Florence Henderson Wants To ‘Kerrigan’ Opponents On DWTS: Late Last Night

Florence Henderson, who Jay Leno helpfully pointed out to us is currently the oldest contestant on Dancing with the Stars (as if the grainy re-runs of The Brady Bunch were hatefully deceptive), and Jay asked her who she wanted to “Nancy Kerrigan” out of the competition. She went through and basically named everyone, and said how great it would be if she were one of the final two dancers because funny things happen, like people getting injured. COUGH IN YOUR FACE, PICK UP ON THE JOKE ALREADY.

Diane Lane told Jimmy Fallon about how much Secretariat’s heart weighed. DIANE LANE YOU ARE BORING. TELL US MORE ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD THIEVERY!

David Letterman spoke to Julie Chen about meeting President Obama, and how he told off her husband for reminding him of his name. And the poor guy hadn’t even had a few drinks in him so he could make a Hussein joke back or anything!

Jon Stewart wondered how likely it is that the Democrats will loose the Senate to the Republicans in the midterm elections (their pillage of the House is already pretty likely). Personally, I’m much more interested in if Kate Beckinsale ever regrets her relationship with Michael Sheen now that she’s with Len Wiseman. But the Democratic seats are in crazy danger of being lost to women like Sharron Angle, who seems to be delightful on all counts, and the sweet heavenly voice of acceptance with which she speaks is lined with glitter.

And Stephen Colbert talked about how the government raided Rawesome Foods (WITH LL COOL J-SIZED SWAT GUNS) in Venice, California because they were selling raw milk and the police didn’t want any raw camel, cow or goat milk sliding through the heavenly gate of a child’s lips…especially if they’d been “being a pill,” as my mother would say.