MTV is airing a marathon of the The Real World this weekend. Not the crap that’s kept you entertained while the Kardashians were on hiatus over this last decade, the REAL Real World. Like, New York, San Francisco, and original Las Vegas, Real World. (In the Real World canon, the last is known as “the downfall” season.) And since there is obviously nothing more important than re-living hijinks of Real Worlds past, we’ve decided to explore the depths of the Interwebs for a particular RW staple: The Meltdown.
Now, what truly makes a meltdown a Meltdown (with a capital M)? Is it some je ne sais quoi, or are there benchmarks that separate a true MD from lesser fare like “fist fight,” “panic attack,” and “drunken sob-fest?” According to our expert team of researchers, a true Meltdown should contain at least two of the following properties:
1. The threat to leave one’s home for greener pastures.
2. Liberal useage of the word “b**tch.”
3. An ugly cry.
4. Panicking over something trivial (like mail).
5. An arrest.
Using these benchmarks, we’ve isolated the following as the best and brightest meltdowns in Real World‘s sordid history. You stupid b**ch.
1. Miami Dan set the stage for great things to come when he completely lost whatever s**t he had over, LITERALLY, an accidentally opened envelope.
2. Brooke LaBarbera of Denver fame made it clear that you should never f**king speak to her that way again when castmate Jenn called her a whole.
3. Rachel Moyal from Austin “went there” when she A, got drunk, B, threatened to go home, and C (appallingly) told her housemate that she hoped he would get shot up in the street one day. This, from an Iraq vet!
4. Jemmye Carroll of NOLA Part Deux got drunk, got naked, and later wandered outside the house and got lost.
5. Warning: This isn’t funny. Stephen Williams and Irene McGee from Seattle both flipped out and hurled nasty insults at each other before she ultimately went home, but when Williams threw her childhood teddy bear off the pier then literally slapped her, he made Real World history in the worst way possible.
6. Paula Meronek from the Key West season opened the door for discussions on MTV’s responsibility re: the mental health of its “stars.” She was NUTS.
7. “Puck” and Pedro Zamora‘s fights were so intense, it caused the former to become the second Real World-er to be evicted. There would be many more.
8. Decades later, Dave Edwards exposing Tami Roman is still not funny.
9. A decision-making meltdown caused San Diego’s Brad Fiorenza and Robin Hibbard to get arrested on THE SAME NIGHT. In two separate locations. Wondeful.
10. Hawaii’s Ruthie Alcaide became The Real World‘s AA poster child — for good reason. Thankfully, she is now sober.
Follow Shaunna on Twitter @HWShaunna
[Photo Credit: MTV]