — wise guys who covered 2012’s election night.
Key soundbite: “Presisismddpsimd Obakmsamamand rabble rabble…no, you’re drunk George Snuffleupagus” Okay, so that’s an exaggeration. But the typically poised Sawyer did seem a little out of sorts during the broadcast, speaking slowly and sometimes slurring her words.
Political leaning: Sawyer is good about staying unbiased, but she certainly was leaning last night.
A star is re-born: Sawyer is one of the most respected, beloved journalists in the biz, but with the reaction she received on the Internet, particularly with social media, should make her a new kind of breakout star.
Score: A- for entertainment, DD for getting home.
Best line of the night:
Tie: “That happened” in response to Donald Trump
‘s manic post-Obama victory Twitter rant and “What about Mallowmars?” when discussing possible munchies for the folks of Colorado.
Generation gap: Yes, hip youths, that is Marnie from Girls‘ dad.
Not only did Williams dominate network news coverage, but he did it just says after he did an excellent job on the Hurricane Sandy telethon
Score: A+. Obama wasn’t the only winner last night, Williams was the evening’s best anchor to stay informed with. A pro in every sense of the word, Williams keeps it informational without getting stale, funny without veering off course, and up-to-the-minute.
Best line of the night: “I’m so excited…I’m so excited…I’m so….scared!” The most excitable man in cable news, Wolf seemed like he needed a tranquilizer to the neck by 8 PM.
Worst moment of the night: All those inane graphics and not one single hologram appearance?!
Secret weapons: Anderson Cooper and James Carville. Sure, The Wolf can get annoying, but it’s hard to stay mad when The Silver Fox and Foghorn Leghorn are around.
Score: C. Take a chill pill, Wolfie. Or seven.
Network: Fox News
Political leaning: About as far to the right as one can get.
A river in Egypt: Kelly and the whole Fox News, particularly one Karl Rove team we’re paddling down from the highest point on Bulls*** Mountain.
Score: Inconclusive. Hold on…not all the numbers are in yet, you guys! Give us like another hour. YOU GUYS, WAIT UP. IT’S NOT OVER.
Political leaning: To the left, to the left.
Key soundbite: “This is a remarkable thing.” No, she didn’t say that about Obama’s re-election, rather Fox News collapsing in on itself.
Gloat factor: High. No one had more reason to spike the metaphorical football last night than Maddow and MSNBC. Well, maybe Nate Silver.
Score: B+. If you’re a fan of Maddow, you weren’t disappointed by her brand of humor and knowledge about politics. If you’re not a fan of Maddow, you were watching Fox News.
Network: Comedy Central
Best line of the night: “Well it looks tonight like, in Missouri, Claire McCaskill has legitimately raped Todd Akin. Electorally speaking, obviously.”
Hey, wha happen?: Mere seconds after Stewart announced the historic news that Obama had been re-elected, he started chatting it up with Hologram George Washington. Funny? Sure. But it made the whole thing feel very anticlimactic. In that moment viewers were clamoring for more and The Daily Show went on like business as usual.
B. This would have made for a great regular, but for those who tuned in for a much-needed alternate to cable news didn’t find it here. Stewart and The Daily Show gang packed plenty of laughs, but viewers thirsty for re-election facts and celebration had to tune back. Stephen Colbert
, on the other hand, earned a solid A+ for his live broadcast, which riffed on Fox News’ freakout and featured one of the best send-offs of the night. Give the man his damn Emmy already.
Best line of the night: “I’m Scott Pelley.” Sure, that should do it.
Okay, we’ll admit it: We never flipped to CBS at any point in the night in fear that we’d accidentally somehow wind up watching an episode of Two Broke Girls.
Final score: Brian Williams and Stephen Colbert earn the highest grades of the night. Heh, high. Amiright, Colorado?
Who do you think did the best job during last night’s coverage? Share in the comments section.
[Photo credit: ABC Television Network]