Why 20, you ask? Twenty is a nice round number; it just sounds important, authoritative even. And using a round number is a savvy marketing move. Would the 11 commandments command immediate respect? We didn't think so. Just think of Noah's predictions as doubly important as the 10 commandments--he does.
Plus, he couldn't come up with 21. Without further ado, here are Noah's 20 bold predictions for 2002:
1. Next Hollywood couple to split: (tie) Tom Cruise & Penelope Cruz; Disney & Pixar
2. Next Hollywood couple to tie the knot: (tie) Freddie Prinze Jr.& Sarah Michelle Gellar; Steven Spielberg & Tom Hanks
3. Next Hollywood actress to pull a "Zellweger" (gain 20 pounds or more for a role in a wasted attempt to gain credibility as an actress): Angelina Jolie
4. Next Hollywood actress to pull a "Kidman" (do all her own singing in a musical in a wasted attempt to gain credibility as an actress): Renee Zellweger
5. Next Hollywood fashion trend: platinum FUBU "Harry Potter" gear
6. Next Hollywood actor to pull a "Crowe" (win an undeserved Oscar): Kevin Spacey, The Shipping News
7. Next Hollywood actress to pull a "Tomei" (win an undeserved Oscar): Halle Berry, Monster's Ball
8. Next Hollywood movie to pull a "Bandits" (have at least one major Hollywood star and pull in less than $50 million, despite spending more than that on its national marketing campaign): Collateral Damage
9. Next Hollywood movie to pull a "The Fast and the Furious" (fly in under the radar and scoop up more than $100 million in box office grosses): Deuces Wild
10. Next "Vin Diesel" (young actor making $10 million a flick after just a few films): Stephen Dorff
11. Next "Gwyneth Paltrow" (Hollywood kin to make it big, real big): Colin Hanks (Tom Hanks)
12. Next fantasy saga to be made into an epic Hollywood movie series, all at one time: C.S. Lewis' Narnia serial
13. Next comic book hero (after Spidey) to hit the big screen: Aquaman
14. Next Hollywood actor in a mildly embarrassing fashion ad: Dan Aykroyd. Um, er, scratch that. George Clooney.
15. Next ER doctor to leave the show: Dr. Susan Lewis/Sherry Stringfield (again).
16. Next Friends character to get pregnant: Joey--no, Phoebe! (again).
17. Next year's best TV show: The Sopranos (again).
Note: Those TV show previews are sure full of reruns. We hate reruns.
18. Next Harry Potter book: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (OK, that was an easy one).
19. Next rapper to pull a "Snoop Dogg" (fail miserably at acting): Eminem. (Another easy one.)
20. Next year's best war movie: We Were Soldiers.
That's all, folks. Don't forget to check this space again next year, when we see how many Noah got right!
