I bet you tuned into Keeping Up with the Kardashians tonight hoping to find everyone was back in the states, leaning over one iPad and remembering all of the good times they had together in Bora Bora. And then you were totally shocked to see the entire gang was still lollygagging around on the beaches, drinking red wine and fighting over whose career is the bestest. But since it was the second to last episode of the season, some pretty significant things actually did happen: Bruce and Kris renewed their wedding vows (even though last week Kris didn’t want to because she hated her body so much), Kourtney finally called Scott out for his drinking, Kendall and Kylie started experimenting with alcohol, Kris and Kim spent some time on a boat with champagne and they said they loved each other, Rob had a meltdown because he didn’t know what he was going to do with his life, and Kris FINALLY asked Bruce’s permission to marry Kim. But let’s take it one step at a time.
“You’re being an ass.” – Kim
The episode began with Rob pitching a hissy fit because he saw Kim criticize the staff at the resort in Bora Bora, and so he called her a whore, and Kim responded by calling him bi-polar (Kim will cut you deep!). Kris eventually sat up in his lawn chair, totally ready to stand up for Kim, and this upset Rob even more because Kris wasn’t part of the family yet and so he didn’t believe it was fair for Kris to be taking sides in family fights. So that irritated Rob even more, and then he did what men do when they’re angry, which is go for runs (even though the last run they went on was when lead was actually used in pencils). Then Kris (the mom) came over to the scene and Kim explained that Rob was bi-polar, and how unacceptable it was that he’d call his sister a whore and that she really needed to do something about her son. Kris (the mom) agreed that she would work on him, but only after they all had the chance to point and laugh at his decision to go for a run. Once things had calmed down, Kris (the giant) asked Kris (the mom) if he could have her permission to put his hands on her son the next time he called Kim a whore, and even though Kris (the mom) didn’t give it, this started up a whole big thing about how Kris (the giant) doesn’t have the right to get in the middle of family fights just yet.
“Nothing pains me more than knowing you’re unhappy.” – Kris J
This season, Kris (the mom) realized she’s been neglecting her mom duties to Rob, Kendall or Kylie because they don’t have careers and she can’t charge then for 10% of their earnings yet. But she made an effort to be a mom to Rob when she talked to him in his hotel room and asked him what his problem was. Rob said his issue was that all of his friends had careers, were going to grad school, or all had jobs, and here he was in Bora Bora with his family, no girlfriend, and unwanted pudge on his body. Kris (the mom) started to cry because Rob’s reasons for being unhappy were pretty legitimate and compelling, and so she agreed that when they’d get back to the states, she’d help him figure out what he was supposed to do with his life. I can’t wait to see what kind of career a stint on Dancing with the Stars will lead to!
“Rob is a good guy. He didn’t want his sisters to get in trouble.” – Bruce
As a joke, Kendall and Kylie decided to steal some of Rob’s beer. So they went into his room, took two whole boxes of Heineken, and then waddled down the docks with them back to their room. Once they were safely behind closed doors, they fiddled around with trying to figure out how to actually open a bottle of beer (since they didn’t know how to actually use a bottle opener), and they finally had to slam the caps down onto the lock of the door to their suite. Then they started joking around with the beer outside on the dock, and putting it up next to their mouths and pretending to vomit it into the water below. It was as funny as underage drinking can be. Suddenly, Bruce walked in and the girls told him that Rob had given them the beer instead of admitting that they actually took it to play a joke on him. This made Bruce crazy, and he immediately went to yell at Rob. Rob knew full well that he didn’t give the girls the beer, but because he didn’t want Kendall and Kylie to get in trouble for taking it, he didn’t put up much of a fight. Eventually, the girls admitted to taking the beer as a joke and apologized, and then Rob and Kendall started play wrestling and grabbing each other’s thighs that I cannot vouch for being a completely nonsexual activity because I am an only child.
“Scott has a lot of nerve doing this and planning this on my vacation.” – Kris J
The battle between the Kardashians and Scott lived on last night, as Scott (who isn’t even supposed to be drinking) flew some people from an alcohol company over to Bora Bora so he could finish ironing out a business partnership with them. This made Kris (the mom) crazy because the whole point of the trip was to celebrate the 20 years she’d been married to Bruce, and it most definitely wasn’t for Scott to find a way to make money off other people’s alcohol consumption. So Kris (the mom) went over to Kourtney and told her that two guys from an alcohol company had crashed the trip, and Kourtney went over to Scott to ask him about it and Scott just told her to mind her own business. Later that night at dinner, Kris (the mom) asked Scott what he was thinking in doing business with an alcohol distributor if he was trying to drink less, and he couldn’t find the words to explain it to everyone so instead, he left the table and took the boat that was meant for everyone back to his hotel room. Once dinner was officially over, everyone was shocked to see that Scott didn’t wait for them on the dock so they could all ride back to the hotel together and instead, took the boat back without waiting for any of them. Once Kourtney got back to her hotel room, she told Scott how selfish he was for leaving everyone stranded on the island where they had dinner, and Scott maintained that he wasn’t selfish because he was doing exactly what his anger management counselor told him to do, which was remove himself from a situation if he felt himself boiling over.
“So I’m standing here being part of the Jenners’ life, and I’m thinking I want to do that with Kim.”
The episode drew to a close with Bruce and Kris (the mom) finally renewing their vows. Everyone dressed in white and climbed to the top of a mountain to watch Bruce present Kris (the mom) with a diamond the size of a lampshade, and that was when Kris (the giant) realized he wanted to have his very own special moment with Kim. Then we flashed forward three weeks to everyone being back in the states and Kris (the giant) spending a day of golfing with Bruce. Bruce was enjoying how terribly Kris was playing, and Kris finally explained that his poor performance was due to the fact that he had been waiting for the perfect time to ask him for permission to marry Kim. The show ended before we could find out Bruce’s response, but since the preview showed Kris (the mom) telling Kris (the giant) how he should ask Kim to marry him (and since we just found out that Kim made $17 million from her wedding to Kris), I’d say Bruce’s answer was in the affirmative.
